SkulBook
by Reia Kellyn
Summary: Skulduggery Pleasant as told through facebook. T, but should be M for Caelan's profile picture. Follow the SP characters as they struggle with their crime-fighting duties...and the writing of their next status update.
1. Gerarding

_**This is - in case the title wasn't a big tip-off - a facebook fanfic. I wanted to see how it would translate to the Skulduggery Pleasant fandom :) This chapter is from my SDAJPO fic, but new ones will be uploaded soon.**_

_**Just some notes:**_

_**For the purposes of this story, Clarabelle's surname is Beam, and 'Fletchab' is a reference to a chapter of Tariana Grace's hilarious fanfiction Random Times With the Skul Crew, where there is a rehabl for those hopelessly obsessed with Fletcher.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter! :)**_

* * *

**8: 15 am Skulduggery Pleasant **You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get party streamers out of your skull.

**Valkyrie Cain, Fletcher Renn, Anton Shudder and six others like this**

**8: 21 am Valkyrie Cain: **That was a great party, hopefully Anton throws another one!

**8: 36 am Anton Shudder: **Thanks, I can maybe make them a monthly thing

**8: 39 am Fletcher Renn: **That's great, but can someone please come and help me?

**8: 39 am Valkyrie Cain: **How do you need help?

**8: 40 am Fletcher Renn: **I'll talk to you on chat

**8: 43 am Anton Shudder: **What does he want?

**9: 03 am Valkyrie Cain: **He locked himself in your bathroom and because he's so hungover he didn't know how to get out

**9: 11 am Anton Shudder: **He's a Teleporter...

**9: 12 am Valkyrie Cain: **He thought he was Gerard Way, he couldn't really do much apart from shout songs into my ear and make rock signs when I carried him out of the bathroom

**9: 14 am Anton Shudder: **That's unfortunate. It would have been fun to keep him around as entertainment for the guests.

**9: 18 pm Valkyrie Cain and Anton Shudder are now friends**

* * *

**9: 45 am Fletcher Renn **Na nanana nanana na na nananana! (8)

**Finbar Wrong likes this**

**9: 52 am Finbar Wrong: **Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance? Awesome song man!

**9: 58 Fletcher Renn: **Thanks I wrote it :)

**9: 58 Finbar Wrong: **Nahh man, Gerard Way wrote it!

**9: 59 Fletcher Gerard Renn: **I am Gerard Way

**10: 02 Finbar Wrong: **Whut?

**10: 04 am Valkyrie Cain: **I'll explain later...

* * *

**2: 12 pm Tanith Low **is officially dead after last night..Anton throws some wild parties!

**Valkyrie Cain, Fletcher Gerard Renn, Leo DiCaprio and eight others like this**

**2: 14 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **It definitely was a lot of fun. Want to make it offical? :)

**2: 13 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Tanith, you're not pregnant, are you?

**2: 14 pm Tanith Low: **NO! Look at my relationship status ;)

* * *

**Tanith Low is in a relationship with Ghastly Bespoke**

**Valkyrie Cain, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant and three hundred and thirty-six others like this**

**2: 19 pm Tanith Low: **Oh yes ;)

**Ghastly Bespoke likes this**

**2: 21 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'm so happy for you guys :) Took you long enough!

**2: 22 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Congratulations!

**2: 25 pm Fletcher Gerard Renn: **Ghastly Bespoke you lucky bastard.

**Kenspeckle Grouse, Staven Weeper, Anton Shudder and two others like this**

**2: 27 pm Fletcher Gerard Renn: **For the love of all your guy friends, tap that ass!

**2: 29 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **So you want to know about our personal relationship?

**2: 33 pm Fletcher Gerard Renn: **Of course!

**2: 36 pm Tanith Low: **GHASTLY! You call me and ask me to come over and then tell Fletcher over facebook that it's for sex? I am coming right over to your house and you are getting the verbal smackdown to end all others.

**2: 39 pm Fletcher Gerard Renn: **Unlucky, mate

**2: 43 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Don't worry. Tanith yells at me for about five minutes and then we end up having fun anyway.

**2: 44 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I better go, she's coming up the path

* * *

**5: 34 pm Fletcher Gerard Renn posted on Ghastly Bespoke's Wall**

Was it worth it?

**5: 37 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Dear God, YES.

**Fletcher Gerard Renn likes this**

* * *

**6: 04 pm PM message: Gerard Way to Fletcher Gerard Renn**

So what's this about you pretending to be me? I received concerned messages friends in circles very close to yours.

**6: 06 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Gerard Way**

Sorry, I had a hangover this morning and I thought I was you. I only kept my middle name like that as a homey to you and your music

**6: 09 pm PM message: Gerard Way to Fletcher Renn**

You mean homage?

**6: 10 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Gerard Way**

That's the one. So how about I make it up to you...You're in Dublin for your tour right now, yeah?

**6: 13 pm PM message: Gerard Way to Fletcher Renn**

Yeah, the city's been a great experience so far.

**6: 14 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Gerard Way**

Well how about we meet up at seven with the rest of MCR? In Paddywhackers, it's this really great bar on Reilly Street. And I can apologise face to face and maybe show you that I'm actually pretty decent :)

**6: 16 pm PM message: Gerard Way to Fletcher Renn**

It'll have to be a quick meeting, but OK. Us gel-lovers need to stick together.

**6: 18 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Gerard Way**

Cool! I'll meet you there!

* * *

**6: 48 pm Valkyrie Cain **Ice skating then dinner tonight with **Tanith Low**, **Fletcher Renn**, **Ghastly Bespoke **and **Skulduggery Pleasant**, in celebration of Ghastly and Tanith's new romantic status :)

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Ghastly Bespoke like this**

**6: 49 pm Fletcher Renn: **Sorry, I can't come :( There was a last minute meet up with someone important, I'll tell you later

**6: 53 pm Valkyrie Cain: **That's fine, we'll meet see you later

**6: 56 pm Tanith Low: **I have to go right now because Ghastly is picking me up soon, but I'll see you there!

**Tanith Low is offline**

* * *

**6: 04 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

Before the other two get to the rink, let's swap their skates for those rocket-propelled ones we confiscated last week. I know, I know. This plan is so fiendishly brilliant you can hardly speak for excitement.

**6: 07 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Not quite, but it's a good plan ;)

* * *

**8: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Watching **Ghastly Bespoke **and **Tanith Low **shoot around everywhere and dying (again) of laughter.

**Valkyrie Cain, China Sorrows, Finbar Wrong and eighteen others like this**

* * *

**8: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain **Now taking **Tanith Low **to **The** **Hibernian Cinema **because she broke her leg. I blame Skulduggery. :L

**China Sorrows and Clarabelle Beam like this**

**8: 41 pm Clarabelle Beam: **She really can swear, can't she? :)

**China Sorrows likes this **

**8: 42 pm China Sorrows: **Please say someone took pictures. This is the most delightful thing since I purchased a mint condition copy of A Midsummer Night' Dream.

**8: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **If you must have them, I can take them now.

* * *

**8: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant has created the photo album UFO's**

**8: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant has added eleven photos to his photo album UFO's**

**8: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant has tagged Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Ghastly Bespoke in his photo album UFO's**

**8: 52 pm China Sorrows: **Forgive me for this unbecoming comment, but HAHAHAHA!

* * *

**9:08 Gerard Fletcheriscool Way **They try to make me go to Fletchab and I say no, no no!


	2. Caelan is a Mothersucker

**8: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Going out with **Valkyrie Cain **tonight (Unfortunately, assorted evildoers reading this, we are not coming to punch you in the face. That will wait for another time. Until then, quake in your boots with the abject terror of beatings to come) to Butter - the restaurant, not the spread. **Ghastly Bespoke **and **Tanith Low **will also be in attendance, which can only lead to much diasaster and hilarity.

* * *

**Tanith Low posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall **

**10: 22 pm Tanith Low: **DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE SHAGGING SKULDUGGERY IN THE BATHROOMS JUST AS I ENTER!

**Kenspeckle Grouse, Finbar Wrong, Anton Shudder and fifteen others like this**

**10: 26 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Well, I didn't know you were going to walk in on us :/

**10: 29 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Is there nowhere safe from you and Skulduggery's rampant lovemaking?

**10: 31 pm Caelan Shadows: **I could show you how to be loved in a physical way so much better than him, my Brightly Burning Flame.

**10: 33 pm Fletcher Renn: **I think that was Caelan's way of saying 'Let's get naked and sexy'

**10: 31 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Just leave, mothersucker.

**Caelan Shadows is offline**

**10: 33 pm Tanith Low: **Nice one, Val :)

**10: 33 pm Valkyrie Cain: **It'll only scare him off for a short while. Once, he popped up in the backseat of the Bentley and tried to serenade me before Skulduggery kicked him out.

**10: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **It's true.

**10: 35 pm Tanith Low: **O_O

* * *

**10: 36 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **I declare **Valkyrie Cain **and myself the most attractive couple in the Sanctuary (and much of Dublin.)

**Valkyrie Cain like this**

**10: 36 pm Tanith Low: **You'll never beat me and Ghastly's record. Rumour has it we had a quickie in Guild's office when he was getting something out his cupboard.

**10: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: **HA! Skulduggery and I can beat that, no problem ;)

**10: 39 pm Tanith Low: **Bring it!

**10: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh, we will.

* * *

**10: 41 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant **

We have to win this bet! You, me, Ghastly's van, ten minutes. Let's bring the battle to their territory

**10: 44 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

Well, I wouldn't want to deny you the pleasure of my company. I know what the sight of these perfect cheekbones must do to you.

**10: 44 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant **

Just shut up and start taking off your suit.

* * *

**10: 47 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke**

Don't go into your garage for the next hour. Valkyrie is being VERY demanding.

**10: 44 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Go for it! (But don't tell Tanith I let you hook up. She's getting really worked up about this competition, not that I'm complaining. She can be VERY good when she wants to be.)

* * *

**11: 08 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke**

I told you to stay away! Betrayal of the worse kind from someone I trusted so much! From now on, I'm stiching my shirts myself.

**11: 11 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Sorry! Tanith sent me a message just after you did asking me to meet up there.

(And we all know that you stiching your shirts isn't going to happen - I'll not remind you of the time you got your hand stuck in my sewing machine.)

**11: 12 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke**

Aplogy accepted, but I'm getting your van for the next week.

(I didn't get it stuck, I was testing to see if you knew how to remove items caught in it. Well done! You passed that test. Though you almost cracked the bone taking my hand out of it, and for that I deducted points.)

**11: 13 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Don't get too hot and heavy, I just re-upholstered the seats to match my loafers.

(And if you want to say it was 'a test' then sure, play it like that.)

**11: 13 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke**

Fine, we won't get to racy. Get it? GET IT? XD

**11: 14 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant**

I swear, sometimes you are such an idiot.

* * *

**11: 35 pm Fletcher Renn **I get home from Toymaster and everyone's in a shagathon! What's happening?

**11: 43 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Don't worry Fletcher, you'll get to first base someday. Have faith!

**11: 45 pm Fletcher Renn: **If you ever get bored of Skulduggery, you know where to call for a bit of vanilla smoothie ;)

**11: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **And if you ever hit on my girlfriend again, you'll know where to call for the medical treatment. It's 999, in case you have trouble remembering number trios.

**Anton Shudder likes this**

**11: 47 pm Anton Shudder: **OWNAGE.

**11: 49 pm Fletcher Renn: **At least I'm not the same weight as a Britain's Next Top Model contestant

**11: 50 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **At least my hair isn't going to look like the flatlands of Texas

**11: 52 pm Anton Shudder: **Oooooooh burn

**11: 56 pm Billy Ray Sanguine: **Did someone say somethin' bout my homestate?

**11: 58 pm Skulduggery Razorhazer Pleasant: **Check my name.

**11: 59 pm Anton Shudder: **Skul is just an unstoppable force of awesome tonight.

* * *

**10: 19 am Anton Shudder **I want my boys round at the hotel tonight, we're having a Greek v. Romans Xbox throwdown!

**Anton Shudder, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Erskine Ravel, Veevee Scapegrace, Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, Leo DiCaprio and Finbar Wrong are attending the thirty-second Xbox Night At Shudder's, on the 8th of February 2011 at eight pm.**

* * *

**9: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **This. Is. SPARTAAAA!

**Fletcher Renn, Erskine Ravel, Finbar Wrong and three others like this**

**9: 34 pm Tanith Low: **Well, aren't you guys cool.

**9: 35 pm Fletcher Renn: **Piss off, ya Persian!

* * *

**Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Grace, Clarabelle Beam, Reia Kellyn, Amara Calla and China Sorrows are attending Girl's Night At Tanith's, on the 9th of February 2011 at six thirty pm. **

**10: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **A girl's sleepover? Nightdresses? Catfights? Popcorn? Possible girl-on-girl action?

**10: 07 pm Anton Shudder: **Man, we gotta film this! ;)


	3. Stalking Times, and an Epic Ship Breakup

_**Thic chapter follows on from the previous one with the guys being ever so slightly Caelanish and stalking out the girls' sleepover. I've changed the pairing of Valduggery to Fletchyrie, so I apologise for the inconsistency but I thought Valkyrie/Fletcher would work better for this plot :)**_

* * *

**5: 29 pm Skulduggery Pleasant** Take your positions around Tanith's apartment, everyone! Operation Sleepover Spying and Checking for Hot Possible Sexual-Preference Experimenting Girls is on. (The last part of the operation's name was all Anton's idea, obviously.)

**5: 29 pm Anton Shudder: **Ready!

**5: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **Ready!

**5: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **Ready!

**5: 30 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Ready!

**5: 30 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Ready!

**5: 30 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **Ready!

**5: 30 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Ready! Though Vaurien was supposed to take me out tonight.

**5: 32 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **Don't worry, there's always later xoxo

**5: 32 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **xoxoxoxo

**5: 33 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **xoxoxoxoxoxo

**5: 33 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**5: 33 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**5: 34 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**5: 34 pm Anton Shudder: **I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO VOMIT DOWN BOTH OF YOUR BACKS

**5: 35 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **:(

**5: 35 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Focus, men. We have to be subtle about spying on the girls' sleepover.

**Fletcher Renn likes Stalking, Girl Stalking, Spying on people, Caelan is my Hero, Stalking times!, Stalking is my life and thirty two other pages**

**Fletcher Renn has created the event Group Stalking Session on the eighth of February 2011 at six pm.**

**5: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oh God

**Anton Shudder and Ghastly Bespoke like this**

**5: 40 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **The idea is to not let them know we're checking their night in!

**5: 41 pm Fletcher Renn: **Ahhhh!

**5: 42 pm Ghastly Bespoke: ***triple facepalm because one just isn't enough*

* * *

**6: 43 pm Tanith Low **At my apartment with friends, nail polish and a load of fashion magazines. We're straight out of an episode of 90210

**Valkyrie PARTY Cain, Amara Calla, China Sorrows and three others like this**

**6: 48 pm China Sorrows: **'PARTY?' I guess Valkyrie is already drunk and destroying things. This is why I don't keep female friends.

**6: 52 pm Amara Calla: **Indeed she is, and so am I

**6: 55 pm Valkyrie Cain: **tanith i founnd wine stash follow me don't tell yhe others hahahahaha

**6: 57 pm China Sorrows: **Does she really think the rest of us can't see that post?

* * *

**8: 24 pm Tanith Low **Now not only is **Valkyrie Cain **tipsy, **China Sorrows **found my red wine, drank too much, did the time warp and is now attempting to make out with us. Who said she never let herself have fun? xD

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Staven Weeper, Finbar Wrong and thirteen others like this**

**8: 26 pm Fletcher Renn: **Hot damn, I'm going in!

**8: 29 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **This is not going to end well...

* * *

**9: 58 pm Fletcher Renn **is in my bed eating chunky monkey ice cream with TOTALLY FLAT HAIR :(

**9: 58 pm Finbar Wrong: **Jeez what happened?

**10: 02 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **I'm really sorry. Veevee and I can come round with more ice cream supplies and Bridget Jones DVDs

**10: 03 pm Solomown Wreath: **Totally flat hair? What happened? Armageddon?

**10: 04 pm Tanith Low: **You got everything that was coming to you.

**10: 05 pm Tanith Low: **Oh and Solomon, you spelt your name wrong

**10: 07 Solomown Wreath: **No I didn't, I'm SolomOWN Wreath, see?

**10: 08 pm Tanith Low: **You're such a retard.

**10: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: **Check my relationship status, people :L

**Fletcher Renn is single**

**Valkyrie Cain is single**

**10: 12 pm Solomon Wreath: **Ouch. Why did you break up? Did Valkyrie finally realise she was completely out of your league?

**10: 15 pm Fletcher Renn: **Me and the other guys went to spy on a sleepover some of the girls were having but I kind of gatecrashed and accidentally broke a few tables

**10: 18 pm Tanith Low: **And drank all of my wine then threw up over Val.

**10: 25 pm Erskine Ravel: **I just popped into Fletcher's flat and what the hell? Why is he sobbing into a pillow and listening to All By Myself on repeat?

**10: 27 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **I'll call you. It's a pretty depressing story.

* * *

**10: 59 pm Fletcher Renn posted on Valkyrie Cain's wall. **

Valkyrie babe, I'm so sorry! Take me back? I'll pay for your dry cleaning bills. I hope the sick washes out of your clothes

**11: 06 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Forget it, Fletcher. I'm sorry to be posting this online, really I am, but I'm just fed up of all this. We're not getting back together.

* * *

**11: 09 pm Tanith Low **I have to be the bearer of bad news, but...Fletchyrie are over!

**11: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **WHAT?

**11: 09 pm Amara Calla: **WHAT?

**11: 09 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **WHAT!

**11: 10 pm Solomown Wreath: **WHAT?

**11: 10 pm Reia Kellyn: **WHAT?

**11: 10 pm China Sorrows: **WHAT?

**11: 10 pm Thurid Guild: **WHAT!

**11: 10 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **What?

**11: 10 pm Clarabelle Beam: **WHAT? D:

**11: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **WHAT?

**11: 11 pm Madam Mist: **WHAT?

**11: 12pm Leo DiCaprio: **What?

**11: 12 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **WHAT?

**11: 12 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **WHAT?

**11: 13 pm Billy Ray Sanguine: **WHAT?

**11: 13 pm Finbar Wrong: **HOLY MOTHER OF THE FACELESS ONES DIMENSION WHUUUUUTTTT?

* * *

_**Will Fletchyrie ever get back together? Will Finbar ever stop saying whut? Find the answer to these mysteries (one of them, at least) in the next chapter.**_


	4. Desperate Love Poems

_**Purebloody Rose - I know it's horribly inconsistent, but I thought it worked plotwise. But well done for noticing!**_

* * *

**3: 04 pm Fletcher Renn **is having a chick flick movie night and eating too much pizza, I need some company :(

**3: 06 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Still hung up over Valkyrie?

**3: 07 pm Fletcher Renn: **Yeah :(

**3: 08 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Me and Skulduggery could come over, but I doubt he's the person you really want in a time of emotional turmoil.

**3: 09 pm Fletcher Renn: **Thanks :)

* * *

**3: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Just got kicked out of **Fletcher Renn**'s hotel room with **Ghastly Bespoke **because we ate all his ice cream. Well, Ghastly ate the ice cream and I laughed at how flat his hair was.

**Anton Shudder likes this **

* * *

**3: 52 pm Ghastly Bespoke posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall**

Look Valkyrie, I know you're upset about Fletcher, and he pulled a very bad boyfriend move, but please, forgive him. He's even writing goddamn poetry. The boy's got it bad.

**Tanith Low, Veevee Scapegrace, Thrasher Scapegraceswoon and thirteen others like this**

**3: 56 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'm not getting back with him, no matter what happens. He was just the ultimate prat. Thanks for trying, but it's not going to happen.

**3: 59 pm Fletcher Renn: **Well sometimes I go out by myself

And I look across the water, and I think of all the things

Of what you're doing, and in my head I paint a picture

Since I've come home, well my hair it's been a mess, and I miss your long black hair and the way you like to dress

Oh won't you come on over, stop making a fool out of me, why don't you come on over VALKYRIE!

**Veevee Scapegrace, Erskine Ravel, Clarabelle Beam and nine others like this**

**4: 02 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You've just replaced the lyrics of a song with your own. Not cool.

**4: 05 pm Fletcher Renn: **Alright, another one! My emotions overflow like a waterfall into a pool of Fletchy goodness.

**4: 07 pm Fletcher Renn: **You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really really slimmy, Vallie, I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Vallie, wanna take you to the city, wanna take you out to dinny, Vallie, you're cuter than a guinea pig, wanna take you up to Winnipeg THAT'S IN CANADA!

**4: 08 pm Valkyrie Cain: **It doesn't rhyme. And the amount of childhood fictional animals you referenced is really strange.

**4: 14 pm Fletcher Renn: **A HAIKU!

To hold you again

Is just my life's greatest dream

Sex with you is great.

**4: 17 pm China Sorrows: **I want to scratch my eyes out. I'm not being mean, I'm being truthful.

**4: 22 pm Valkyrie Cain: **'Sex with you is great'? Honestly? You really know how to dish out compliments.

**4: 28 pm Fletcher Renn: **Your hair's really shiny like a mirror

It makes me wonder if I can get any thinner

Really smart and your hair is dark

Funny to tickle like when I skinny dip in the park

Lips are red

And you're really good in bed

You're even better than ben and jerry's

You smell fruity like berries

I want you back

'Cause I'm sad

And horny

And alone

And I love you

Like Kanga and Roo

(They're kangaroos)

**4: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Well...that was inventive, to say the least.

**4: 34 pm Fletcher Renn: **I'll prove to you I'm worth taking back! Just wait!

**Fletcher Renn is offline**

* * *

**4: 44 pm Tanith Low **The poems were weird, but I wait with bated breath online alongside the magical community (that are bored or have nothing better to do) - will Fletchyrie get back together?

**4: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I've got bets on an an emphatic no.

**4: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I'm saying yes. There's always hope :)

**4: 49 pm Anton Shudder: **I have bets on he tries to propose with a haribo ring, but she beats him up, flees the country with Dusk and Fletcher goes mad and teleports to Tibet to live as a monk

**4: 51 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I'm with Anton

**4: 53 pm China Sorrows: **Unfortunately, so am I.

**4: 54 pm Erskine Ravel: **Same.

* * *

**5: 22 pm Valkyrie Cain **And Fletchyrie lives on! You can all end your gossiping ;)

**Valkyrie Cain is in a relationship with Fletcher Renn**

**Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and one hundred and eighty-two others like this**

**5: 23 pm Tanith Low: **What happened? DETAILS.

**5: 25 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Well I left my house and was walking down the street, but I saw a big plume of smoke coming from the park. I went to see what it was about - it could have been Sanguine or Dusk or whoever in the area - and it turns out Fletcher had spelt all his hair gel bottles out to say 'I LOVE YOU' then set them on fire to get my attention!

**5: 27 pm Tanith Low: **Aw :} That's so sweet!

**5: 28 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I know! It even makes up for the awful poems. :)

**5: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **Come on! They weren't THAT bad!

**5: 32 pm Tanith Low: **They were, Fletch. They really, really were.

* * *

**Tanith Low has created the page 'Fletchyrie'**

**Valkyrie Cain, Fletcher Renn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and one hundred and eleven others like the page 'Fletchyrie'**

**5: 46 pm Fletcher Renn: **Dinner with my beautiful, amazing girlfriend tonight!

**Valkyrie Cain likes this**

**5: 48 pm Anton Shudder: **Dude, you're whipped.

**5: 51 pm Fletcher Renn: **Tonight I _so _will be! ;)

**Anton Shudder has created the page 'That awkward moment when half of Dublin turns up to see Fletchyrie's sexy date'**

**Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Veevee Scapegrace and six hundred and ninety-three others like the page 'That awkward moment when half of Dublin turns up to see Fletchyrie's sexy date'**

**5: 58 pm Tanith Low: **And as soon as he said 'Fletchyrie's sexy date' there was an almighty gang bang.

**Fletcher Renn likes this**


	5. The Guyz Are From Deh Ghetto

_**So, with everyone's votes tallied up, most people wanted Valduggery for SkulBook, which I'm writing in from this chapter onwards. Sorry for all those that wanted Fletcher and Valkyrie together in this story!**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to Rubaline Shadows, who told me I should write a ghetto-ish one.**_

* * *

**2: 36 pm Valkyrie Cain **Why do all the guys think they're from the ghetto?

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace, China Sorrows, Tanith Low and twenty six others like this**

**2: 39 pm Fletcher Renn: **Cuz we are from the ghetto, maaan!

**2: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain: ***infinite sighs*

**2: 45 pm Skully P: **C'mon Val, yo' know yo' love it!

**2: 46 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Please shut up.

**2: 48 pm Skully P: **Don't go hatin' on me, baby!

**2: 49 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You're white, Skulduggery, no matter how hard you want to sound like you're the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air

**Reia Kellyn, Tanith Low, Finbar Wrong and twenty others like this**

**2: 51 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**2: 56 pm Skully P: **ANYWAYS, I thought you dug the swagga!

**2: 58 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Don't make this any worse, or I will finish the job Serpine started -.-

**2: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**3: 02pm Skully P: **Baby, yo' just sayin' that!

**Valkyrie Cain is single **

**Skully P is single**

**3: 05 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**3: 07 pm Skully P: **You're facebook breaking up with me? Yo' don't really mean that!

**3: 08 pm Fletcher Renn: **You know I'm always here for you if you ever need anytin', Val ;)

**3: 10 pm Skully P: **I ain't no bitch!

**3: 12 pm Fletcher Renn: **I was talking to Valkyrie, yo.

**3: 13 pm Skully P: **Ah

**3: 14 pm Skully P: **Wait a mo, yo' stay away from my girl!

**3: 16 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery, I don't know if this will get through the weird ghetto phase that has come over you, but I am extremely annoyed with you right now.

**3: 17 pm Skully P: **I don' understand...

**3: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Let's just say...I don' think yo' ready fo' this jelly.

**3: 20 pm Skully P: **No, babeh!

**3: 22 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Fletcher, let's go out and have some fun.

**3: 25 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**Valkyrie Cain is offline**

**3: 27 pm Fletcher Renn: **Boom chicka wa!

**Fletcher Renn is offline**

* * *

**3: 30 pm Skully P: **I'm be goin' to rumble with Fletchy Fletch, and gettin' my girl back!

**3: 33 pm Erskine Ravel: **Bros before ho's man, BROS BEFORE HO'S!

**3: 35 pm Skully P: **Yeah man, me and Fletcher be tight, but you know what Valkyrie is to me!

**3: 35 pm Erskine Ravel: **Alright man, I'mma be fist pumping fo' yo'!

* * *

**4: 16 pm Skully P: **Oh YUSSSS!

**Valkyrie Cain is in a relationship with Skully P**

**4: 18 pm Finbar Wrong: **Hells to the yeah!

* * *

**4: 26 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain**

So how did you get back together this time?

**4: 30 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Tanith Low**

He met me and Fletcher and did some rapping and stuff about how cool I was and got into a yo' mamma fight with Fletcher :L

**4: 32 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain**

And you stopped being pissed off with him?

**4: 32 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Tanith Low**

Yep! :) He said I was the coolest girl west of Brooklyn. Which didn't make much sense, but it sounded nice.

**4: 35 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain**

Fair enough.

* * *

**5: 53 pm Anton Shudder: **So man, how'd you get her back?

**5: 55 pm Skully P: **Lemme put it in away you and mah brothers will understand...

**5: 59 pm Skully P: **So I was fightin' for this hot chick on the streets in a yo' mamma war and I was like, You mamma's so big, last time she saw 90210 it was on the scales! And he was like, Oh NUH-UH son, yo' did not jus' diss 90210!

**6: 01 pm Finbar Wrong: **Word. Who got teh ass-kickin'?

**6: 03 pm Skully P: **Fletchy. But it was close because apparantley I was 'too skinny'.

**6: 05 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yo' are kind of skinny, diggidog

**6: 08 pm Skully P: **Did yo' just go there? OH HELL NAW!

**6: 09 pm Erskine Ravel: **Bring it, slim jim!

**6: 10 pm Skully P: **I'm gonna take it homeboy!

**6: 12 pm Fletcher Renn: **Woahhhhhh woahhhh woahhhh what the hell is happenin'?

**6: 12 pm Skully P: **'Skiney was all like, you be skinny!

**6: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sit you'self down!

**6: 14 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**6: 15 pm Skully P: **I am down brother!

**6: 16 pm Finbar Wrong: **This is practically a full-on gang war, man!

**6: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **Hell to the yeah it is!

**6: 20 pm Erskine Ravel: **Aw no yo' di'int

**6: 20 pm Skully P: **Aw yes I di-id

**6: 21 pm Erskine Ravel: **Aw no yo' di'int

**6: 21 pm Skully P: **Aw yes I di-id

**6: 21 pm Erskine Ravel: **OH NU-UH

**6: 22 pm Skully P: **OH UH-HUH

**6: 23 pm Lord Vile: **Ah Skulduggery, hated by all your friends. What an easy target you are now.

**6: 24 pm Erskine Ravel: **I ain't that mad! I just called him skinny, yo!

**6: 24 pm Skully P: **Vile, you better get your ass back outta my turf or I will allow you to meet my two friends, Mrs. Fist and Pain

**6: 28 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**6: 29 pm Lord Vile: **That is it. I am going to WHUP YOU.

**6: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: **Vile, yo' just not big and bad, your nothin' like the real Lord V

**6: 30 pm Lord Vile: **You're making no sense, rebel upstart!

**6: 31 pm Skully P: **Voldehmort, duh!

**6: 32 pm Fletcher Renn: **Voldahmort owns yo' ass!

**6: 32 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yeah Vile, who're you without the killing curse? Nobody, that's who! So just run away now outta our hood before we really show you the force we can bring

**6: 34 pm Lord Vile: **Goodbye.

**Lord Vile is offline**

**6: 35 pm Skully P: **Come back and have a proper bustup! Where'd he go?

**6: 36 pm Fletcher Renn: **He signed off, man

**6: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **That blows!

**6: 39 pm Skully P: **Mate, do you ever lay off the drug metaphors?

**6: 40 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yo' strong enought to handle it?

**6: 40 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OOOOOOOHH bitchin'

**6: 41 pm Skully P: **Hell yeah I am! Yo' better be at my crib in ten minutes with your homies 'cause I'm gonna be there with mine! DRUG CHUG!

**6: 42 pm Erskine Ravel: **Our homies are the same, man

**6: 44 pm Skully P: **Better be there anyway. You're gonna see some mad pills skills!

* * *

**Thurid Guild has created the event Drugs Bust at Skulduggery Pleasant's house, on the 23rd of February 2011 at seven pm.**

**6: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **This won't go well...

**6: 48 pm Thurid Guild: **What?

**6: 48 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Huh?

**6: 49 pm Thurid Guild: **I don't know, I just expected you to write OOOOOHH bitchin' or something...

**Ghastly Bespoke likes this**


	6. The Frapage of a Belieber

_**Harmony-Rose Temptation - I would have an epic yo' mamma fight with you but I think you'd probably own me :L**_

_**Reviews are amazing as always!**_

* * *

**7: 42 am Skulduggery Pleasant **Justin Bieber is the manliest man ever. He is my new God and Role Model and I give all of you permission to give my facade his hairstyle as I am a true Belieber. Justin, I love you. Always stay true to yourself!

**Valkyrie Cain, Ghastly Bespoke, Solomown Wreath and one hundred and sixty-nine others like this**

**7: 58 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Wait! No! That wasn't me! What do you call hacking like that? Frape? It was frape!

**8: 00 am Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery, how can you lie like that? I thought you were a 'true Belieber'?

**Tanith Low, Thurid Guild, Finbar Wrong and twenty others like this**

**8: 01 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm telling you, someone hacked my facebook!

**8: 03 am Fletcher Renn: **I'm so glad you're coming out the closet, Skulduggery. I always knew there was something about you - we're all so proud you're finally admitting your homosexuality!

**8: 04 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I once had a nightmare exactly like this.

* * *

**8: 19 am Ghastly Bespoke **dreads the day his status will read 'just been sexually molested by my best friend' :L

**Amara Calla, Tanith Low, Finbar Wrong and forty-seven others like this**

**8: 22 am Amara Calla: **Tanith, why would you like this? We're talking about Skulduggery attacking your boyfriend!

**8: 24 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Tanith's biggest fantasy is of me and Ghastly having 'happy time.' :L

**8: 25 am Tanith Low: **I'm declining to comment.

* * *

**Valkyrie Cain, Anton Shudder, Cassandra Pharos and two hundred and nineteen people like the page 'Skulduggery Pleasant Is A True Belieber'**

**8: 15 am Tanith Low: **That's going on my quotations now!

**Tanith Low has edited her Quotations**

'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'

'If I don't get my hairgel in five minutes, I will explode. Literally, I'll explode.' - Fletcher

'Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.' - J.K. Rowling

'I am a true Belieber' - Skulduggery Pleasant

**8: 19 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **That's it! I'm calling a Sanctuary meeting about the Dunblaine case in an hour, just stop with all of this!

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

* * *

**Skulduggery Pleasant is online**

**8: 26 am Skulduggery Pleasant **I am a woman oh yes I am a woman how I love being a woman

**Madam Mist, Leo DiCaprio and one hundred and ninety-two people like this**

**8: 32 am Valkyrie Cain: **Whoever is hacking Skul and writing these, it's official: I love you.

**8: 33 am Leo DiCaprio: **So if Skulduggery just came out as gay, and now he's saying he's a woman, does this mean he's actually straight? Or a lesbian? #Mindception

**Fletcher Renn, Anton Shudder, Reia Kellyn and twenty-five people like this**

**8: 35 am Ghastly Bespoke: **We all better go to the Sanctuary if we want to get there in time

**8: 38 am Tanith Low: **Who's betting Skul tries to rap either Can't Touch This or Ice Ice Baby today?

**Ghastly Bespoke, Erkine Ravel, Amara Calla and twelve others like this**

* * *

**1: 12 pm Fletcher Renn: **Lunch break thank God, I walked into the guys bathroom and my hair wasn't even touching the roof. Emergency gel application needed.

* * *

**1: 14 pm Ghastly Bespoke posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

So. What's it like being a woman?

**Caelan Shadows, Lord Vile, Kenspeckle Grouse and fifteen others like this**

**1: 15 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I am staying off facebook as I am scared what will be posted next...

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

* * *

**Skulduggery Pleasant is online**

**1: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **What people don't realise about me is that I'm very sensitive. I like flowers and nature and handbags and pretty things. I wish we could all eat cakes full of rainbows and love each other, because we are all sexy beautiful beasts.

**China Sorrows, Kenspeckle Grouse, Clarabelle Beam and one hundred and sixty-eight others like this**

**1: 35 pm China Sorrows: **Amen.

* * *

**1: 43 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **ALL RIGHT. WHO CUT MY HAIR TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER'S?

**1: 45 pm Tanith Low: **Well, you did give us permission.

* * *

**5: 11 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Freddie Mercury was my long lost twin, his songs describe exactly how I feel - Fat Bottom Girls, you make the rockin' world go round! (8)

**Thurid Guild, Veevee Scapegrace, Clarabelle Beam and fourty nine others like this**

**5: 13 pm Anton Shudder: **So Skul digs fat chicks?

**5: 15 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I prefer the term 'with some junk in that trunk' ;)

**Anton Shudder, Ghastly Bespoke, Fletcher Renn and nine others like this**

**5: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **There's no point in saying these above comments weren't made by me, is there?

**5: 41 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **None at all.

**5: 46 pm Fletcher Renn: **Skulduggery, I think you might have to face the fact that your fraper is way funnier than you.

* * *

**5: 28 pm PM message: Solomown Wreath to Thurid Guild and Kenspeckle Grouse**

Do you think Skulduggery's ever going to find out it was us who hacked him?

**5: 20 pm PM message: Thurid Guild to Solomown Wreath and Kenspeckle Grouse**

Well anyone could hack him with a password like 'I'm a ghetto boi'...

**5: 21 pm PM message: Kenspeckle Grouse to Solomown Wreath and Thurid Guild**

I TOLD you it was a good plan!

* * *

**6: 35 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Had a surprisingly great time shaking out at the club - these Pilates sessions really worked. Back to Valkyrie's for Disney movies!

**Finbar Wrong, Erskine Ravel, China Sorrows and seventy six people like this**

**6: 37 pm Erskine Ravel: **Fraped again, my friend!

**6: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **No - it was really me this time!

**6: 41 pm Erskine Ravel: **...Oh.


	7. Spying and Haribo Rings on Christmas

_**Ok, it was Tariana, Amara and I with the help of Crux AND Solomown that fraped him! Ta-da! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've just been really busy :L**_

_**I got this idea off a Glee fanfic chapter I read a while back. Anyway, enjoy!**_

**8: 21 pm Tanith Low **hopes this will be the best Christmas ever!

**Lord Vile, Ghastly Bespoke, Valkyrie Cain and forty four others like this**

**8: 28 pm Valkyrie Cain **is getting ready for **Tanith Low**'s Christmas party with the her, and can't wait to meet her great boyfriend **Skulduggery Pleasant **at it!

**Tanith Low and Skulduggery Pleasant like this**

**8: 43 pm Fletcher Renn **Xmas party tonight, hope to see **Valkyrie Cain**, **Tanith Low**, **Skulduggery Pleasant**, **Ghastly Bespoke**, **Leo DiCaprio **and everyone else there!

**Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Tanith Low and twenty nine others like this**

**8: 56 pm Ghastly Bespoke **knows the party tonight will be great! Just like Christmas morning opening presents with my friends will be...is that a shoebox I see under the tree? ;)

**8: 58 pm Tanith Low: **You'll find out tomorrow ;)

**9: 00 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I look forward to it, and tonight. I bet you're looking amazing!

**Tanith Low likes this**

**9: 02 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **is setting off to **Tanith Low**'s with high expectations of the night! Her mince pies are second to none!

**9: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **Is that a double entendre? ;)

**9: 04 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **No.

**9: 08 pm Tanith Low **Remember everyone, phones and laptops are to be switched off until midnight at the party, so say goodbye to skulbook for now!

**12: 00 am Valkyrie Cain: **Merry Christmas everyone!

**Leo DiCaprio, Amara Calla, Finbar Wrong and twenty six others like this**

**12: 03 am Skulduggery Pleasant **Making my way over to my girlfriend with some mistletoe...I am so smooth!

**12: 05 am Leo DiCaprio: **No, you're really not...

**Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn, China Sorows and fourteen others like this**

**8: 43 am Ghastly Bespoke **Currently unwrapping presents with **Tanith Low, Anton Shudder, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain **and **Fletcher Renn **and it IS a shoebox! Oh, the joys of Christmas morning!

**Erskine Ravel and Anton Shudder like this**

**8: 54 am Erskine Ravel: **What did you give the others?

**8: 55 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Valkyrie and Fletcher got clothes, Tanith got earrings and Skulduggery got a Black Ops disk!

**8: 55 am Anton Shudder: **The girl's presents are pretty crap but Skulduggery got Black Ops, lucky bastard! Wanna have a game at mine later?

**8: 58 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Too late, Fletcher broke the disk.

**9: 01 am Anton Shudder: **-.-

I'm coming over.

**9: 03 am Erskine Ravel: **How'd he do it?

**9: 04 am Ghastly Besopke: **He ate it thinking it was a doughnut.

**9: 04 am Erskine Ravel: **Oh my...

**7: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **feels a lot better after punching the daylights out of a certain blonde brainless Teleporter. Roll on Christmas dinner!

**Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Erskine Ravel like this**

**7: 31 pm Fletcher Renn: **Everything's so sore...I think you gave me brain damage :'(

**7: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **In order to do that you would have needed a brain in the first place.

**Ghastly Besopke likes this**

**7: 36 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **LMAO

**7: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I think you should stay off the wine, my friend

**7: 40 pm Ghastly Bespoke: ***giggles*

**8: 23 pm Tanith Low: **OMG OMG OMG Valduggery are getting married! EEEEEEEEEEE! My best friend and the dead guy are engaged!

**Finbar Wrong, Amara Calla, Erskine Ravel and two hundred and three people like this**

**8: 24 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Give me the deets like, NOW.

**8: 27 pm Caelan Shadows: **Does this mean Valkyrie is knocked up?

**8: 29 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Whut?

**8: 31 pm Finbar Wrong: **Great use of language Valkyrie!

**8: 33 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Thanks Finbar :)

**8: 34 pm Valkyrie Cain: **But really guys Skul and I aren't engaged!

**8: 36 pm Tanith Low: **But I totally saw a ring in Skulduggery's pocket!

**8: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Crap :L

**8: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery?

**8: 45 pm Tanith Low: **Hello?

**8: 47 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Tanith...

**8: 47 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **...that was a haribo ring.

**8: 49 pm Tanith Low: **Ah.

**8: 52 pm Finbar Wrong: **Epic fail.

**8: 57 pm Tanith Low **apologizes to **Valkyrie Cain **and **Skulduggery Pleasant **for misinforming everyone about their 'engagement'.

**9: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **Does this mean I can't wear my bridesmaid's dress? :'(

**9: 05 pm Tanith Low: **TMI, really.

**9: 08 pm Tanith Low: **Guys guys guys something's happening!

**9: 10 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Well spill it half of Ireland's waiting!

**9: 12 pm Tanith Low: **Ghastly and Skul were talking about the ring then Val came over and asked about it and Skul got all PMSing and stormed out! It's like 90210, but we're not as hot.

**9: 14 pm Finbar Wrong: **Speak for yourself hunny.

My ass is the hottest thing seen since Guild's strip poker night.

**9: 15 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Finbar that gender-bender comment of yours totally confused me, but what's going on Tanith?

**9: 20 pm Tanith Low: **Valkyrie's upstairs and Skulduggery's outsi no, he's just come in again and is going upstairs! What do I do?

**9: 20 pm Solomown Wreath: **You go and follow him you leatherette ignoramus.

**9: 22 pm Fletcher Renn: **Is ignoramus a hippo? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I've ridden on him...

**9: 24 pm Tanith Low: **Ok I'm upstairs. Skulduggery's just knocked on Val's door. Guys, I don't feel right doing this!

**9: 24 pm Caelan Shadows: **Please you're not paedoing, just perving

**9: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: **You would know the difference, stalker!

**9: 25 pm Caelan Shadows: **I never denied it

**9: 25 pm Tanith Low: **Well it's not comfortable!

**9: 25 pm Fletcher Renn: **What's not comfortable? Are they having sex against the doorframe?

**9: 26 pm Tanith Low: **No, perverted child, I don't feel comfortable listening in!

**9: 26 pm Thurid Guild: **You better update what's happening Low, the whole of the Sanctuary are on their phones and computers tuning into this drama

**9: 26 pm Tanith Low: **Fine, but the skulbook app on my phone is really bad, hang on

**9: 27 pm Tanith Low: **Skul - Hey

Val - Hey

**9: 27 pm China Sorrows: **Well this is scintillating, isn't it? *eye roll*

**9: 27 pm Fletcher Renn: **You go and take your scinlating

scafflaing

skinlatting

go take your big words somewhere else!

**9: 27 pm China Sorrows: **Good idea, I'll make myself a cheese toastie

**China Sorrows is offline**

**9: 28 pm Fletcher Renn: **How can she go away? This situation is bigger than my hair!

**9: 28 pm Leo DiCaprio: **SHUT IT!

**9: 29 pm Tanith Low: **Skul - Why are you looking at me the way Ghastly looks at un-shone loafers?

Val - Why the hell were you talking about a ring?

Skul - I've got something to tell you.

**9: 29 pm Anton Shudder: **Is Skulduggery getting in touch with his feminine side? Please don't say he's gonna give her a crappy girly speech :L

**9: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **I'm getting popcorn for me and Ghastly and Anton don't post too much!

**9: 30 pm Tanith Low: **Skul - Valkyrie, when I see you I feel like the luckiest guy ever

Val - Mmmm?

Skul - You're like a spotlight, lighting something up inside me

**9: 30 pm Finbar Wrong: **Did he realise how porn star that sounded?

**9: 30 pm Tanith Low: **He's saying something else!

Skul - Whenever I look at you, it's like life means something again.

**9: 31 pm Anton Shudder: **This blows.

**9: 31 pm Tanith Low: **Anton, you, Ghastly and Fletcher are downstairs why don't you come up?

**9: 31 pm Anton Shudder: **There's popcorn here

**9: 31 pm Fletcher Renn: **It's like watching a movie but on skulbook!

**9: 31 pm Tanith Low: **K, more speaking

Skul - I get butterflies whenever you walk past, and I just want to smile on the time I'm like the Joker but not uglyd

**9: 31 pm Anton Shudder: **I'm gonna have to start calling him Skulessa :L

**9: 32 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Dammit he's not sticking to the script!

**9: 32 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **You wrote a script for him to read to Valkyrie?

**9: 32 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Yeah, you know how crap he is at speeches. Now carry on Tanith!

**9: 33 pm Tanith Low: **Skul - Anyway I was striding round Dublin being awesome as usual

Val - Yeah, right

Skul - And I was in this jewellrey shop so I could buy Fletcher the necklace he wanted for Christmas. Anyway I was waiting for them to fix the pink beads onto it and then I saw tons of rings on the shelf. They were all great but I saw this one in the middle and I just thought of you. It was all sparkly and everything in the light, and it was beautiful and hard on the outside but the inside threw all these pretty rainbows so it had a soft centre, so it's just like you. Now I've taken way too much wine right now so I probably sound like a doofus, but when I bought the ring and thought of giving it to you, just as a present, it made me feel happy. And whenever I think of that, it makes me a little bit happier. So it's like I'm carrying this secret talisman around with me waiting to give it to you, because one day I know you're gonna be called Valkyrie Pleasant, and that day will be the happiest of my life. I totally love you Valkyrie, and even if I don't give you the ring right now - cause it's not romantic with Fletcher demanding piggybacks every 5 seconds - I want you to know that. When we're walking down the street I'm proud to say 'that's my girl'. Cause you're my girl Valkyrie, and I'm never gonna stop loving you ever.

**9: 34 pm Anton Shudder: **What a prat, he's a fucking girl! Lamest thing ever!

**9: 34 pm Fletcher Renn: **Anton, you're sitting next to me and totally crying. You want a tissue?

**9: 34 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **D'awww that's so sweet!

**9: 34 pm Clarabelle Beam: **That was a very pretty speech Skulduggery!

**9: 34 pm Finbar Wrong: **Fuck me, that was one of the nicest things ever...

**9: 35 pm Thurid Guild: **The entire Sanctuary is 'awwwing'. I hope you're happy.

**9: 35 pm China Sorrows: **What are they saying now?

**9: 37 pm Tanith Low: **Skul - Your lips taste really nice, mmm, God you're hot, you're so so hot

Um ok didn't mean that :L

Going downstairs now, my hands need a break from the typing

**9: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **Thankyou Tanith, you gave us all the best christmas gift ever.

**Solomown Wreath, Clarabelle Beam, Kenspeckle Grouse and three hundred and eighty nine others like this**

**9: 38 pm Anton Shudder: **NO! What's happening? Is her top off yet?

**9: 41 pm Tanith Low **is lying in her amazing boyfriend's arms while Valduggery make out upstairs and **Anton Shudder **strangles **Fletcher Renn **with tinsel. What a day. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.

**Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, Caelan Shadows, Madam Mist and one hundred and sixty eight others like this**

**11: 05 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **YOU SPIED ON US?

**11: 08 pm Tanith Low: **YOU HAD SEX IN MY ROOM?


	8. Blashan, Resolutions and Black OPs Night

_**As always, thanks for reviews, favourites and story alerts :)**_

_**The thing with Bliss and Thrasher's friendship came from wondering what their last names were :)**_

_**Oh and check out Adrasdos Dark's story, The Valduggery/Fletcheryie War!**_

**8: 05 pm Fletcher Renn **I've got food in my belly, license for my telly and nothing's gonna bring me down!

**Valkyrie Cain, Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, Tanith Low and sixteen others like this**

**8: 09 pm Fletcher Renn:** It's Paolo Nutini lyrics :)

**8: 09 pm Tanith Low: **So why're you so happy?

**8: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: **It's a new year, a new start and I've made new resolutions!

**8: 11 pm Tanith Low: **Oh really?

**Fletcher Renn has made a note: New Year's Resolutions**

**My Resolutions**

**1. Kiss Valkyrie**

**2. Invent my own range of hair-care products**

**3. Become a vegetarian**

**4. Learn how to get my swag on**

**5. Run to the front of a boat and shout 'I'm king of the world!'**

**8: 15 pm Anton Shudder: **Fail, man

**8: 16 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **You'll be kissing Valkyrie over my dead body, no pun intended

**8: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **No-one has swag like me!

**8: 17 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Besides, that's my line.

**8: 18 pm Tanith Low: **You're going to be a vegetarian? Fletch, you'll never manage that

**8: 18 pm Fletcher Renn: **Just watch me!

**8: 25 pm Fletcher Renn **is meat free!

**8: 28 pm Valkyrie Cain: **W...

**8: 29 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **T...

**8: 29 pm Mr Bliss Bliss: **F...

**8: 30 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Landy screwed over you too? HUG ME, BRODDA!

**8: 31 pm Mr Bliss Bliss: **HUG!

**8: 32 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **O_o So you both have no proper surnames, deal with it. We can't all be awesome

**8: 32 pm Anton Shudder: **I can't believe it. He lasted less than 20 minutes before heading to McDonalds. Fletcher, you suck.

**8: 33 pm Caelan Shadows: **I believe that's my job actually

**8: 35 pm Anton Shudder: **Being a mothersucker is crappy, you just look like an Edward Cullen knockoff

**8: 36 pm Caelan Shadows: **If I am half the vampire he is I shall die happy :')

**8: 36 pm Anton Shudder: **Don't make me go all Buffy on your ass -.-

**8: 37 pm Mr Bliss Bliss **is so glad to have his new best friend Thrasher!

**8: 38 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Mwah! :)

**Anton Shudder has created the page The Blasher Friendship**

**Mr Bliss Bliss, Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, Fletcher Renn and one hundred and sixty nine others like The Blasher Friendship**

**8: 42 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **DISLIKE.

**8: 42 pm Finbar Wrong: **Woaah?

**8: 43 pm Ghastly Besopke: **Are you jealous?

**8: 44 pm Anton Shudder: **What a way to come out the closet...

**8: 44 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I've got a feeling he's been stuck in there a long time.

**Valkyrie Cain, Madam Mist, Leo DiCaprio and eighty two others like this**

**8: 45 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **I'M NOT GAY!

**8: 45 pm Anton Shudder: **I knew it..

**8: 46 pm Anton Shudder: **Scapegrace is bi!

**8: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **That explains how how his hair is always well kept!

**8: 47 pm Fletcher Renn: **Oh so that's how he does it, I've always been jealous :L

**8: 49 pm Erskine Ravel: **And he always smells so nice!

**8: 51 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **I'm not bi and I just think Bliss is a bad influence! How about we all meet up and maybe get rid of the bad feelings?

**8: 53 pm Erskine Ravel: **This is boring. Guys, want to come over to mine?

**8: 53 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Sure thing.

**9: 23 pm Anton Shudder posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

Marry me?

**9: 24 pm Tanith Low: **Let me guess...major bonding moment on Black Ops?

**9: 24 pm Anton Shudder: **Maybe ;)

**9: 36 pm Mr Bliss Bliss **hopes dinner and movie with **Veevee Scapegraceswoon **and **Thrasher Scapegraceswoon **will be good!

**9: 40 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Maybe Tanith and I will see you there?

**9: 41 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **What you gonna see?

**9: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Black Swan :)

**9: 42 pm Mr Bliss Bliss: **The one with hot ballerinas? Awesome.

**9: 42 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **Bliss, I actually agree with you. These dancers are smokin' ;)

**9: 43 pm Mr Bliss Bliss: **Guy five!

**9: 45 pm Valkyrie Cain: **See you three there then :)

**9: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder **RAAWWWWWR!

**9: 58 pm Fletchasaurus Rex: **RAAWWWWWR!

**9: 59 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **And then they fucked.

**Thurid Guild, China Sorrows, Finbar Wrong and sixty nine other people like this **

**10: 02 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh how I love my Fletchasaurus SEX ;)

**10: 03 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **So that's what you were doing in the break between Black Ops and Halo!

**10: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **God I'm drunk.

**10: 34 pm Valkyrie Cain **enters the **Midnight Hotel **to see **Antceratops Shudder **and **Fletchasaurus Rex **drinking half the liqour cabinet together, **Skulduggery Pleasant**, **Finbar Wrong**, and **Erskine Ravel **playing Xbox, **Ghastly Bespoke **romancing a fish finger and **Billy-Ray Sanguine **passed out drunk on the floor covered in chicken feathers...ok...

**Madam Mist, Tanith Low, Cassandra Pharos and fifty one others like this**

**7: 06 am Billy-Ray Sanguine **is wonderin' how to get chicken feathers out his damn hair!

**7: 52 am Veevee Scapegrace **had a really nice time at the movies :)

**9: 11 am Antceratops Shudder **RAWR!

**9: 15 am Fletchasaurus Rex: **RAWR!

**9: 17 am Skulplodocus Pleasant: **RAAWWWR! :DD

**9: 21 am Antceratops Shudder: **No.

_**How was it? Wasn't my favourite but it's alright :)**_

_**Reviews are lovelyyyy ;)**_


	9. Gleek Out!

_**Thankyou They cant take all of me, Harmony-Rose Temptation, Onyx Sprita, Oh well this name was taken, Rubaline, Tariana, Mademise and blackbloodbaby, Rose Blaze-Lady Of Fire, HallelujahTheCreator and Evelina A (love your name!) for your epic reviews! I'm really glad you've liked it so far :)**_

_**About half the convos in this chapter are ones me and my friends have on facebook so these things can happen in real life...**_

**7: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Whatta party last week guys! Same tonight?

**7: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I can't, Valkyrie and I have a date

**7: 42 pm Ghastly Bespoke:** Same, but with Tanith

**7: 45 pm Fletchasaurus Rex: **I'll party with you Shudder! Dublin won't know what hit it! :D

**7: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ah Fletcher you're such a...Fletcher! -.-

**Antceratops Shudder has created the page 'Dude, she just called you a Fletcher!' 'Hell no, hold my hairgel!' **

**Valkyrie Cain, Finbar Wrong, Caelan Shadows and two hundred and six others like the page 'Dude, she just called you a Fletcher!' 'Hell no, hold my hairgel!' **

**Madam Mist, Leo DiCaprio, Kenspeckle Grouse and one hundred and thirty nine others like the page 'Man, he just called you a Skulduggery!' 'Hell no, hold my ego!'**

**Amara Calla, Antceratops Shudder and Solomown Wreath like the page 'Hey, he just called you a Tanith!' 'Hell no, hold my leathers!'**

**Ghastly Bespoke, Cassandra Pharos, Tanith Low and four hundred and ninety eight others like the page 'Dude, she just called you a Necromancer!' 'Hell no, hold my emoness!'**

**7: 57 pm Solomown Wreath: **Fail -.-

**8: 34 pm Tanith Low **is glad all these likes have stopped so now she can concentrate on the latest episode of Glee with **Valkyrie Cain**, **Tariana Ravelicious Grace**, **Amara Calla **and **Reia Kellyn** ;D

**8: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Finn is adorable!

**8: 42 pm Tanith Low: **But Puck is just...nnnnyaaahhh...;)

**9: 06 pm Reia Kellyn posted on Tariana Ravelicious Grace's Wall**

Keia 3

**9: 06 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **No! MINEE

**9: 07 pm Reia Kellyn: **Kurt/Reia is way better than Kurt/Tariana! Kariana sounds terrible!

**9: 08 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace: **Oh HELL NO you didn't just say that!

**9: 08 pm Reia Kellyn: **;)

**9: 08 pm Reia Kellyn: **Amara, what do you think?

**9: 10 pm Amara Calla: **I'm keeping out of this. Blainemara is the ship I'm sticking to

**9: 11 pm Reia Kellyn: **I'm still grieving over my loss of Blaine to you :'(

**9: 12 pm Amara Calla: **Well, you and Tariana got Kurt...

**9: 13 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace **Best ship ever - Keiariana!

**9: 15 pm Reia Kellyn: **Kurt/Reia/Tariana - I likey ;)

**9: 18 pm Tanith Low: **So we have Keiariana, Blainemara, Finnkyrie and Tuck...this is AWESOME.

**9: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **:O

**9: 24 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

**Subject: **URGENT NEWS ON OUR GIRLFRIENDS AND THE FRAGILITY OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM, DAMN THOSE GLEE BASTARDS!

Skulduggery. Ghastly. Anton. Shemale. It has come to my attention that our girlfriends seem to be fixated with the characters of a certain musical television show - Glee. Our women have developed crushes on their well-kept hair, superb dance moves and dreamy vocals. I was willing to overlook this. But tonight, something dreadful happened.

THEY MADE UP SHIP NAMES.

That's right. They no longer referred to Erskariana, Valduggery or Ghanith. Instead, Keiariana, Finnkyrie, Tuck and Blainemara polluted the comments of this hallowed social network. Something must be done, or we risk losing our girlfriends to the smooth tones of these admittedly pretty-boy crooners.

**9: 28 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke and Antceratops Shudder**

Who's the shemale? :/

**9: 29 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

Ravel, I doubt the girls will leave us because they fancy some characters on a show. And Fletcher and Anton aren't dating Amara or Reia, are they?

**9: 30 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

You don't know how bad it's got. And I know they aren't dating them but they flirt with them all the time. They're our friends and therefore should be cured of their Gleekness too.

**9: 32 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

What plan did you have in mind?

**9: 35 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

Well, you know that Social Interview quiz, where you answer questions about people? Well, we make the girls jealous!

**9: 37 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant and Fletcher Renn**

Why do I have the feeling this is a bad idea?

**9: 53 pm Fletcher Renn answered a question on Social Interview: Do You Fancy Skulduggery Pleasant?**

Yeah deffo he's the bomb!

**9: 53 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Omg...same!

**9: 54 pm China Sorrows: **I knew it Fletcher :L

**9: 54 pm Fletcher Renn: **He's just lush!

**9: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: **You can all go on about wanting him when at the end of the day he is mine :)

**9: 56 pm Fletcher Renn: **We all know he's mine but sometimes I share him with Ghastly ;)

**9: 57 pm China Sorrows: **I've always wanted a gay friend :}

**9: 58 pm Fletcher Renn: **Hey I'm not gay I'm sexually awesome and so is Skulduggery!

**9: 59 pm China Sorrows: **That's what they all say...

**9: 59 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Fletcher how could you I thought what we had was special!

**10: 00 pm China Sorrows: **Looks like you've been caught, Fletcher

**10: 01 pm Fletcher Renn: **No I love Anton to bits although Finbar's been looking pretty hot atm!

**10: 03 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I can't believe you did this to us -.-

**10: 04 pm Erskine Ravel: **I always thought you and Skulduggery would make a cute couple ;D

**10: 05 pm Fletcher Renn: **Well he was always up there after me and Anton haha :P

**10: 06 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Look at you making your way through the group ;)

**10: 09 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant and Fletcher Renn**

They aren't noticing this, are they? :L

**10: 10 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

Nope

**10: 12 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke and Antceratops Shudder**

Maybe we should show them how much we rate them?

**10: 14 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Antceratops Shudder and Fletcher Renn**

You might have something there Fletcher. Everyone, come over to mine.

**11: 08 pm Ghastly Bespoke has created the photo album For Our Girlfriends**

**11: 15 pm Ghastly Bespoke has uploaded six pictures to his photo album For Our Girlfriends**

**11: 17 pm Ghastly Bespoke has tagged Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and himself in his photo album For Our Girlfriends**

**11: 23 pm Tanith Low: **What are you guys doing?

**11: 24 pm Valkyrie Cain: **They're having a BGNI - Big Gay Night In

**China Sorrows, Thurid Guild, Tanith Low and sixteen others like this**

**11: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **No, we're singing kareoke!

**11: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **For all of you!

**11: 34 pm Ghastly Bespoke has uploaded the video For Our Girlfriends**

**11: 37 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Each song we sing in the video is dedicated to you 3

**11: 39 pm Tanith Low: **Oh...Ghastly...

**11: 42 pm Finbar Wrong: **Whut? My computer's up the dong dang and won't let me play the video, man! What songs do they sing?

**11: 45 pm Reia Kellyn: **1. Somebody To Love 2. No Gettin' Over You 3. Rude Boy (I have a feeling that was Fletcher's idea) 4. Feeling Good 5. Hips Don't Lie (Anton's idea this time) 6. Halo 7. Silly Love Songs :')

**11: 47 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Guys, that was adorable!

**11: 50 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Aw Ravel!

**11: 53 pm Amara Calla: **Do you wanna meet up with us? We're at Shenanigans :)

**11: 57 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant and Fletcher Renn**

SCORE!

**12: 22 am Skulduggery Pleasant, Antceratops Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel checked in at Shenanigans**

**1: 08 am Valkyrie Cain **Can't believe this.

**1: 14 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **What?

**1: 18 am Amara Calla: **When the guys got here they were dead happy and talking about 'saving us from the evils of these smirking autotuned he-devils', whatever that means. They then got drunk and are now so convinced they are amazing singers, they have taken over the DJ booth and are now doing the Singin' In The Rain/Umbrella mashup :L Tanith, Val, Reia, Tariana and I have nothing to do -.-

**1: 24 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **It's TORTURE :(

**1: 36 am Antceratops Shudder posted on Ghastly Bespoke's Wall**

Did you just hit a high C? This guycrush just got bromantic!

**Ghastly Bespoke likes this**

**1: 38 am PM message: Tanith Low to Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Valkyrie Cain**

Let's go.

**1: 42 am PM message: Reia Kellyn to Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Valkyrie Cain**

Girl, I hear you. I think the Alchemy Club is doing half price on drinks?

**1: 56 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Amara Calla, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain checked in at Alchemy Club**

**1: 59 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oops.

**8: 16 am Ghastly Bespoke **has the biggest hangover ever and is trying to solve it by watching...wait for it...GLEE.

**8: 18 am Antceratops Shudder: **I know what the girls mean...I mean, Santana is fit as!

**8: 21 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **That Rachel Berry can sing! And she's really good-looking.

**8: 23 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Quinn and Brittany :DD

**8: 27 am Fletcher Renn: **Kurt is SUCH a manbabe :')

**8: 28 am Ghastly Bespoke: **:/

**8: 31 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **:/

**8: 31 am Antceratops Shudder: **:/

**8: 32 am Erskine Ravel: **:/

**8: 35 am Antceratops Shudder: **Guys, let's run for it before Queen Fletcher tries to hit on us.

**8: 41 am Tanith Low: **So...you guys like Glee?

**8: 44 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Yup

**8: 46 am Amara Calla: **But we're the ones who like Glee!

**8: 48 am Erskine Ravel: **Well, you're just gonna have to fight us for it then ;)

**8: 52 am Tanith Low: **Bring it, bitch.

**8: 53 am Valkyrie Cain: **We're gonna waste you.

**8: 54 am Antceratops Shudder: **Don't Stop Believin' ;)


	10. The Kinkiness of Ghanith

_**I'm in my house stalking Darren Criss on youtube, writing this and listening to E.T. on repeat. I can't decide if it's sad or time well spent :L**_

_**Thanks Rubaline Shadows, Amara Calla, Mademise Morte, Evelina A, Harmony-Rose Temptation, Tariana Grace (the BOISSHHH! That chapter of yours was epica, my friend. The boish are very proud xD), They cant take all of me, Aurumlove7 (People say he's gay. But I know better. I know he's going to marry me and Tariana in a few years ;) He's just a bisexual in denial, see. And writing about the guys liking Hello Kitty is a weirdly compelling idea) and Vanessa for your reviews! Seriously, I love all of you. If I could hold a huge house pool party with all of you there, I would. I think it would be pretty epic.**_

_**And I'm hiding in Amara's suitcase on holiday to Cyprus! Can't wait ;D**_

**3: 32 pm Tanith Low **is finally happy we have all come together under a big banner of Gleekness.

**Valkyrie Cain, Antceratops Shudder, Amara Calla and six others like this**

**3: 35 pm Reia Kellyn: **Season one DVD night at mine on Friday?

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and six others like this**

**3: 37 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I can bring a kareoke set :)

**Ghastly Bespoke, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Valkyrie Cain and seven others are attending Gleekend at Reia Kellyn's house, on the 29th of April 2011 at eight pm**

**3: 49 pm Tanith Low: **All we need to do now is get China into Glee ;)

**3: 52 pm China Sorrows: **Never.

**4: 06 pm Antceratops Shudder **Well, **Gleekend at Reia Kellyn's **on Friday has me covered for the weekend, and my badminton game with **Erskine Ravel **covers me for tonight :)

**Valkyrie Cain and Erskine Ravel like this**

**4: 28 pm Erskine Ravel posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

We can't play badminton. I repeat, abort the plans for badminton!

**4: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **What? Why? You haven't been roped into these boring Elder things, have you? -.-

**4: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **No...Ghanith are playing badminton tonight too :/

**4: 35 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh dear God...we can't go to that court!

**4: 35 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Why can't you play badminton if they're there?

**4: 37 pm Erskine Ravel: **Valkyrie, have you ever played with Ghastly and Tanith?

**4: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Kinkiest couple EVER.

**4: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **Hand-holding! Hair twirling! Cutesy giggles! And that was just Ghastly!

**4: 41 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Then they beat us -.-

**4: 42 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sigh. Jogging instead?

**4: 44 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Yeah.

**4: 58 pm Tanith Low: **I can't believe you're talking about us!

**5: 01 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Haters gonna hate.

**Tanith Low likes this**

**5: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

Guys, Tanith and Ghastly are going on their date in twenty minutes. Let's go spy on them.

**5: 15 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

Pervert.

**5: 17 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

Anton, as much as I'd love to join you in your pervalicious duties, I'm still tied up at the Sanctuary. You guys mail me what happpens?

**5: 38 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

It's really hard typing this on my phone, but here goes: The others and me are hiding behind some bushes, watching Ghanith play badminton

**5: 41 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant and Reia Kellyn**

Dayyummm Tanith sure has it going on!

**6: 13 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

They've finished the game and I think they're headed to get ice cream. We're following.

**6: 18 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

And...?

**6: 21 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

Well, right now they're heading into the trees behind the car pa

**6: 21 pm PM message: Tariana Ravelicious Grace to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

OH MY GOD.

**6: 21 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant and Reia Kellyn**

My eyes! My eyes! And my hair! It's wilted! My beautiful beautiful hair!

**6: 22 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

I feel violated D:

**6: 22 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

What? What's going on?

**6: 23 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

They were...they were...

**6: 23 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

You know the song Sex On The Beach? Well, this is more like Sex In The Trees.

**6: 24 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Valkyrie Cain, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn and Fletcher Renn**

:O

**6: 38 pm Ghastly Bespoke **Most awkward moment of my life, right there.

**6: 41 pm Fletcher Renn: **You wear stripy underwear?

**China Sorrows, Finbar Wrong, Solomown Wreath and twenty nine others like this**

**7: 14 pm Tanith Low **I wouldn't wanna have it any other way, I'm addicted and I just can't get enough :)

**7: 16 pm Erskine Ravel: **We know you just can't get enough ;)

**7: 18 pm Reia Kellyn: **Haha Ravel! xD

**7: 21 pm Tanith Low: **No! It's the lyrics to the new Black Eyed Peas song!

**7: 25 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I just can't wait until you two fuck already and get it over with.

**Fletcher Renn, Amara Calla, Valkyrie Cain and thirty three others like this**

**7: 28 pm Thurid Guild has joined FaceBook**

**Thurid Guild is friends with Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Reia Kellyn and two hundred and sixty other people**

**7: 53 pm Thurid Guild **has found out things he could've gone his whole life not knowing.

**7: 58 pm Valkyrie Cain: **What, that most of your employees are sexing it up and Ghanith are into major PDA?

**7: 59 pm Thurid Guild: **Well, yeah :L

**8: 03 pm Valkyrie Cain **is going on a double date with **Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low **and **Ghastly Bespoke **:)

**8: 05 pm Amara Calla: **As long as Ghastly and Tanith save their kinkiness until after the date, you'll be fine

**8: 06 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I think we can manage that...

**8: 09 pm Tanith Low: **At least for now...

**8: 11 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **But when we get back to yours is a different matter ;)

**8: 13 pm Tanith Low: **;D

**8: 14 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I'm going to kiss you allllll over ;)

**8: 16 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Dude, save it for chat.

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Kenspeckle Grouse, Cassandra Pharos and eighty one others like this**

**8: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Valkyrie Cain and Tanith Low checked in at Butter**

**8: 28 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm getting very creeped out by all the tales Ghanith are telling me of the times they've been caught in public places :/

**8: 31 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Same here.

**8: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **wonders if **Tanith Low**'s parents know about the time her and **Ghastly Bespoke **got caught having sex in Asda?

**8: 36 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You can't get us in trouble, they already know. They were the ones that had to pay for our bail when we got booked for public indecency.

**8: 37 pm Antceratops Shudder: **That is so awesome...

**8: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **Completely badass. I'm impressed.

**9: 15 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **is heading home after **Ghastly Bespoke** and **Tanith Low** decided to go at it in the restraunt kitchens :L

**9: 18 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Let's face it, they're never going to stop, so we might as well accept it.

**9: 23 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I suppose.

**9: 27 pm Antceratops Shudder **This has certainly been an interesting day...

**Reia Kellyn, Fletcher Renn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and four others like this**

**9: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: **Guild joined facebook, a Gleekend was organised and we found out that Tanith and Ghastly are the most sexually depraved couple ever?

**9: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Yeah. Come over man, we can go a few rounds of Black Ops.

**9: 35 pm Erskine Ravel: **Legit. I'll be there in ten.

**9: 57 pm Antceratops Shudder posted on Erskine Ravel's Wall**

Dude, will you go get me a beer?

**9: 59 pm Erskine Ravel: **I'm sitting right beside you! But fine :L

**10: 04 pm Erskine Ravel: **Just walked in on Ghanith in the freezer. FML.

_**I don't know if this came off like it was mean to, but ah well :}**_

_**Next chapter is the Gleekend!**_


	11. Bromances, Romances and The Fury

_**Oh my Kurt, I forgot to say the last chapter was my tenth! Thanks so much for everyone that's reviewed, alerted and favourited :)**_

_**For last chapter reviews I thank Rubaline, Amara (ehm, anytime next week should do, me and some friends are having our monthly AVPM-watching session ;D), Holding on by a thread, Mademise (believe me, you'll be seeing a lot more of the kinkiness of Ghanith), Roses and Sunsets, Evelina, Aurumlove7 (why thankyou xD), Tariana, Onyx, blackbloodbaby, Lily-Snape-4ever, Velix Hollow (cool name btw!) and Harmony-Rose Temptation :)**_

_**I saw the newest episode of Glee ( Born This Way xD)! Possibly one of my favouritest episodes yet, all because of Kurt's extremely sexy dancing ;)**_

_**This is probably one of my longest ever chapters and definitely my longest SkulBook one, so please review and tell me what you think :)**_

**1: 34 pm Reia Kellyn **is wondering if the Gleekend should be just season one or the first half of season two as well...chocies, choices...

**Valkyrie Cain, Antceratops Shudder, Amara Calla and six others like this**

**1: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh, season 2 too, definitely

**1: 39 pm Tanith Low: **I'll tape all the episodes up to Born This Way and bring them with me :)

**1:41 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **So we'll have to put up with **Tariana Ravelicious Grace**, **Ghastly Bespoke **and **Reia Kellyn **fangirling over Kurt, **Amara Calla **attempting to kidnap Blaine, **Tanith Low** and **Erskine Ravel **singing all the songs badly, **Fletcher Renn **eating too much and vomiting and myself, **Antceratops Shudder **and **Valkyrie Cain **clearing up after everyone :L

**1: 45 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Speak for yourself man, I'm sitting with my blowup Santana doll for the whole of the night!

**1: 48 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Wait...if you're with us all of tonight and tomorrow then who's looking after the **Midnight Hotel**...?

**1: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I've got it covered.

**1: 52 pm PM message: Veevee Scapegrace to Antceratops Shudder**

I seem to have lost the keys to the front door :/

**1: 55 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Veevee Scapegrace**

...

**1: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder **Sorry to my crew, but I can't go to the Gleekend, on account of the fear that my hotel will burn down.

**1: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **What? You have to come!

**1: 59 pm Tanith Low: **It won't be the same without all of us :(

**2: 02 pm Amara Calla: **Well, how about we hold the Gleekend in the **Midnight Hotel**?

**2: 03 pm Reia Kellyn: **I could bring all the dvds round :)

**2: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Guys, you are the bomb. We're having the Gleekend at the **Midnight Hotel**.

**2: 07 pm Erskine Ravel: **Well this can only lead to diasaster and hilarity!

**Skulduggery Pleasant**, **Fletcher Renn**, **Tariana Ravelicious Grace and six others like this**

**2: 12 pm Reia Kellyn changed the name of the page Gleekend at Reia Kellyn's to Gleekend at the Midnight Hotel**

**2: 28 pm Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Valkyrie Cain, Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Reia Kellyn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Erskine Ravel and Fletcher Renn checked in at the Midnight Hotel**

**2: 34 pm Tanith Low **Let the Anton Shudder Hotel Party Train Wreck Extravaganza begin ;)

**2: 36 pm Thurid Guild: **You do realise you have work on Monday.

**2: 39 pm Finbar Wrong: **Tanith, you just got pwned.

**2: 41 pm Thurid Guild: **Boom.

**Finbar Wrong, Solomown Wreath, China Sorrows and two hundred and eight others like Thurid Guild**

**2: 45 pm Thurid Guild: **It looks like I'm even more popular on here than I am on Twitter and that's saying something, as I have six hundred followers

**Cassandra Pharos, Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, Caelan Shadows and thirty seven others like this**

**8: 08 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Having the time of my life! I love the Gleekend :')

**8: 11 pm Tanith Low: **I'm so creating a Question on which Glee episode is your favourite!

**8: 16 pm Erskine Ravel: **How awesome would it be if the Glee cast came here and watched the dvds with us?

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**8: 21 pm Kurt Hummel: **Gleekend? I wanna come!

**8: 22 pm Erskine Ravel **OHMYGOD.

**8: 22 pm Ghastly Bespoke **OHMYGOD.

**8: 22 pm Valkyrie Cain **OHMYGOD.

**8: 23 pm Tanith Low **OHMYGOD.

**8: 23 pm Fletcher Renn **OHMYGOD.

**8: 23 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **OHMYGOD.

**8: 24 pm Reia Kellyn **OHMYGOD.

**8: 24 pm Amara Calla **OHMYGOD.

**8: 24 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OHMYGOD.

**8: 24 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace **OHMYGOD.

**8: 25 pm China Sorrows: **Valkyrie and Fletcher haven't broken up again, have they? :L

**8: 25 pm Valkyrie Cain: **No, you know I'm with Skulduggery now.

**8: 26 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **It was the Babe himself!

**8: 27 pm Reia Kellyn: **And he spoke such beautiful, beautiful words :')

**8: 27 pm China Sorrows: **What words?

**8: 28 pm Amara Calla: **'Gleekend? I wanna come!' :DDD

**8: 29 pm China Sorrows: **Are you telling me that the person you constantly refer to as The Babe, aka Kurt Hummel, commented on your status saying he wants to attend your Geekend?

**8: 30 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Not funny -.- It's the Gleekend.

**8: 31 pm China Sorrows: **Whatevs.

**8: 31 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh hell to the no! You did not just modern-slang me!

**8: 32 pm Reia Kellyn: **This isn't changing the fact that ungfjjjaj

**8: 33 pm China Sorrows: **? Last time I checked - which is quite often - ungfjjjaj wasn't in the dictionary.

**8: 39 pm China Sorrows: **Hello?

**8: 43 pm Solomown Wreath posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

Are any of the Gleekenders alive?

**8: 46 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **Helloooooo...

**8: 47 pm Solomown Wreath: **Something must have happened, I mean when aren't they on facebook?

**8: 47 pm Caelan Shadows: **None of them are online, and there's no-one picking up the phones at the hotel :L

**8: 50 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **They're probably dead.

**10: 43 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace **They appeared in a glorious ray of light...

**10: 45 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Nope, abducted by aliens.

**10:47 pm Tanith Low: **It wasn't quite like that, Tariana. They were Teleported, remember? ;)

**10: 49 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **I am extremely confused.

**10: 50 pm Solomown Wreath: **What's new with that?

**Finbar Wrong, Kenspeckle Grouse, Clarabelle Beam and 12 others like this**

**10: 52 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Here's what happened - everyone was freaking out over Kurt commenting on Erskine's status, and then Fletcher remembered he and Kurt met in a strip club in America.

**10: 53 pm Finbar Wrong: **Strip club? Whut?

**10: 54 pm Fletcher Renn: **It was the darkest time of my life, I don't like mentioning it.

**10: 55 pm Antceratops Shudder: **So he texted Kurt, Teleported to Ohio, met up with him and the other kids in the glee club and they all liked the sound of the Gleekend so he Teleported them all over here, and everyone was screaming and shit, and Reia and Tariana fainted and stuff...but then we sat down and watched the dvds and we've all just recovered.

**10: 58 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace: **!

**10: 59 pm Reia Kellyn: **They're here. They're here. They're here. They're here. They're here. They're here. They're also here.

**11: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well, almost everyone's recovered.

**11: 02 pm Reia Kellyn: **It's not possible for The Babes to be even more supermegafoxyawesomehot in real life, but they are. THEY ARE. It doesn't even make sense!

**11: 04 pm Tariana Grace: **Anton, come over here! We need our pictures taken!

**11: 06 pm Tanith Low posted on Brittany S Pierce's Wall**

We're both blonde, hot and amazing dancers...this is the start of a beautiful friendship :P

**11: 07 pm Brittany S Pierce: **YAY! :D We can be besties, like me and Santana and my cat!

**11: 07 pm Tanith Low: **I'll pretend I understood that.

**11: 09 pm Antceratops Shudder posted on Puck Puckerman's Wall**

Dude, we're both the badasses of our group, and our arms bring all the girls to the yard. FIST BUMP ME, BRO!

**11: 12 pm Puck Puckerman: **FIST BUMP! Come the hell on, we're raiding the drinks cabinet!

**Antceratops Shudder like this**

**11: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Can I like this more than once?

**11: 21 pm Erskine Ravel **Other than **Antceratops Shudder, **my best mate is **Finn Hudson **;) We freaking rock!

**11: 23 pm Fin Hudson: **If we hurry, we can totally beat Puck and Anton to the drinks cabinet...

**11: 28 pm Fletcher Renn **is surrounded by hot babes :DD

**11: 29 pm Quinn Fabray: **;)

**11: 30 pm Tina Cohen-Chang: **;)

**11: 30 pm Mercedes Jones: **;)

**11: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain **loves how much her and **Rachel Berry **have in common :}

**11: 36 pm Rachel Berry: **We're both amazingly talented brunettes, we're extremely attractive and also lead our groups? High five!

**Valkyrie Cain likes this**

**11: 44 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **is having a dance off with a certain **Mike Chang**! We got mooooves!

**11: 46 pm Mike Chang: **You rocked that back handspring! But it's still kinda weird how you have no skin...

**11: 51 pm Ghastly Bespoke **Having the best time of his life drinking with **Sam Troutymouth Evans **and **Artie Abrams **:)

**11: 54 pm Sam Troutymouth Evans: **Yeah, we all have things we don't like about ourselves. I've got a huge mouth, you have scars, and Artie...

**11: 56 pm Artie Abrams: **I have too much swag for my own good :(

**Ghastly Bespoke and Sam Troutymouth Evans like this**

**12: 06 am Antceratops Shudder **just walked in on **Santana Lopez **changing! Score!

**12: 09 am Santana Lopez: **I could have been naked, McPervyson!

**12: 11 am Antceratops Shudder: **We're all naked under our clothes, babe ;)

**12: 13 am Santana Lopez: ***smirks*

**12: 32 am Erskine Ravel: **Bloody fucking shit! How does he do that?

**12: 34 am Skulduggery Pleasant **Wow, **Antceratops Shudder **got **Santana Lopez **into bed within two hours of meeting her. That's got to be a record.

**12: 35 am William Schuester: **Safe sex remember, safe sex

**12: 38 am Fletcher Renn: **Anton, you are a beast xD

**12: 39 am Erskine Ravel posted on Brittany S Pierce's Wall**

So if Santana and Anton can get together...;)

**12: 41 am Brittany Pierce: **Can't Touch This.

**12: 45 am Erskine Ravel: **Dammit!

**12: 46 am William Schuester: **Guys, I hope you're not doing anything you'll regret...

**12: 48 am Kurt Hummel posted on Blaine Anderson's Wall**

Are you as scared as I am?

**12: 49 am Blaine Anderson: **More :o

**12: 51 am Kurt Hummel: **Where did they even get the engagement rings from?

**12: 53 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn and Amara Calla are engaged to Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson**

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Amara Calla and six hundred and forty-one others like this**

**12: 58 am Kurt Hummel: **How did you get onto my facebook to agree to the engagement?

**12: 58 am Reia Kellyn: **We've been stalking you for years, bb. We know a lot.

**12: 59 am Burt Hummel: **Wait...I thought you were gay, Kurt?

**1: 01 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **OMFG, Papa Bear Hummel FTW!

**1: 03 am Burt Hummel: **Um, alright

**1: 04 am Kurt Hummel: **Dad! They facebook engaged me! They put my Mac Jacobs jacket on their shrine and I think they may have smothered Blaine with their love!

**Burt Hummel is offline**

**1: 05 am Kurt Hummel: **Thanks, dad...you four up for using the kareoke machine?

**Blaine Anderson, Amara Calla, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and one other like this**

**1: 06 am Puck Puckerman **This party freakin' ROCKS!

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Finn Hudson, Tanith Low and nineteen others like this**

**1: 09 am Antceratops Shudder **is seriously impressed at how **Santana Lopez **can put her legs behind her head!

**1: 11 am Santana Lopez: **What can I say? I'm super bendible ;)

**1: 12 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **LOPEZ! -.-

**1: 14 am Brittany S Pierce: **She's not the only one! :DD

**1: 14 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **Brittany, don't encourage her, I will have to sprinkle your Cheerio uniform with itching powder for punishment.

**1: 16 am Tina Cohen-Chang: **Don't pay attention to the mad cheerleading coach...because in fact, we're all extremely bendy...

**1: 13 am Antceratops Shudder: **Rawr ;)

**1: 15 am Artie Abrams: **RAWR ;D

**1: 15 am Finn Hudson: **RAWRR!

**1: 17 am Fletcher Renn: **RAWWRRR! XDD

**1: 18 am Valkyrie Cain: **Oh, not this again...

**1: 19 am Quinn Fabray: **Who's doing the roaring? :L

**1: 21 am Puck Puckerman: **Only the sexy people ;)

**Erskine Ravel, Mike Chang, Artie Abrams and seven others like The Rawr**

**1: 23 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **It's the universal call of bro's.

**1: 24 am Caelan Shadows: **I might be reading this wrong, but does all these 'rawrs' and flirty comments mean the **Midnight Hotel **has been turned into some sort of group orgy?

**1: 25 am Tanith Low: **Well, yes

**1: 27 am Puck Puckerman: **So Tan and Ghastly think they have something on me and Quinn? HA! I bet they can't sex it up nearly as much as we can!

**1: 28 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Challenge - accepted ;)

**1: 30 am Skulduggery Pleasant **So, this is the status of tonight's affairs - **Reia Kellyn**, **Amara Calla**, **Tariana Ravelicous Grace **singing with their fiances **Kurt Hummel **and **Blaine Anderson**, Ghanith and Quick trying to find available bedrooms, **Santana Lopez **+ **Antceratops Shudder **and **Tina Cohen-Chang **+ **Mike Chang **madly making out, **Rachel Berry **licking **Finn Hudson**'s face, **Fletcher Renn **headbanging to MCR and **Valkyrie Cain**, **Mercedes Jones**, **Brittany Pierce**, **Erskine Ravel**, **Artie Abrams** and **Sam Troutymouth Evans **playing strip poker...

**1: 31 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **:O

**1: 34 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **You children truly are sexually depraved, and I don't know why - look at what you have for a club director, one look at his abnormally dimpled chin would cause anyone to swear to celibacy

**Thurid Guild likes this**

**1: 36 am Thurid Guild: **A biting response if there ever was one! (As my employees, I would expect much better behaviour from most of you. Your lust sadly knows no bounds.)

**1: 38 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **Thank you. I often feel my insults are under-appreciated.

**1: 39 am Thurid Guild: **Never! Your put-downs are hilariously witty, bravo.

**1: 42 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **Despite my best attempts, I am charmed by you.

**1: 45 am Thurid Guild: **I have a wife...

**1: 48 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **I have a security collar, doesn't mean I can't have fun.

**1: 49 am Thurid Guild: **Point taken. Call me.

**1: 50 am Mercedes Jones: **Guildvester, kill me now

**1: 53 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **Have you seen my name? That's what I'm going to be bringing down on you glee kids. HORROR.

**1: 56 am Thurid Guild: **I am completely turned on right now.

**1: 58 am Sam Troutymouth Evans: **Coach Sylvester, you HAVE just brought horror down on us ^

**Puck Puckerman, Skulduggery Pleasant, Erskine Ravel and thirty six others like this**

**2: 08 am Will Schuester: **Kids, you better come home right now, I don't know where you are, why you seem to be getting naked with one another or who you're with but I have just found the most boss Journey song to sing at Nationalsand it needs to be practiced ASAP!

**2: 11 am Artie Abrams: **Well, we better get back to Ohio :(

**2: 13 am Mercedes Jones: **Hell to the naw, we just got here!

**2: 14 am Valkyrie Cain: **Artie's right, besides Fletcher can Teleport you over whenever :}

**2: 15 am Mike Chang: **I suppose :(

**2: 17 am Antceratops Shudder posted on Santana Lopez's Wall**

Don't be a stranger now...

**2: 17 am Santana Lopez: **Wouldn't dream of it. You're like, the finest hotel owner ever. Breadstix next week?

**2: 18 am Antceratops Shudder: **Count me in ;)

**2: 18 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **I am seriously about to burn my eyeballs out.

**2: 20 am Ghastly Bespoke: ***groans* I swear, you two almost beat me and Tanith in the kinky stakes.

**2: 21 am Antceratops Shudder: **Screw that, me and San owned you!

**2: 23 am Burt Hummel: **Kurt, I hope you, Blaine and these girls haven't been acting like this...

**2: 23 am Kurt Hummel: **No promises.

**2: 24 am Reia Kellyn: **Klaine sexytimes, WIN! ;D

**2: 23 am Puck Puckerman: **It's pretty clear Q and I are the shizz, but you guys put up a good fight. Anton, you got my mobile number?

**2: 23 am Antceratops Shudder: **Of course, dude. You're my brother from another mother. Black OPs night when we're next free - you, me, and the boissh?

**2: 24 am Puck Puckerman: **Sure thang, bro!

**2: 27 am Tanith Low **has a girl's night sorted out with **Valkyrie Cain**, **Brittany Pierce**, **Santana Lopez**, **Reia Kellyn**,** Rachel Berry**, **Tina Cohen-Chang**, **Amara Calla**, **Quinn Fabray**, **Tariana Ravelicious Grace**, **Kurt Hummel **and **Mercedes Jones **:)

**2: 29 am Rachel Berry: **It is fantastic that we are meeting up, but we really have to go!

**2: 30 am Finn Husdson: **See ya, guys

**2: 31 am Brittany Pierce: **Byeeee xxx

**2: 32 am Artie Abrams: **Later, white people.

**2: 34 am Erskine Ravel: **Damn, that boy has swag!

**2: 34 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace posted on Kurt Hummel's Wall**

So I suppose you and Blaine will be wanting to un-engage us on facebook now? :(

**2: 35 am Blaine Anderson: **Well...

**2: 35 am Kurt Hummel: **...let's just leave it for a while ;)

**2: 36 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester: **Kill me now.

**2: 36 am Blaine Anderson: **Maybe the five of us can catch a movie soon? (:

**2: 37 am Kurt Hummel: **I think they fainted.

**2: 38 am Reia Kellyn: **Dream. Coming. True.

**2: 38 am Amara Calla: **:DD

**2: 39 am Kurt Hummel: **I'll text you later :) xxx

**2: 39 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **HE PUT KISSES!

**2: 39 am Reia Kellyn: ***dies slowly in a fit of Klaineness*

**2: 45 am Skulduggery Pleasant **The **Midnight Hotel **is a wreck, but the Gleekend lives on :')

**Valkyrie Cain, Amara Calla, Erskine Ravel and twelve others like this**

**2: 47 am Tanith Low **Possibly the best night ever - **Gleekend at the Midnight Hotel**

**2: 48 am Valkyrie Cain: **The Anton Shudder Hotel Party Train Wreck Extravaganza - gone, but not forgotten.

**2: 52 am Ghastly Bespoke created the page Gleekend 24/4/11 ;)**

**Tanith Low, Mike Chang, Brittany S Pierce and nineteen others like this**

**8: 09 am Santana Lopez posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

Get to my bedroom, like, now ;)

**8: 11 am Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester **will never understand children.

**William Schuester, Thurid Guild and Burt Hummel like this**

_**Aaaaand that was the Gleekend!**_

_**I'm pretty sure it makes no sense if you haven't watched Glee, but I had a lot of fun writing it, thankyou Tariana for all the amazingly epic ideas :)**_


	12. All Hail the Paedo King

_**100 reviews OH MY FREAKING HUMMEL! I love you all, it's true. You're all awesome, and obviously supermegafoxyawesomehot ;)**_

_**And this is a huge update, just warning you. GO TEAM LUSTON! :')**_

**2: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Has anyone seen Valkyrie? :(

**2: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I saw her last night. In my bed.

**2: 41 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **...

**2: 45 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Shut up, Anton! I was just getting some extra fight practivce with Tanith, Skul :)

**3: 16 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **is cuddling with his amazing girlfriend :)

**Valkyrie Cain likes this**

**3: 18 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Pussy.

**3: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Anton, you're incredibly immature.

**3: 24 pm Erskine Ravel: **He has a point, man. Last week you tried to change the name of the Dead Men to the Dead Boissssh.

**2: 25 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And your point is...?

**2: 28 pm Erskine Ravel: **Maybe it's time you settled down. Got yourself a girlfriend.

**2: 29 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Are you kidding me? Look at what coupled life has done to Tanith and Ghastly! Look at his wall post this morning!

_**9: 35 am Ghastly Bespoke **__wants maltesers!_

_**9: 37 am Malt Esers: **__I know you want me._

_**9: 38 am Ghastly Bespoke: **__I want you, I do!_

_**9: 41 am Tanith Low: **__Babe, stop dreaming about food.._

_**9: 43 am Ghastly Bespoke: **__This was just a dream?_

_**9: 46 am Tanith Low: **__Yes, it was just a dream_

_**9: 48 am Nelly: **__''Opened my eyes and it was only just a dreeeeaam''_

**2: 31 pm Antceratops Shudder: **See! It's driven him mad!

**2: 33 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, Ghastly has his quirks but they're happy together.

**2: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **It's times like these I wish we had Dex back, he's be able to get a couple of girls for Anton :L

**2: 37 pm Antceratops Shudder: **A couple of girls, heh heh I certinly like that idea ;)

**2: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **NO MORE THREESOMES.

**2: 39 pm Antceratops Shudder: **But...

**2: 41 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **The answer's no.

**2: 44 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Hi guys!

**2: 45 pm Erskine Ravel: **We're not talking about maltesers any more, Ghastly..

**2: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Awww :(

**2: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Wait, what about Santana? You really seemed to hit it off with her at **Gleekend 24/4/11**

**2: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **He has a point. It was just last month and we've all kept in contact with our strange little singing friends.

**2: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well, Santana and I are both hot ass playas but that's what we do, play. I'm a lone wolf. Santon is over, guys :L

**2: 53 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, you're my best mate so trust me. You guys looked happy together.

**2: 54 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh quit going all Jezza Kyle on me. Let a playa play.

**2: 57 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

I'll keep this quick guys. I think you're all free for today so I need help with something - I want to find Anton a girlfriend. He's my wingman and I want him to be happy.

**2: 53 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain**

Lol that's gay. Antskine.

**2: 55 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Shut up Fletcher, we're getting Anton a girlfriend.

**2: 58 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain**

Nah I can't right now, I'm hanging with Rebecca Black.

**2: 58 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Whaaa...why?

**3: 01 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain**

Cause it's Friday, gotta get down on Friday

**3: 02 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain**

(Except today, today I'm shufflin'.)

**3: 04 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Why do we even hang out with you?

**3: 04 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Fletcher Renn**

He's obsessed with Rebecca Black. It's getting weird :/

**3: 06 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Well the rest of us can meet at China's library in an hour, I bribed her to let us plan there for a pair of limited edition Prada boots.

**3: 07 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

You said you were keeping them for me :'(

**3: 10 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Desperate times. So are we meeting or not?

**3: 11 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Fletcher Renn**

Sorry Ravel, Tanith, Ghastly and I can't, we've already booked tickets for a movie we've wanted to see for ages, so we can't. :L And you can't call Reia, Amara or Tariana for backup because they're on a shopping trip with Kurt and Blaine.

**3: 14 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Don't worry, it's fine. Looks like it's just you and me, Skul :)

**3: 15 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that.

**3: 18 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

What?

**3: 22 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn**

Nevermind...let's go.

**3: 29 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and Valkyrie Cain**

Wait I have it...Shavel!

**4: 12 pm Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel checked into The Library of China Sorrows**

**4: 23 pm Erskine Ravel **Before **Skulduggery Pleasant **and I focus on our plottings, a spot of revenge is in order for suggesting I was getting hot and heavy with **Antceratops Shudder **-.-

**4: 31 pm Erskine Ravel posted a link on Fletcher Renn's Wall**

**That awkward moment when your friends facebook wasn't hacked, he just really loves dick.**

**4: 32 pm Erskine Ravel: **Thought you should see this ;)

**4: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **That was one time! And I was hacked!

**4: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sureeee.

**4: 45 pm PM message: China Sorrows to Erskine Ravel and Skulduggery Pleasant**

According to the research I have here, you can find girls in shopping malls.

**4: 46 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to China Sorrows and Erskine Ravel**

Why don't we all research together instead of sitting in different corners of the library on computers?

**4: 48 pm PM message: China Sorrows to Erskine Ravel and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Because it's more fun this way. You have no sense of drama.

**4: 50 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to China Sorrows and Erskine Ravel**

Take that back!

**4: 51 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to China Sorrows and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Oh shut up, both of you. We've got the information we need.

**4: 53 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to China Sorrows and Erskine Ravel**

This can only mean one thing...

**4: 53 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to China Sorrows and Skulduggery Pleasant**

To the mall!

**4: 55 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to China Sorrows and Erskine Ravel**

We ride at dawn!

**4: 56 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to China Sorrows and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Or in ten minutes, whatevs.

**4: 16 pm Erskine Ravel **is chilling out at the mall.

**Skulduggery Pleasant likes this**

**4: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Act natural, act natural.

**4: 23 pm Solomown Wreath: **It's ok to hold hands in public boys, embrace your love.

**Finbar Wrong, Madam Mist, Thurid Guild and eighteen others like this**

**4: 25 pm Solomown Wreath: **Oh BOOM.

**4: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **Wreath, I hate you.

**4: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Don't look now Erskine, but these girls by the water fountain have been eye fucking you for the last ten minutes.

**4: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **Oh really? ;)

**4: 36 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Erskine...

**4: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **Do you think I could convinvce them that every time I flex my arms my shirt rips off?

**4: 40 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **We're here for Anton!

**4: 42 pm Erskine Ravel: **Fine. You really are a cockblock.

**4: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **If you don't shut up, I will set Ghanith loose in your bedroom after a night of heavy drinking. You have been warned.

**4: 46 pm Erskine Ravel: **Ew. I'm still dry-cleaning my sheets from the last time.

**4: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **So where would the type of girls Anton likes hang out?

**4: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **Uhhhh, I don't know. A bondage shop?

**4: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **NO! We want a girl that's more classy than the strippers he usually dates!

**4: 52 pm Philomena Random: **I take offence to that.

**4: 54 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Phil! We had fun once, it's over. What're you two up to anyway? :L

**4: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **We're food shopping, the Sanctuary ran out of teacakes and all the mages got freaked out.

**4: 56 pm Erskine Ravel: **It was pandemonium. I think a few people may have got trampled..

**4: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Sounds like that time I took of my shirt at the swimming pool.

**4: 59 pm Erskine Ravel: **I still have bruises from that day :/

**5: 01 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Focus. We could go check into a few shops maybe?

**5: 03 pm Erskine Ravel: **Ok. Ravelicious out.

**Erskine Ravel is offline**

**5: 07 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oh you sad litle child.

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

**6: 39 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

So did you find a girl for Anton?

**6: 45 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain and Erskine Ravel**

Yes, we did. I think she's perfect. There's just one problem though.

**6: 47 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

What?

**6: 48 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain and Erskine Ravel**

She's actually a man.

**6: 51 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

:O :O :O

**6: 53 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Don't worry Val, he's just joking. We did find someone.

**6: 54 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

Oh thank God, I thought the two of you picked Fletcher. If anyone's a shemale, it's him.

**6: 56 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Yeah he's my mate and all, but damn, he's a prat :L

**6: 56 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

So who is it?

**6: 57 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain and Erskine Ravel**

Well, we met her in a shoe shop. Does that say anything?

**6: 59 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

She has a foot fetish? She's the female version of Ghastly?

**7: 02 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Noooo! It means that she has money and isn't someone that will sleep with Anton for the craic!

**7: 04 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

Oh so you mean like Philomena?

**7: 05 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Were Skulduggery and I the only ones that didn't know about that?

**7: 07 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

Probably. So just tell me who it is, I have no idea!

**7: 11 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain and Erskine Ravel**

Well you were close...it's Ghastly's cousin.

**7: 12 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

That isn't so bad...she doesn't have a bald head and a slight fixation with Kurt Hummel does she?

**7: 14 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

No, as I for one do not want to get into the middle of another Ghastly/Reia and Tariana fight over 'The Supreme Babenes.'

She's called Luster Violet, she's pretty sound and we're setting her and Anton up on a date tomorrow night with a big group of us :)

**7: 18 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

I suppose that's fine, it'll be Skul and I, you and Tariana, Tanith and Ghastly and whoever else we can find?

**7: 21 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Yeah, I'll text you the details, hopefully Anton will like her...

**7: 24 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

It'll be fine, you guys did a great job! I'll tell Anton that we've got a surprise for him tomorrow night.

**7: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

Hey Anton, just wanted to let you know Skul and I will be picking you up from the hotel tomorrow night and taking you somewhere special :}

**7: 42 pm Antceratops Shudder: **If you two wanted to give me a threesome you could have just told me!

**7: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH

**7: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Sorry Skul, I guess Valkyrie didn't mean that? :L

**7: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **No I was wondering why the hell I hadn't thought of that before!

**7: 49 pm Anctceratops Shudder: **High five!

**7: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: ***High five*

**7: 50 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Ahem? -.-

**7: 51 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Ehm...jokes?

**7: 52 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I really hate you sometimes, Skulduggery. I am seriously thinking of taking another date to the surprise for Anton.

**7: 52 pm Caelan Shadows: **Hi there Valkyrie...

**7: 52 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Eff off, EdCul.

**7: 54 pm Caelan Shadows: **Foiled again!

**7: 55 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Just wear something nice OK Anton?

**7: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Sure thing, but is this surprise something I should bring my secret stash of condoms too?

**7: 57 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skul, he's all yours.

**Valkyrie Cain is offline**

**9: 42 am Tanith Low **Morning everybody! It's a gorgeous day, I have a cute date for tonight and I'm going shopping with the lovely Miss **Valkyrie Cain**. Have a great day!

**Amara Calla, Finbar Wrong, Valkyrie Cain and thirteen others like this**

**4: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain **can't believe she let **Tanith Low **take her shopping :/

**4: 24 pm Tanith Low: **Vaaaaal, you're supposed to be changing in there! Now come out and let me see! I'll show you what I look like!

**4: 26 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Tanith, you look smoking hot, I'm seriously knocked out ;D

**4: 27 pm Tanith Low: **And you look sexy as hell ;)

**4: 29 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Now make out.

**4: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Can five minutes go by without you making a pervy comment?

**4: 33 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Can five minutes go by without Fletcher saying something stupid?

**4: 35 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Point taken.

**4: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Screw you Shudder, now I'm imaginng them kissing in the changing rooms!

**4: 40 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **That mental image is hotter than this season's Gucci loafer :o

**Antceratops Shudder, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant and one hundred and eight others like Naughty Tanith and Valkyrie**

**4: 57 pm Tanith Low: **You created a fanpage for us? O_o

**5: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You better believe it!

**5: 04 pm Valkyrie Cain: **What would that be...Tankyrie? Valith?

**5: 06 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Valith ;) I have truly died and gone to girl-on-girl heaven.

**5: 08 pm Valkyrie Cain: **-.-

**5: 08 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh I bet you'd just like to smack me, wouldn't you Val? ;D

**5: 11 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh my God, you paedophile.

**Antceratops Shudder likes this**

**7: 18 pm Tanith Low **Getting ready with my best friend :) I Gotta Feeling should really be playing in the background :P

**7: 23 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Hey Tanith...

**7: 25 pm Tanith Low: **NO, Skulduggery, you aren't allowed to come to my apartment and rap Black Eyed Peas.

**7: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Damn!

**7: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Val, I'll pick you up in 5 :)

**7: 29 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And spy on Valith making out again? Score!

**7: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Don't worry Valkyrie, I'm coming.

**7: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'm sure you are ;)

**7: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **Why are we even best friends? I'm pretty sure mothers lock up their kids when you walk past...

**7: 36 pm Antceratops Shudder: **But dude come on, Valith!

**7: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **...I gotta hand you that. SMOKIN' hot.

**7: 41 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Fist bump me, bro!

**7: 44 pm Erskine Ravel: ***Bumps fist* Now get changed, Val and Skul are picking you up.

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Antceratops Shudder, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, Erskine Ravel and Tariana Ravelicious Grace checked into Butter**

**8: 36 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace: **We really need to find new places to go on dates :L

**Ghastly Bespoke, Valkyrie Cain, Tanith Low and eleven others like this**

**8: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Aw guys you set me up with a girl? Not as good as the Skul-Val-Antceratops threeseome idea but still pretty cool :)

**8: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **Bro imagine a threesome with Valith! XDD

**8: 41 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **-.-

**8: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: **Aw babe don't worry I'd love to have you in a threesome too!

**8: 44 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Ah, you're a prat.

**8: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Damn, Luster is fit! Where did you pick her up, the Playboy Mansion? No really, because I have cameras in there.

**8: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I know that should be disgusting but I can't help but feel impressed...

**8: 52 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **The Playboy Mansion? Respect, man.

**Finbar Wrong, Thurid Guild, Erskine Ravel and seven hundred and sixty people like Anton Shudder is our King**

**8: 54 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Great, every male in the magic community now looks up to Anton as their Paedo King.

**8: 57 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **That may even beat my title of Zombie King! :o

**8: 59 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Sorry can't talk now Thrasher, we've just arrived at our table

**Valkyrie Cain is offline**

**9: 21 pm Hugh Heffner: **Damn **Antceratops Shudder **to hell!

**Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Skulduggery Pleasant and three others are friends with Luster Violet**

**9: 24 pm Ghastly Bespoke **Should I be mad that my cousin is on a date with the Paedo King?

**Reia Kellyn, Valkyrie Cain, Kenspeckle Grouse and thirty one others like this**

**9: 28 pm Antceratops Shudder: **No, not at all

**9: 28 pm Luster Violet: **Loving the name. It's super sexy on you ;) Fist bump?

**9: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: **Oh my God...she's the female Anton :O

**11: 37 pm Antceratops Shudder posted on Luster Violet's Wall**

I actually had a really good time tonight ;) Same time, next week? This time I'll take you to a little place I know...

**11: 43 pm Luster Violet: **Is it the strip club on Shaw Street?

**11: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **HOW DID YOU KNOW?

**11: 49 pm Luster Violet: **I own it ;)

**11: 55 pm Antceratops Shudder **might actually like this girl for something other than the sex.

**12: 04 am Erskine Ravel: **Anton liking a girl for something other than the sex?...Shit just got real.

**Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, Finbar Wrong and thirty two others like this**

**12: 34 am Skulduggery Pleasant **So apparently there's a female Anton. The Earth is doomed. Their sexual, craven ways will destroy us all. I'm going on a booze cruise. Valkyrie, join me.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this**

**12: 38 am Valkyrie Cain: **I'll be at Cemetery Road in an hour.

**12: 47 am Erskine Ravel: **You're going on a booze cruise? :')

**12: 48 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **No, we're going on THE booze cruise. It's a huge ship of orgies and fast-flowing drink that travels around Ireland. I just need to escape Luston's alarming eye sex...

**1: 13 am Erskine Ravel **So we have a new possible endgame relationship from the Paedo King and ultimate playa himself. More kinkiness of Ghanith in the taxi home, nothing new there. The dream of Valith. Pleasant and Cain eloping to a fortnight of free-flowing alcohol. And I'm sure there will be some more of Skulduggery/Erskine stalking times ahead too...Oh SkulBookers, what would you do without us?

**1: 15 pm Fletcher Renn: **I had a great time with Rebecca Black! (8)

**1: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **Is there any point to your existence?

_**I hope you're all happy with that gihugic update...now I'm away to PM Tariana about Nationals! KLAINE+FINCHEL+LOVE CONFESSIONS+ONSTAGE MAKEOUTS+EPICA SONGS=A VERY HAPPY REIA! There is so much happiness and Klaine jar explosions going on right now I'm a little scared :/ But again OhmyHummelAndersonGracellyn! It was so adorable :')**_


	13. Eduggery?

_**This is going to be my last SkulBook update for a fortnight because I'm away on holiday (Stalking times in Hollywood OMFH yussss), though I'll be back with lots of new chapters :}**_

_**The Antoine Dodson/Anton idea is something I thought of because of a chapter in Harmony-Rose Temptation's Dear Blank, Sincerely Blank. Check it out!**_

**1: 23 pm Ghastly Bespoke **Hmmmm, **Skuldawg Pleasant **and **Valkyrie Cain **haven't been seen for week now...they must be enjoying the booze cruise ;)

**Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio and Tanith Low like this**

**1: 29 pm Tanith Low: **Yeah, now the only other power pair here here beside us is Luster and Anton :L

**1: 32 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder posted on Luster Violet's Wall**

Baby, I wrote you some poetry!

**1: 34 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Oh God, they're even writing love poems...

**1: 39 pm Luster Violet: **Oh Anton, that's adorable! What's it called?

**1: 40 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Bang You Like A Drum :')

**1: 43 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Nope, it's soft porn.

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**1: 52 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain and Skuldawg Pleasant**

Guys, I know you still have a week of the cruise left, but you have to come back! Luster and Anton were caught making out under Guild's desk two days ago! They're almost beating Ghastly and I in the kinky stakes :L And besides, we all miss you. Please come back?

**1: 58 pm Skuldawg Pleasant posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Come back to Dublin? Gurl, you CRAZY? We're on the boat of luuuuuuve ;D

**1: 02 pm Tanith Low: **Truthfully, how many bottles of scotch/whisky/toxic bleach have you had?

**1: 04 pm Skuldawg Pleasant: **Twenty, thirty, what does it matter? They let me see magical pixies! (They look a lot like Fletcher)

**1: 06 pm Tanith Low: **Sigh. Message me when either you or Valkyrie have returned to the world of the sober.

**1: 09 pm Skuldawg Pleasant: **Get thee gone, woman, and do not mention that cursed place again! It is a shameful place full of uncool actions and funless peasants that I shall smite as they stand before me! MEEP!

**1: 10 pm Tanith Low: **My life honestly can not get any worse.

**1: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder made a new note: First verse of Bang You Like A Drum**

**1: 13 pm Tanith Low: **I stand corrected.

**1: 16 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **It's OK Tanith, how about you come over to mine tonight, I'll cook some dinner and we can watch a movie?

**1: 18 pm Tanith Low: **And we don't even have to have to sleep together?

**1: 19 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Not if you don't want to...

**1: 21 pm Fletcher Renn: **Then guys, what am I supposed to do? :(

**1: 24 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I don't know...go see Rebecca Black?

**1: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: **Lol no, that's old news. I dumped her, she was way too annoying.

**1: 26 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Funny, you'd have though you would have experience with 'annoying'.

**1: 29 pm Tanith Low: **Isn't there anyone else you can hang out with?

**1: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **No 'cause you two are on the date, Valkyrie and Skulduggery are on the cruise and Anton's off with his 'sweet thang' :L China is hot but kinda unnapproachable, even though we both have great hair in common, Leo's still filming Titanic 2 and usually Erskine and I would bro out with some video games but he's doing Elder stuff

**1: 32 pm Erskine Ravel: **By Elder stuff, I mean hanging out with Guild ignoring Fletcher's 'let's meet up' texts.

**1: 34 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You do that too? :'}

**1: 36 pm Tanith Low: **You both hang out with Guild? :/

**1: 36 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yeah, he's pretty legit.

**1: 39 pm Tanith Low: **Eh still disturbing. I'll see you later tonight, Ghastly :)

**1: 55 pm Fletcher Renn: **Hey, Bang You Like A Drum is actually pretty damn good!

**1: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **MOST HUGE AND EPICEST FACEPALM IN THE WORLD HAPPENING RIGHT NOW ON MY FACE

**7: 08 pm Skulduggery Pleasant posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Tanith, we give in and are coming back! Valkyrie and I are fully sober and have our bags packed. We shall be docking in an hour and expect you all to be there waving hankerchiefs, sobbing uncontrollably at your joy of having us back, etc etc.

**7: 10 pm Tanith Low: **Sorry Skul but I'm having a night in with Ghastly, I can send Fletcher to pick you up though :) What made you change your mind about coming back?

**7: 13 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, I seemed to have aquired a, eh, problem...

**7: 14 pm Tariana Grace: **A problem?

**7: 15 pm Reia Kellyn: **Sounds interesting ;)

**7: 15 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **A sort of...stalker...

**7: 16 pm Edward Cullen: **You're like my own personal brand of heroin

**7: 17 pm Reia Kellyn: **Holy fucking Grilled Cheesus O_o

**7: 18 pm Edward Cullen: **I just don't have the strength to stay away from you any more.

**7: 19 pm Tariana Grace: **Not Cullen!

**7: 19 pm Amara Calla: **Not Cullen AGAIN?

**7: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Unfortunately, yes.

**7: 22 pm Edward Cullen: **You are my life now.

**7: 24 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **For the last time - I have a girlfriend whom I love! I am not gay! No, I do not want to do body shots off you!

**7: 25 pm Edward Cullen: **Please? :(

**7: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **NO.

**7: 29 pm Edward Cullen: **Bitch, you know I be dazzlin'!

**7: 32 pm Reia Kellyn: **What the hell was THAT.

**7: 33 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **It's fine, he's gone offline now. Hopefully he'll only turn up in our lives again at unoppurtune moments like weddings and family gatherings.

**7: 34 pm Tariana Grace: **Amen.

**7: 35 pm Edward Cullen: **Lol JK I brought Bella on here too! Who's lonely and pathetic now?

**7: 36 pm Bella Swan: **Edward, I love you :')

**7: 37 pm Edward Cullen: **Bella, I love you too!

**7: 38 pm Lord Vile: **OH GAG. Seriously, just die already. I will go all badass Necromancer on your asses

**7: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Now usually I'd never agree with you, but WHOO GO VILE

**7: 41 pm Reia Kellyn: **I'm with Skulduggery and Vile on this!

**7: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: **I couldn't agree more.

**7: 46 pm Nefarian Serpine: **Done excellently, Lord Vile!

**7: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Twilight - Brining all of Sorcererkind together.

**Tanith Low, Veevee Scapegrace, Billy-Ray Sanguine and thirty eight others like this**

**8: 21 pm Luster Violet posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall**

Baby, we've been going out a week now and I really think it's brought out the best of us, as people. But I think it's time you owned up to everything you've done in the past.

**8: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder: **?

**8: 24 pm Luster Violet: **I can freely admit I was a background dancer for the Pussycat Dolls, and I hope there's things that you want to share too...

**8: 27 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **OK. For you, I'll do it :)

**8: 30 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Alright, I'll admit it. It was I who let the dogs out.

**8: 35 pm Erskine Ravel: **Whaaa...?

**8: 39 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder posted on Antoine Dodson's Wall**

Sorry :L

**8: 43 pm Antoine Dodson: **Huh?

**8: 46 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I was the bed intruder...

**8: 51 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Yes, **Ghastly Bespoke**, 'twas I who scratched your loafers

**8: 56 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **YOU SONOFABANSHEE

**8: 59 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **You're right **Luster Violet**, I do feel a lot better after that :)

**9: 02 pm Luster Violet: **See told you baby! Now, I was thinking about my moving-in details...

**9: 03 pm Finbar Wrong: **WHUT?

**9: 04 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Thanks Finbar, you took the words right out of my mouth

**9: 05 pm Luster Violet: **Well we've made such a connection I thought that naturally I would be moving in soon.

**9: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Woah woah woah woah what gave you that idea? We've barely known each other a week!

**9: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: **Ooooooh, this is gonna be good! xD

**9: 11 pm Luster Violet: **Are you saying you don't want to live together?

**9: 12 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Well...yeah, I guess that's what I am saying.

**9: 13 pm Luster Violet: **Then we obviously want different things. See you around, Anton.

**9: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: **Unlucky bro :L You gonna be OK?

**9: 17 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Yeah, I think so :/

**9: 20 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Next time the Hotel's in Dublin, we can all go out to a bar somewhere maybe?

**9: 23 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **It's actually arriving in three hours...how about we go out to the Alchemy Club and have a few drinks?

**9: 25 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Sure, why not :)

**9: 35 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Dads, you better lock up your daughters because Big 'Ton's back in Dublin town!

**9: 37 pm Erskine Ravel: **And the Skul Crew rides again!

**Valkyrie Cain, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio and ten other people like this**


	14. Propositioning Anton

_**Who here has seen the new Harry Potter? It was so epic, and yet...AVADA KEDAVRA, MY CHILDHOOD :(**_

_**Mademise - You got the Mortal Instruments reference! Yes! :D *does a happy dance***_

_**Anyway, sorry for the crapiness of this chapter, it's really just a filler.**_

**5: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder is ridin' solo**

**Fletcher Renn, Finbar Wrong, Tanith Low and fifteen others like this**

**5: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **How did you get to put your relationship status to ridin' solo?

**5: 21 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **If I told you, I would have to kill you. Let it just be said that it involved several cherries and a blowtorch.

**5: 23 pm Valkyrie Cain: **He's kidding with you, Fletcher.

**5: 34 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Recently I've been thinking...

**5: 39 pm China Sorrows: **GASP.

**5: 42 pm Finbar Wrong: **Dun dun dunnn

**5: 43 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Hell has frozen over and I just bought ice skates

**5: 46 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Anton Shudder: Thinking for the first time since 1992

**5: 47 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **MINDFUCK.

**5: 48 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Pinnoccio's nose just grew a couple more feet...

**5: 51 pm Tanith Low: **Come on guys. Anton thinks about about things, like the next girl he's going to lure into his bed.

**5: 52 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Did you ever think there was ever more to life than being really, really good looking?

**5: 55 pm Fletcher Renn: **YES.

**5: 57 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I mean, sometimes I wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and think 'ah, perfection.'

**5: 59 pm Fletcher Renn: **All the time! Ya know, it's a pretty awesome feeling knowing that your hotness can explode with the force of a guyser at Yellowstone!

**6: 01 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Everyone that ISN'T Fletcher or Anton, come over to mine for a Harry Potter six showing. I've got popcorn and fake wands and everything.

**Tanith Low, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Solomown Wreath and sour others like this**

**6: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **I DON'T CARE! Anyway, that movie confuses me, all the felix felicis stuff is weird :/

**6: 05 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I'll tell you the secret of felix felicis: I shag you once. You're happy all your life.

**6: 08 pm Fletcher Renn: **Wise words indeed.

**6: 10 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **What can I say...I'm a giving person.

**6:11 pm Fletcher Renn: **Any more advice? I sorta like this girl, you see

**6: 12 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Try and not think about it! Don't care about the hoes that be trippin' on you.

**6: 13 pm Fletcher Renn: **Didn't Skul say that last week at the bar?

**6: 14 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Yes, but that doesn't matter. I think I'll take you out to the bar again and show you a good time ;) Now where's High Priest Tenebrae?

**6: 15 pm Fletcher Renn: **I don't like Tenebrae, he's a douche :o

**6: 15 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Don't let that fool you - Tenebrae is the sort of guy that you want as your drinking buddy.

**6: 18 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'm not letting you go with Tenny, I saw him kissing a dog in his office once and it may or may not have been real :L You can come to Ghastly's as long as you aren't too perverted :P

**6: 19 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Me? Perverted?

**6: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Just yesterday you were talking about how you would sex a zombie :/

**6: 21 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Hey, I'm not fussy!

**6: 22 pm Valkyrie Cain: **That's almost as disturbing as Thrasher's habit of dressing up like Lady Gaga :L

**6: 23 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **I can't help it, I was born this way!

**6: 23 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Or reborn this way, same thing

**6: 25 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **Ahhh, that's sweet :')

**6: 27 pm Fletcher Renn: **See hompohobes? Gay peeps r freaking AWESOME!

**6: 28 pm Valkyrie Cain: **...Yeah, whatever. Just bring some haribos when you come over, Tanith's wanting a bag :3

**6: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **Can I buy a bag too?

**6: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Go all out.

**6: 57 pm Fletcher Renn **I am a ladykiller!

**7: 02 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Fletcher?

**7: 05 pm Fletcher Renn: **'Sup.

**7: 05 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You ate the bag of haribos, didn't you?

**7: 06 pm Fletcher Renn: **Fuck yeah I did!

**7: 11 pm Reia Kellyn posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Team Draco in the house!

**7: 14 pm Tanith Low: **Have you even seen Ron? So adorable! :')

**7: 15 pm Reia Kellyn: **Yeah, but neither of them are as hot as Blaine Babes

**Amara Calla and Tariana Ravelicious Grace like this**

**7: 18 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Blaine? What is it with dis hobbit bitch?

**7: 19 pm Reia Kellyn: **YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.

**7: 21 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Wait what?

**7: 22 pm Reia Kellyn: **Dead, I tell you!

**7: 23 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, you seem to piss every girl off xD

**7: 25 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **That girl on Wednesday was totally into me!

**7: 26 pm Erskine Ravel: **Until she said ''DON'T EVER CHANGE!'' and you said ''But babe, I'm a Transformer!''

**7: 27 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Just shows how damn hilarious I am.

**7: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **If I didn't know you, the song I would describe you with is Ego.

**7: 29 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **We'll see what everyone else says!

**7: 35 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **People, songs/lyrics that describe me?

**7: 38 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Don't Stand So Close To Me

**7: 41 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Every breath you take, every move you make I'll be watching you..

**7: 43 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You and me baby we ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

**7: 46 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Thanks Ghastly I'm flattered but quite frankly you're not my type

**7: 46 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **No, that's what you were singing to me last night. :L

**7: 48 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **...I must've been really drunk...

**7: 49 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Indeed. You were in the middle of my cupboard shouting ''Where the fuck's my passage to Narnia!''

**7: 49 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Then you started sobbing that Mr Tumnus had sealed it on you and you were stuck with us filthy Muggles.

**7: 50 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Isn't that a like?

**7: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You INVENTED that like. That and **You know it was a good night when you still have cake in you hair**

**7: 52 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Hey, that's a pretty good like! :}

**7: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio and nineteen others like You know it was a good night when you still have cake in your hair**

**8: 12 pm Skulduggery Pleasant posted on Ghastly Bespoke's Wall**

So you tried to proposition Anton?

**8: 15 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **What? NO. I just told him what he was singing to me last night. What's he been saying?

**8: 17 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **That you stripped in a catsuit for him. Pretty unrealistic, now I come to think of it...you'd never fit in a catsuit...

**8: 18 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Sometimes I really hate you.

**8: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Herp derp.

**8: 23 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Quiet (for us) night with the Skul Crew, heading home now :)

**8: 25 pm Thurid Guild: **No you're not. I have a date with m'lady Sue so you and the other misfits will have to take over the Sanctuary for a few hours.

**8: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **With Sue? But you're married :o

**8: 27 pm Erskine Ravel: **So pessimistic.

**8: 28 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **That's it. I'm telling your wife!

**8: 29 pm Thurid Guild: **Damn you, skeleton. I'll get my revenge -.-

**Thurid Guild is offline**

**8: 32 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Well looks like our night's not over yet. I'll get Fletcher to teleport us :L

**8: 32 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **And get a cold compress for me. I feel a headache coming on.

**8: 33 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Skul, you're, well, you're a skeleton...

**8: 35 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I know that.

**8: 35 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Nevermind.

**11: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **I want to be a girl!

**11: 59 pm Valkyrie Cain: ***glares at Tariana, Amara and Reia*

**12: 02 pm Amara Calla: **We didn't frape him this time, I swear!

**12: 05 pm PM message: Thurid Guild to Sue 'The Fury' Sylvester**

High fivee


	15. Grouching with a Promised Christmas Tree

_**First off, I'm really, really sorry for not updating in weeks, exams caught up with me so I didn't have much time to write this fic :/**_

_**However, as a Christmas present, I'm writing a mini-series called Twelve Days of SkulBook, updated every day from here until Christmas :) Hope you enjoy!**_

_**For anyone that doesn't read my other fic SDJPO, Anton has a pet sloth called Freddie. I'm also introducing Evangeline Evergreen's character, who Anton hits on...a lot.**_

**6: 14 pm Fletcher Renn **Snow is falling, all around us, people dancing, all night long (8)

**6: 16 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **If by snow you mean damp grey slush, then yes, it sure is falling around us.

**6: 17 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I sure wish I was dancing all night long :L

**6: 19 pm Dexter Vex: **All we do now is stay in and argue comically. We should have our own sitcom.

**6: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Hey, don't forget we occasionally do a good deed and go out to beat up a bad guys! We're all about giving.

**6: 20 pm Fletcher Renn: **Yeah! Lighten up people, it's almost Christmas! :D

**6: 21 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **That's something to ':D' about? Christmas is cold, and all the lights hurt my eyes, and people think it's a time when ugly footwear is acceptable. Christmas is not a joyous occasion when you are the only person in Dublin to wear Jimmy Choo.

**6: 22 pm Fletcher Renn: **Ghastly, you're a grouch at Christmas.

**6: 24 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I will vomit a candy cane-coloured mess that bursts into occasional verses of Frosty the Snowman down your favourite T-shirt. Then we'll see how you feel about Christmas.

**Reia Kellyn, Skulduggery Pleasant, Amara Calla and six others like this**

**6: 26 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **GHASTLY BESPOKE FOR GOD 2K11

**6: 27 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'd vote for him xD

**6: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Seconded :}

**6: 28 pm Erskine Ravel: **God Grouchly, the Almighty Grouch.

**6: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **BACK TO THE ORIGINAL MEANING OF THIS POST, what are we doing for Christmas this year?

**6: 31 pm Tanith Low: **No idea. I still need to decorate my flat for Christmas but i suppose a few of you could come over for dinner :)

**6: 31 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'm with my family all day but I could try to catch you on Christmas Eve :)

**6: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I suppose I could come and let you bask in my presence.

**6: 35 pm Erskine Ravel: **Well, at least this Christmas there won't be a Valkyrie around for you to try and use your miseltoe on :L

**6: 37 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I am a much more mature man now. Anyway, has anyone else forgotten Fletcher breaking the Black Ops disc?

**6: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **No -.- The memory of it snapping in two still haunts me to this day.

**6: 39 pm Fletcher Renn: **THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! LET IT GO!

* * *

**6: 41 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Hey hey, my man. Coming to the Hotel for Christmas Eve dinner before Tanith's on the 25th?

**6: 45 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

No. Remember what happened last time?

**6: 46 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I'm telling you, Freddie didn't mean to do it! He's a sloth! It's natural!

**6: 48 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

We're having Christmas Eve dinner at my house this year, OK?

**6: 51 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Fine. -.-

* * *

**7: 03 pm Grouchly Bespoke posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Tanith, if you haven't got your decorations up yet, the other guys and me could go and get them for you :) Tomorrow we'll go get a Christmas tree for you if you want?

**7: 09 pm Tanith Low: **Really? Thanks, Ghastly :)

**7: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **Are you forgetting we have work tomorrow?

**7: 13 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **We can get someone to cover for us.

**7: 15 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Then I suppose Ireland can survive without my prodigic crime-solving skills for an evening.

**7: 18 pm Erskine Ravel: **Whatever makes you happy.

**7: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **So where are we meeting tomorrow?

**7: 23 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Be at my house for about 8 AM. Anton, you can bring your car for loading the tree into.

**7: 26 pm Antceratops Shudder: **What? It's a Porsche! What if the furnishings get scratched?

**7: 28 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Believe me, this is not a face that cares.


	16. Two Trudder Babies

_**There's a Father Ted reference in here for anyone that's watched it ;)**_

**10: 09 am Skulduggery Pleasant **Oh God.

**Dexter Vex and Grouchly Bespoke like this**

**10: 12 am Tanith Low: **What's up?

**10: 13 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **A Porsche just rolled down Ghastly's street playing Superbass at full volume.

**10: 15 am Leo DiCaprio: **And the top rolled down and Anton jumped out. And he said ''Get in losers, we're going shopping.''

**10: 18 am Grouchly Bespoke: **That wasn't the worst thing, though.

**10: 18 am Tanith Low: **What happened? xD

**10: 19 am Dexter Vex: **Fletcher happened.

**10: 18 am Leo DiCaprio: **He walked in five minutes ago...

**10: 19 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **He was wearing a t-shirt that said 'Fletcher Renn: Better Than You.'

**10: 23 am Fletcher Renn: **What can I say? My t-shirt speaks the truth.

**10: 25 am Dexter Vex: **You hair's looking spikier than usual today, Fletcher. Did you stick a dead hedgehog in it?

**10: 26 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I agree with you, but it probably wasn't dead when he put it up there.

**10: 27 am Grouchly Bespoke: **Yeah. The noxious fumes from the hair gel would have gassed it.

**10: 27 am Fletcher Renn: **You're all just jealous. My hair can cure cancer, AIDS, heart disease and if you touch it you get pregnant...even men.

**10: 29 am Erskine Ravel: **I think we should tell Dexter to touch his hair, see what happens.

**10: 31 am Dexter Vex: **Not a chance. That thing is unholy :L

**10: 32 am Antceratops Shudder: **Come on, are we getting a move on to this tree place or what?

**10: 35 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **First, I have to give the young Teleporter some advice.

**10: 39 am Skulduggery Pleasant posted on Fletcher Renn's Wall**

Before we leave, I have some things I want to remind you.

1. No monopolizing the front seat.

2. No emergency gel re-applications if you think your hair is out of place. The same can be said for your eyeshadow and other assorted makeups I am convinced you secretly wear.

3. No singing along to whatever song Anton puts on in his car. Yes, that includes any and all Jedward songs.

4. No Teleporting to the top of a tree and throwing bits of paper down on our heads. I still remember what happened on that nature walk we went on last month. Neither has my hat.

5. And absolutely no handling Anton's axe.

**10: 42 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Do you understand what I mean?

**10: 44 am Fletcher Renn: **Yes, Skul.

**10: 45 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Do you really?

**10: 47 am Fletcher Renn: **No, Skul.

**10: 48 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Just don't do anything I wouldn't.

**10: 50 am Antceratops Shudder: **Wait, what's all this about Fletcher handling my 'axe'? :/

**10: 52 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **...

* * *

**12: 22 am Dexter Vex posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

Damn Anton, you have a NICE car.

**12: 24 am Antceratops Shudder: **Thanks ;)

**12: 26 am Dexter Vex: **Now will you shut the hell up and stop singing Milkshake, because it's incredibly disturbing.

**12: 18 am Amara Calla: **Wait...Anton's singing Milkshake? XD

**12: 30 am Leo DiCaprio: **For the past half hour. Skulduggery and I tried to drown him out with a chorus of My Heart Will Go On, but he's too powerful for us.

**12: 32 am Evangeline Evergreen: **Sounds terrifying.

**12: 34 am Dexter Vex: **Imagine Fletcher naked. Multiply that by ten. That's how terrifying it is.

**12: 35 am Valkyrie Cain: **So what's happening? :3

**12: 37 am Leo DiCaprio: **Nothing much, Fletcher just got verbally destroyed

**Amara Calla, Valkyrie Cain, Dexter Vex and eight others like this**

**12: 40 am Grouchly Bespoke: **Well, right now we're all packed into Anton's car, and we're almost at the forest. Hopefully we'll be able to get a tree and back to Dublin by late afternoon. That is, if Anton's singing doesn't kill us first.

**12: 42 am Antceratops Shudder: **Ghastly's muscles bring all the girls to the yard and they're like 'Ew no look at his scars'

**Erskine Ravel, Dexter Vex, Finbar Wrong and eleven others like this**

**12: 44 am Grouchly Bespoke: **OK. You win this round -.-

* * *

**1: 23 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Are you SURE you don't want to come over for Christmas Eve dinner?

**1: 25 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Have you got rid of your sloth?

**1: 25 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

No...

**1: 28 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Then no.

**1: 30 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

-.- So found any decent trees yet?

**1: 34 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Nope. I don't think it was a good idea for us to split up to search the forest. Have you found any?

**1: 37 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Nah. In the area I'm in all the trees are the same height as Fletcher. I don't think they even reach my knees ;D

**1: 38 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

xD

**1: 39 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Antceratops Shudder and Erskine Ravel**

I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!

**1: 42 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Whaaaa...?

**1: 43 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

How the hell did he get on our chat...? :/

**1: 45 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

He's demonspawn. It's the only explanation.

* * *

**2: 06 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **So has anyone out of **Dexter Vex**, **Leo DiCaprio**, **Erskine Ravel**, **Antceratops Shudder **or **Grouchly Bespoke **managed to find a good enough tree?

**2: 08 pm Fletcher Renn: **Why didn't you tag me?

**2: 10 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, you're obviously not going to have found a tree by yourself.

**2: 13 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Ghastly and I haven't found anything.

**2: 15 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Neither have me or Dex.

**2: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **And I hear there's going to be a snow front moving in over in the next few hours so we better find one quick before it reaches the forest :L

**2: 19 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **How about we head for higher ground? Can you all see the really tall tree marking the top of the hill? I'll meet you all there, the trees in that direction look pretty good.

**2: 22 pm Dexter Vex: **Sure. Anton and I'll see you guys there.

**Dexter Vex has signed out**

**Leo DiCaprio has signed out**

**Antceratops Shudder has signed out**

**Skulduggery Pleasant has signed out**

**Erskine Ravel has signed out**

**Grouchly Bespoke has signed out**

**2: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **Guys?

**2: 35 pm Fletcher Renn: **Any of you there?

**2: 38 pm Fletcher Renn: **I think I'm lost.

**2: 43 pm Fletcher Renn: **Crap.

* * *

**4: 14 pm Dexter Vex **GUYS I FOUND THE MOST EPIC TREE EVER. Turn right after you get to the tree marking the top of the hill and when you hear my celebratory calls, jog in that direction. You won't be disappointed.

**4: 20 pm Erskine Ravel: **It's BEAUTIFUL.

**4: 23 pm Leo DiCaprio: **It makes Titanic-sized trees seem lifeboat-sized, such is the height of this tree.

**4: 26 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I would marry the shit out of this tree, then raise little Tree/Shudder babies. Trudder babies.

**4: 29 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Then step out of the way, and let the magnificent skeleton do his work.

**4: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Are you sure Elemental earth powers work on felling trees? I mean, you've only been able to command earth so far.

**4: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: ***dusts hands* You were saying?

**4: 38 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Well, that settles it. Skulduggery can cut down trees. We can celebrate with cigars later. Now can we load this down to Anton's car?

**4: 41 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I can't believe you killed the future mother of my treeling children. Our babies would have been smart AND sexy.

**4: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oh, cry me a river. Now help pulling this tree, because if this suit gets ripped, I will show you what World War Skul looks like.

**4: 47 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Fine, fine. But seriously, are you ripping up another tree because I can hear a really weird cracking sound

**4: 47 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Yeah OK, this tree's about to fall down on top of me. RUN FOR YOUR LIVESSSS

**4: 48 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Ouch. Even I felt that.

* * *

**6: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

I can't believe you let that tree fall on me -.-

**6: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oooops. Guess I don't know my own strength.

**6: 27 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I may not be able to see you from the back seat but I can feel the waves of sarcasm coming off you.

**6: 29 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Feel away, Anton. No, really, feel away, because spread out across Erskine's lap is as good a time to cop a feel as any.

**6: 31 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'M INJURED!

**6: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Anyway, that tree almost crushed me. I'm glad we didn't have these Trudder babies after all :L

**6: 36 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, I carried you AND pushed that leviathan of a tree down the hill, so just be happy that it hasn't fallen off the roof of your car yet.

**6: 40 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I know this may not be the time, but where's Fletcher?

**6: 43 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Probably receiving frostbite from trying to search for us back in the forest, but who cares? I am in MORTAL PERIL. I may DIE AT ANY SECOND. The tree DESTROYED me.

**6: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **You know, this reminds me of the time I was attacked by your sloth.

**6: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Forget the sloth!

**6: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: **I wish I could.


	17. Three Stolen Chocolates

**7: 28 am Fletcher Renn **OK. WHO THE BLOODY HELL ATE MY ADVENT CHOCOLATE?

**7: 34 am Dexter Vex: **Ah, what a wonderful thing to wake up to in the morning.

**Leo DiCaprio likes this**

**7: 38 am Grouchly Bespoke: **I think the real question here is: Why does Fletcher still keep Advent calendars?

**Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant and China Sorrows like this**

**7: 40 am Fletcher Renn: **NOBODY IS ANSWERING MY QUESTION.

**7: 42 am Tanith Low: **Fletcher, are you saying that someone went into your Advent calendar and took a chocolate out?

**7: 42 am Fletcher Renn: **Yes!

**7: 44 am Valkyrie Cain: **So why don't we retrace your steps from when you woke up?

**7: 46 am Fletcher Renn: **I woke up, did my hair, admired my hair, walked to my calendar, opened the number 16 and THERE WAS NO CHOCOLATE IN IT. And all the other days before this had chocolate!

**7: 47 am Valkyrie Cain: **So basically, someone sneakily opened your calendar, took the chocolate out and re-sealed it again.

**7: 49 am Fletcher Renn: **Obviously they didn't want to alert my suspicions by leaving it open, so by shutting the door for the 16th back up I wouldn't see someone had stolen my chocolate!

**7: 53 am Erskine Ravel: **This is all fine and good and I can see this will be a real head-scratching mystery for us, but I'm still exhausted from getting Tanith's tree yesterday and I have to go work with a woman who I suspect doesn't bathe. Yes, I do mean Madam Mist. So shut your whining and bother us with this at a REASONABLE time.

**7: 55 Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Fine. But Chocolate Stealer, I'll be watching.

* * *

**8: 27 am Grouchly Bespoke posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

I'm sorry, but it looks like I won't be able to pick you up today. I'm running late so it might be better if you could catch a lift with Skulduggery or Valkyrie

**8: 29 am Tanith Low: **It's fine, don't worry. :) I'll text Val and ask them to swing by. What's making you late?

**8: 31 am Grouchly Bespoke: **I slept in past my alarm because and now my van wheels are frozen over -.- I've explained to Erskine why I'll be late, but Fletcher's coming over in a bit to Teleport me there.

**8: 34 am Tanith Low: **Oh, you're tired from searching for a tree to get me, aren't you? :L Thanks for it, by the way :) You want to come over later and decorate?

**8: 37 am Grouchly Bespoke: **For you, I'll make the exception to Christmas decorations :)

**8: 37 am Tanith Low: **Thanks :) Now the Bentley's pulled up outside, I better go before Skulduggery starts honking the horn. Meet you for lunch xxxx

**8: 38 am Grouchly Bespoke: **Looking forward to it :)

* * *

**9: 20 am PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Fletcher Watchingyou Renn**

Thanks for Teleporting me this morning, I just got into the meeting on time

**9: 39 am PM message: Fletcher Watchingyou Renn to Grouchly Bespoke**

No problem. You haven't got an idea who took my Advent chocolate by any chance? :3

**9: 41 am PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Fletcher Watchingyou Renn**

No clue. But I do know that Thrasher has a fondness for chocolate, if that helps?

**9: 43 am PM message: Fletcher Watchingyou Renn to Grouchly Bespoke**

It does. Thanks, Ghastly. You've told me everything I need to know...

**9: 52 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn posted on Thrasher Scapegraceswoon's Wall**

Alright bitch, what did you do with my chocolate?

**9: 56 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Excuse me?

**9: 58 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **You know what I'm talking about, you piece of rotting zombie filth! Your sweet tooth compelled you to take MY Advent chocolate. But that sweet tooth shall shortly be ripped out of your head, along with your heart, lungs and several other pieces of your anatomy.

**10: 00 am Valkyrie Cain: **And BOOM! Fletcher's hot.

**10: 01 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **I'll rip out your small intestine and force you to eat it again, but since you'll have nothing to digest it with it will slowly poison your decaying corpse as I beat the crap out of it

**10: 01 am Valkyrie Cain: **You are so attractive right now.

**10: 03 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **After you're writhing in pain on the floor I'll tear out your eye and send it to your beloved as a gift. And then I'll shoot you.

**10: 04 am Valkyrie Cain: **Seriously, I'll have your babies

**10: 04 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **WHAT?

**10: 05 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Oh hi there Val ;) You feeling some love for the Flerminator? ;D

**10: 07 am Valkyrie Cain: **Never mind, I'm over it.

**10: 08 am Veevee Scapegrace: **YOU WOULD SEND ME HIS EYE? That's hot. But why are you bullying my boyfriend? -.-

**10: 10 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Uck, zombie sex. But he stole my godamn Advent chocolate and I CANNOT LET THAT GO UNPUNISHED.

**10: 11 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **But I didn't steal anything of yours!

**10: 13 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Don't waste your time, I was reliably informed of your taste for chocolate.

**10: 15 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **I didn't take it! I swear!

**10: 16 am Veevee Scapegrace: **Thrasher didn't take the chocolate...it was me.

**10: 17 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **What?

**10: 19 am Veevee Scapegrace: **When we were all at your hotel room last week I sneaked into your bedroom and took a chocolate out of the calendar, then sealed it back up so you wouldn't notice :L Thrasher was going on about how much he wanted chocolate so I had to give him some...also to shut him up.

**10: 20 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Oh Veevee :')

**10: 21 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **If you got the chocolate for Thrasher then how come he didn't know about this?

**10: 24 am Veevee Scapegrace: **I didn't get the chance to. When we were heading home Thrasher went into a shop and I was approached when he was inside. The man wanted the chocolate so I gave it to him...he offered us a new refrigerator for the Penguin Mobile!

**10: 26 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **So this guy knew you had the Advent chocolate and wanted the one you had specifically rather than going out and buying a calendar for himself?

**10: 28 am Veevee Scapegrace: **Yes. He saw me take it from your room and he wanted it for blackmail purposes because he knew how upset you would get if it went missing

**10: 31 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **So who was it?

**10: 33 am Veevee Scapegrace: **Who else is a brilliant detective that is also incredibly annoyed by you?

**10: 35 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Remus Crux?

**10: 35 am Veevee Scapegrace: **No...

**10: 35 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Davina Marr?

**10: 37 am Veevee Scapegrace: **Try again :/

**10: 38 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Well I don't know because the only other brilliant detective I can think of is Valkyrie and I don't annoy her

**10: 40 am Valkyrie Cain: **The ONLY other detective? :L

**10: 41 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **You're really stupid, and when someone with my IQ tells you that something is definitely wrong

**10: 43 am Veevee Scapegrace: **IT'S SKULDUGGERY.

**10: 45 am Fletcher Watchingyou Renn: **Aaaaahhhhh! That makes sense!

**10: 47 am Veevee Scapegrace: **I am constantly surrounded by idiots.

**10: 49 am Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **But not me, right?

**10: 52 am Veevee Scapegrace: **I'm saying nothing.

**11: 04 am Fletcher Renn posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

I've found you out! YOU were the one that took my chocolate, you theiving bony arse!

**11: 06 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Oh no. I have been found out. Please, spare meyour verbal abuse before I start to cry.

**11: 08 am Fletcher Renn: **You know of my love for Advent chocolate and you thought you could you could blackmail me using it. But I've learned of your plot and it won't work!

**11: 10 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **So the thirty cans of hair gel I took from your bathroom won't constitute as a suitable blackmail replacement?

**12: 14 am Fletcher Renn: **WHAT did you do?

**12: 16 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Let me explain in terms your simple brain might understand: I take hairgel. You cry. The end.

**Antceratops Shudder likes this**

**12: 20 am Fletcher Renn: **A POX ON YOU, SKULDUGGERY.


	18. Four Sexy Basements

_**To get into the Chris Colfer/Kurt Hummel appreciation of this post, I suggest listening to the Glee Cast's version of Baby It's Cold Outside :}**_

_**Evangeline's power is a huge control over the fire element, for anyone that hasn't read SDJPO.**_

**6: 22 pm Tanith Low has created the page Free Kurt Hummel From His Shirt**

**Reia Kellyn, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Grouchly Bespoke and five hundred and fourty-six others like the page Free Kurt Hummel From His Shirt**

**6: 25 pm Erskine Ravel: **Why did you make this group? :L

**6: 27 pm Tanith Low: **...Because I have a sneaking suspicion that Chris Colfer may be perfect.

**6: 29 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Truer words have never been spoken.

**6: 31 pm Reia Kellyn: **Chris Colfer: Proof that angels walk among us.

**6: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **He should stop being beautiful...no wait he shouldn't.

**6: 35 pm Amara Calla: **A single tear from him could cure diabetes. But unfortunately nobody can face making Chris Colfer cry.

**6: 36 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **I could die happy if it would mean I got Chris Colfer in a box on Christmas Day.

**6: 37 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Agreed. It would quite literally be Chris-mas.

**6: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I suppose now would not be the time to remember that we already got jealous over Chris Colfer and the various other members of the Glee cast?

**6: 40 pm Erskine Ravel: **And we're not going to repeat that night again. Right, Anton?

**6: 45 pm Erskine Ravel: **Where's Anton?

**6: 48 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Management cancelled his account.

**6: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You know you've done a good job when they delete you ;)

**6: 51 pm Dexter Vex: **If they deleted you then how come you're back on? Your control over your SkulBook is quite alarming :/

**6: 54 pm Antceratops Shudder: **What can I say, you sleep with enough people and you start to build up connections in very high places.

**6: 55 pm Fletcher Renn: **I can't help but kind of admire you right now. Back to the original meaning of this post, can we just all agree Chris Colfer is flawless and move on?

**6: 58 pm Tanith Low: **We all agree he's flawless. So why don't we have another Gleekend and apreciate his fabulousness?

**7: 00 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You can come over to mine tonight as a celebration for me returning to Skulbook :)

**7: 02 pm Dexter Vex: **After a deletion of five minutes, but still. Reia, Leo and I'll be there in half an hour

**Dexter Vex has logged off**

**Reia Kellyn has logged off**

**Leo DiCaprio has logged off**

**7: 04 pm Fletcher Renn: **Sorry, but I won't be able to come :( I've got a date ;) Try not to miss me too much

**7: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Don't worry. I'll try to miss you, but probably fail.

**7: 07 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I feel bad for your guests seeing as how often you stop off in Ireland :L But Tanith and I can come. Skulduggery and Val will probably come too

**Grouchly Bespoke has logged off**

**7: 08 pm Erskine Ravel: **You can count on Tara and I to turn up (:

* * *

**7: 44 pm Tanith Low and Grouchly Bespoke checked in at the Midnight Hotel**

**7: 47 pm Tanith Low **Back at the **Midnight Hotel** ;D

**Antceratops Shudder likes this**

**7: 49 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I don't like the look of the weather forecasts...if the snow traps us in here after 12 we'll be stuck here and relocated to another country with a sex-mad hotel owner :L

**7: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And that's a BAD thing?

**7: 56 pm Dexter Vex, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen and Erskine Ravel checked in at the Midnight Hotel**

**7: 59 pm Erskine Ravel: **You have your sloth locked up, right?

**8: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Yes, Freddie's asleep in his basket.

**8: 03 pm Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain checked in at Midnight Hotel**

**8: 05 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sloth locked up in basket, popcorn in bowl, TV on and everyone's here. Let's start :)

* * *

**9: 36 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Dexter Vex**

Can you pause the DVD a minute? I need to check something.

**9: 39 pm PM message: Dexter Ves to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Sure...?

**9: 43 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Unless the sight outside the **Midnight Hotel **deceives me, there is currently three feet of snow outside, and it's growing.

**9: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh shiiiiiiiiit.

**9: 49 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **What did I tell you? I told you that it would snow! I told you!

**9: 51 pm Dexter Vex: **OK, one-nil for the Grouch That Rained On Everybody's Christmas. Skul, is the snow high enough to block the roads?

**9: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well it's three bloody feet, so yes.

**9: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Typical. The one time you need a Teleporter around and he's nowhere to be seen. Has anyone tried texting him?

**10: 01 pm Valkyrie Cain: **He's got his mobile turned off - he's out on a date with his girlfriend, remember?

**10: 03 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Look, our best bet is heading down to the basement for a couple hours before the power lines freeze over and the temperature drops. Gelly can use her badass fire-Elemental powers to heat up the space so we don't die of hypothermia. Believe me, it's a nasty way to go.

**10: 05 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **I'm fine with that xD

**10: 08 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, what about your guests? You've got, what, four in the Hotel right now?

**10: 11 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Who gives a crap about them, I'm just trying to keep our own asses alive! And by the way, I think we should eat Ghastly if our last resort comes down to cannibalism.

**10: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton... -.-

**10: 12 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Fine, we'll eat Dex.

**10: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: **No, what about your guests?

**10: 16 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OK, OK. If Gelly's going to keep us warm, I'll direct all the last of the heat into their rooms so they don't freeze and die. I swear, you and Leo better watch your postitions as the token nice guys of the group.

**10: 18 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I thought you said we were 'the pussy ones'?

**10: 19 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Look, I'm trying to be nice here, bro!

* * *

**10: 27 pm Tanith Low **This basement is Arctic :/

**10: 29 pm Leo DiCaprio: **The last time I was this cold, I was freezing my ass off in the Atlantic Ocean.

**10: 29 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Don't worry, we're only down here for a few hours until the snow wears off.

**10: 29 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Give me a few minutes to go into Human-Torch mode and give this place some heat

**10: 29 pm Tanith Low: **Thanks :)

**10: 33 pm Leo DiCaprio: **It's pretty cool how you can make all the flame like that. Do you think we could toast marshmallows over you? :3

**10: 35 pm Amara Calla: **PLEASE say we can?

**10: 37 pm Erskine Ravel: **Oh Lord, if we get Tariana onto the marshmallows there's no telling what might happen...;)

**10: 38 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: ***Slaps stupid boyfriend around head*

**10: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **I'l give you all my marshmallows if you stop hitting me ;)

**10: 39 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Deal xD

* * *

**10: 43 pm Antceratops Shudder posted on Evangeline Evergreen's Wall ***Sidles over to Evangeline* *Smirks* *Starts singing Baby It's Cold Outside*

**10: 44 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **...

**10: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I know you liked it when Chris Colfer sang this on Glee, so...;)

**10: 47 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I really can't stay...baby it's cold outside...I've got to go away...baby it's cold outside...

**10: 49 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **:L

**10: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I simply must go...

**10: 54 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Baby it's cold outside...

**10: 55 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **The answer is no.

**10: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Knew I'd get you singing ;) Darling it's cold outside...

**10: 58 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **No really, the answer is no. I'm not singing any song with you out loud or on SkulBook :/

**10: 59 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OK then, I'll make you produce some other noises out loud ;)

**11: 02 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Erskine, Anton's being creepy again!

**11: 04 pm Erskine Ravel: **Mate, she'll never go out with you if you keep sex-pesting her like this.

**11: 06 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Always worked for me before ;D

* * *

**11: 18 pm Tanith Low **I spied two couples making out as I came back from toasting marshmallows on **Evangeline Evergreen**. Not naming any names (**Dexter Vex **and **Reia Kellyn**) (**Tariana Ravelicious Grace **and **Erskine Ravel**)

**11: 19 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well, you know, we're sexy people, it's natural for us to do these things.

**11: 20 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sorry. I guess PDA's our thing ;)

**11: 22 pm Tanith Low: **No, it kind of got me in the mood. Ghastly, want to elope to a nearby cupboard?

**11: 25 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I'll be there in five minutes.

**11: 27 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Kinky Ghanith, I really don't think you should go into my basement cupboards...:L

**11: 34 pm Tanith Low **Oh my God. **Antceratops Shudder **what the bloody hell is that?

**11: 37 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Holy Loafer!

**11: 37 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I told you that you didn't want to go into the cupboards here!

**11: 39 pm Tanith Low: **I think I'm going to throw up

**11: 40 pm Leo DiCaprio: **What? What's happening?

**11: 42 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Stay at your end of the basement. You don't want to see this.

**11: 43 pm Tanith Low: **Anton has a paedo cupboard full of things :L

**11: 44 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Things?

**11: 44 pm Tanith Low: **THINGS.

**11: 44 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Ahhh...

**11: 46 pm Leo DiCaprio: **OH YOU MEAN THESE KIND OF THINGS.

**11: 48 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder**

I know I should feel pretty grossed out by the paedo sex toy cupboard...but seriously. Respect.

**11: 49 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex**

I'll send you a proper message back one I'm not being mentally massacred by the girls :L

**11: 52 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Not to spoil the 'Shudder once again being the Paedo King' - vibe of the basement, but Valkyrie and I just went upstairs and the snow is too thick for us to get out.

**11: 52 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Plus it's about to hit midnight.

**11: 53 pm Reia Kellyn: **Damn. Where's the Hotel scheduled to appear next?

**11: 54 pm Antceratops Shudder: **...Paris. But it's too late to go change it.

**11: 56 pm Amara Calla: **So we're going to be stuck in Paris...

**11: 56 pm Erskine Ravel:** ...for at least twelve hours...

**11: 58 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **...until we can get back to Dublin?

**12: 00 pm Dexter Vex: **OH GOD WE'RE TRAPPED IN ANTON'S SEX DUNGEON OF HORROR D:


	19. Five French Cockblocks

_**Evangeline Evergreen**** was** **here!**_ **Yes, it's me, your friendly neighbourhood Spide- I mean _sorcerer_. Due to computer-related trouble, I'm posting for Reia. But don't worry, it's still her whacky basement trainwreck extravaganca! With Shudder's sex toys on top! (Well, maybe you should worry about that last sentence...) Anyway, here's your chapter, enjoy!**

**7: 08 am Dexter Vex **Ah, Paris, je t'aime, je t'aime.

**Tanith Low likes this**

**7: 11 am Grouchly Bespoke: **Speaking French doesn't make you any more clever.

**7: 13 am Dexter Vex: **At least I can actually speak different languages, as opposed to you, who can drawl a Yorkshire accent only

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Solomown Wreath, Valkyrie Cain and three others like this**

**7: 15 am Erskine Ravel: **Hey, he can also speak fluent crap.

**Dexter Vex and Amara Calla like this**

**7: 16 am Grouchly Bespoke: **How come? :L

**7: 18 am Erskine Ravel: **''Oooooh! These shoes! Those boots! The Champs-Elysees is the ONLY way to shop! Oooh, heartshape, heartshape!'' If you weren't one half of the Kinkiness of Ghanith I would be deeply suspicious of your sexuality.

**7: 20 am Grouchly Bespoke: **-.-

**7: 21 am Dexter Vex: **It's been fun, but I'm going out for croissants with Tareia and Leo now. Ta-ra, Ghastly. Don't use all your eyeliner in one go now.

**7: 23 am Erskine Ravel: **Wait in Reception for me, I'll be down in five minutes.

**7: 25 am Amara Calla: **Maybe Evangeline and I'll meet up with you later, we still have to get our Christmas presents :)

**7: 25 am Dexter Vex: **Sure, and then we can track down Skulduggery and Val. When did they leave?

**7: 27 am Amara Calla: **About half an hour ago when Ghastly and Tanith were coming back from the Champs-Elysees. We're all meeting up at eleven for lunch at that patisserie and then Tanith's decided we're going ice skating.

**7: 30 am Tanith Low: **We are, it's going to be so much fun :D Ghastly and I are just staying in the Hotel until then, and I'm calling Fletcher to tell him about the whole snowed-in-midnight transporting to Paris thing and hopefully he'll meet us at the ice rink so we can have some fun before he Teleports everyone back.

**7: 33 am Evangeline Evergreen: **Sounds great :3 Amara, Reia texted me so get changed because we're meeting them in twenty minutes ;)

**7: 35 am Amara Calla: **Sure. Anton, you coming?

**7: 36 am Antceratops Shudder: **Damn right. I've talked to the other guests and they know I'll be back for the next shift so I'm free until then.

**7: 38 am Amara Calla: **Meet Gelly and I at the main doors for quarter to and we can go to breakfast together.

**7: 39 am Antceratops Shudder: **Is this the point where I make the obligatory in-France menage a trois joke? ;D

**7: 39 am Amara Calla: **I don't think so, no

* * *

**8: 24 am Dexter Vex **Mon Dieu, I love French cafes.

**8: 25 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **You're not going to stop making talking in hybrid French, are you?

**8: 27 am Dexter Vex: **Nope :)

**8: 29 am Erskine Ravel: **I'm with you. I swear, I would turn pastry-sexual for these crepes.

**8: 30 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **It's a good thing you're pretty, because there are times I honestly wonder for your sanity.

**8: 31 am Erskine Ravel: **What?

**8: 32 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Nothing Erskine :}

**8: 34 am Antceratops Shudder: **So are we going shopping now or not? You Hotel-less people have to go in four hours, so if you want to do your Christmas shopping we better get it done now

**8: 37 am Erskine Ravel: **We don't have to bother Tanith and Ghastly, they're probably just screwing on a bed of croissants somewhere in the hotel

**8: 39 am Leo DiCaprio: **Mental image I do not want, right there. So hurry up, there's this really nice shop I went into while filming Inception...

**8: 41 am Antceratops Shudder: **OK, you're a fucking movie star, man. We get it.

* * *

**10: 03 am PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Dude, quit messing around with Tariana in the snow and help me out here, this shop assistant is totally clinging onto me :/

**10: 07 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

You came onto her first, didn't you?

**10: 08 am PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I may have told her she looked like she had flexible legs.

**11: 12 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Remember when you said your sloth had flexible legs and I didn't believe you? REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THEN?

**12: 12 am PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

With great detail.

**10: 14 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

Anyway, you're on your own there. Tara, Leo and I are making the most epic French snowman ever ;D

**10: 15 am PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

How's a French snowman different from any other snowman?

**10: 15 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

He's wearing a beret, obviously.

* * *

**10: 19 am Dexter Vex **So **Leo DiCaprio **bought a shirt that says 'I invade your dreams.' He played a character that invaded dreams. REAL-LIFECEPTION.

**Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen, Solomown Wreath and fourty others like this**

**10: 22 am China Sorrows: **How is Paris?

**10: 23 am Dexter Vex: **Covered in snow and with a bloody big tower in the middle of it. How's Dublin?

**10: 24 am China Sorrows: **A thousand times more depressing without the vitality of you and your group here to light it up.

**10: 24 am Dexter Vex: **Really?

**10: 26 am China Sorrows: **No, it's actually a lot more relaxing with you gone.

* * *

**10: 32 am PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Amara Calla**

We better meet at the front of the store now so we're on time to meet the others at 11

**10: 35 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Dexter Vex, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Amara Calla**

Give us five minutes, we're just finishing the French snowman

**10: 35 am PM message: Tariana Ravelicious Grace to Dexter Vex, Erskine Ravel, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen and Amara Calla**

Yeah, we've almost finished his moustache

**10: 37 am PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Amara Calla**

It's a French snowman you're doing, not a Hitler one!

**10: 38 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Dexter Vex, Reia Kellyn, Leo DiCaprio, Evangeline Evergreen, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Amara Calla**

Hitler snowman...BEST IDEA EVER.

* * *

**10: 42 am Evangeline Evergreen posted on Leo DiCaprio's Wall**

No, Leo, you can't draw the girls in the shop all day.

**10: 43 am Leo DiCaprio: **Awwww :(

**10: 46 am Antceratops Shudder: **Ooooooh, Leo, Leo! Draw me like you draw your French girls, Leo!

**10: 49 am Antceratops Shudder: **Wrong time?

**10: 51 am Evangeline Evergreen: **Wrong time.

**10: 52 am Antceratops Shudder: **There's never a wrong time for love ;)

**10: 53 am Evangeline Evergreen: **Uh, yeah, leaving now.

* * *

**11: 03 am PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel**

Hey, Ghastly and I met up with Val and Skulduggery. Meet us at the left side of the rink next to the food stand (:

**11: 05 am PM message: Erskine Ravel to Tanith Low**

OK, heading there now :)

* * *

**11: 09 am Antceratops Shudder posted on Grouchly Bespoke's Wall**

By any chance did you and Tanith sleep on a bed of croissants when the rest of us were out shopping?

**11: 10 am Grouchly Bespoke: **What?

**11: 10 am Antceratops Shudder: **Never mind.

**11: 12 am Tanith Low: **Fletcher's joining us in ten minutes so Ghastly and I'll wait for him here while the the rest of you dump your shopping bags and stuff on the seats and get your skates on

**11: 12 am Grouchly Bespoke: **I have to wait for him?

**11: 13 am Tanith Low: **Fine, go play with the others :L

**11: 13 am Grouchly Bespoke: **WHOOOO ICE SKATING!

**11: 15 am Leo DiCaprio: **You know, I'm not sure about this. I have a deep mistrust of ice ever since it killed me when I fell off a boat.

**11: 16 am Reia Kellyn: **Just relax and Amara and I'll look after you ;)

**11: 16 am Amara Calla: **Just give us your arms so we can hold onto you and make sure you don't fall.

**11: 18 am Leo DiCaprio: **Thanks, guys :)

**11: 18 am Reia Kellyn: ***Chuckles evilly as feels up Leo's arm*

**11: 20 am Antceratops Shudder: **You two truly make me proud...I've taught you both well :')

**11: 21 am Amara Calla: **I feel violated.

* * *

**11: 27 am Fletcher Renn **I can't believe you all went to Paris without me!

**11: 29 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, it was through no fault of ours that we had to hole up inside the Midnight Hotel. Maybe the girls were to blame for insisting we repeat the Gleekend, but still.

**11: 31 am Fletcher Renn: **That's great, but check out Erskine on the ice! He's got moves!

**11: 33 am Erskine Ravel: **Please don't hit on me.

**11: 34 am Antceratops Shudder: **Gay diggy gay diggy gay gay gay.

**11: 34 am Fletcher Renn: **I'M NOT GAY!

**11: 35 am Leo DiCaprio: **You're not fooling anyone.

**11: 36 am Fletcher Renn: **I LIKE GIRLS! AND DATING GIRLS! AND SEX WITH GIRLS!

**11: 36 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Thou doth protest too much, Fletcher.

**11: 39 am Fletcher Renn: **Thanks guys, you just made me trip up because I'm trying to type angrily and skate at the same time

**11: 39 am Erskine Ravel: **What can I say, you don't have the mad typing skillz we do.

**11: 40 am Fletcher Renn: **No really it hurts my leg is bruised :(

**11: 41 am Antceratops Shudder: **You should ease your pain by getting with Erskine ;)

**11: 42 am Erskine Ravel: **Never in a billion years. *Hides behind Tariana*

**12: 43 am Tariana Ravelicious Grace: ***Rolls eyes* You know, we had a pretty brilliant time today.

**12: 43 am Leo DiCaprio: **I know :} Woke up in Paris, went Christmas shopping, made a French snowman, ice skating beside the Eiffel Tower...

**12: 44 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yeah, I know what you mean. It's nice :)

**12: 47 pm Fletcher Renn: **Hey guys, I just spotted Ghanith making out on the other side of the rink, want to go disrupt them before I Teleport Anton back to the Hotel? ;D

**11: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **Shit yes!

**11: 48 pm Dexter Vex: **Hell yeeeaaah

**11: 48 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Damn right!

**11: 48 pm Amara Calla: ***Starts playing doomsday music as we skate towards them*

**11: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **This shall be amusing...:3

**11: 48 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Let's push them off their feet!

**11: 48 Fletcher Renn: **Crap wait for me I've fallen over

**11: 48 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Let's throw Fletcher at them!

**11: 48 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Let's slam them onto the ice to let them see how it feels to freeze to death!

**11: 48 pm Reia Kellyn: **And then we can all pile on top of them! ;)

**11: 48 pm Dexter Vex: **WE RIDE WITH THE POWER OF A THOUSAND MIGHTY COCKBLOCKS

* * *

**11: 52 pm Grouchly Bespoke **I WILL MURDER THE LOT OF YOU!

**11: 52 pm Erskine Ravel: **Team Cockblock high five!

**11: 53 pm Tanith Low: **Did you really have to throw Fletcher into us? :/

**11: 53 pm Fletcher Renn: **Really, did you? -.-

**11: 53 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **And then jump on top of us like the attacking Welsh rugby team?

**11: 54 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **No. But it looked pretty damn funny.

**11: 55 pm Fletcher Renn: **Will one of you tell that French guy to stop poking me with his baguette to check if I'm alive?

**11: 56 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Awww, and Fletcher's found a boyfriend!

**11: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **Truly, this is the ciy of love.

**1: 15 am Dexter Vex: **Ah Paris, au revoir :)

**1: 17 am Reia Kellyn: **Sorry Dex, but your French still doesn't work.

**1: 19 am Dexter Vex: ***le sad sigh*


	20. Six Gingerbreads A Rocking

_**Still Gelly ;)**_

**5: 36 pm Fletcher Renn **Gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread rock (8)

**5: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **OK, that's it. He's officially snapped.

**5: 41 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **For once he hasn't xD We're actually making Christmas gingerbread in Tanith's kitchen. Well, Tanith, Fletcher and Amara are.

**5: 42 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Tariana, Evangeline, Reia and I are watching them make it. But we often offer encouraging words.

**5: 43 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **So nice.

**5: 45 pm Tanith Low: **If you want to come over later Ghastly, you can taste my gingerbread :)

**5: 47 pm Dexter Vex: **Get in there, Ghastly! You taste her gingerbread!

**5: 47 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Ghastly will taste your gingerbread if you try out his buns...

**5: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ghastly's buns, his buns, his buns his buns his buns...check 'em out

**5: 49 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Maybe he should try Tanith's cupcakes instead..you know, ice them up then lick it all off ;)

**5: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: **Have you tasted Tanith's gingerbread before? Does it taste nice? ;D

**5: 51 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I will kill you all.

* * *

**6: 09 pm Fletcher Renn **Girls, quit putting gingerbread in my hair -.-

**6: 11 pm Amara Calla: **Nah. It's too much fun.

**6: 13 pm Reia Kellyn: **It's snowing, Fletcher! Snowing gingerbread!

**6: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: **It looks like he has ginger dandruff xD

**6: 17 pm Dexter Vex: **AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

**6: 23 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant, Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Shudder and Grouchly Bespoke**

**Subject: **Ginger dandruff LMAOOOO

Guys, stop whatever you're doing, I just found out that it looks like Fletcher has ginger dandruff xD

**6: 25 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Christmas has quite literally come early.

**6: 26 pm Erskine Ravel: **I knew abusing all these hair-related products would come back to haunt him

**6: 29 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'm sorry...I can't see this message...through my tears of laughter...

**6: 29 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Tears of joy, more like. You've been trying to infect him with numerous afflictions since the day you met.

**6: 32 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Pictures! Or we don't believe you!

* * *

**6: 35 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Reia Kellyn**

Hey...mind posting some pictures of Fletcher's problem? ;)

**6: 37 pm PM message: Reia Kellyn to Dexter Vex**

I will enjoy this far too much.

* * *

**6: 38 pm Reia Kellyn has created the p****hoto album Cooking at Tanith's 19/12/11**

**6: 42 pm Reia Kellyn has added 18 photos to her photo album Cooking at Tanith's 19/12/11**

**6: 43 pm Reia Kellyn has tagged Evangeline Evergreen, Fletcher Renn, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Valkyrie Cain and Tariana Ravelicious Grace in her photo album Cooking at Tanith's 19/12/11**

**6: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I am intrigued by the name of this album. 'Cooking at Tanith's'? Sounds like an innuendo. Are all my girl-on-girl-orgy fantasies coming true?

**6: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **Never mind that, you can clearly see Fletcher's ginger dandruff in picture 4!

**6: 50 pm Finbar Wrong: **Whut? Whut the hell is that? Unlucky, man.

**6: 52 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **OH DEAR LORD PICTURE TWELVE

**6: 55 pm Solomown Wreath: **Couldn't you have found a cure for Renn's problem in Paris yesterday? The French could have put him under quarantine.

**6: 57 pm Dexter Vex: **They would have put him under quarantine anyway. I think his hair terrified them.

**6: 58 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **Maybe he's got a reaction to overuse of hair gel, you could burn all his hair gel bottles to see if that helps

**6: 58 pm Fletcher Renn: **TRY IT AND SEE JUST HOW MUCH OF A BITCH FIT I CAN PULL.

**6: 59 pm China Sorrows: **What problem does he have? I've never seen anything like it before.

**7: 03 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **They're calling it 'Gingerus Dandruffus'.

* * *

**8: 34 pm Fletcher Renn **Thanks guys. I've been getting messages all evening from people feeling sorry about my ginger dandruff problem

**Skulduggery Pleasant likes this**

**8: 36 pm Erskine Ravel: **I would take your feelings into account, but I can't see the phrase 'ginger dandruff' without bursting into laughter

**8: 39 pm Fletcher Renn: **OK, I'll just go eat my own body weight in Advent chocolate now.

* * *

**8: 46 pm Tanith Low posted on Grouchly Bespoke's Wall**

Want to come over? We can cook together :)

**8: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ghanith are going to cook...shit be srs.

**8: 49 pm Erskine Ravel: **Have you cooked together before, Ghastly? Was she any good at cooking? ;)

**8: 51 pm Dexter Vex: **You better not cook together too much or you might end up putting your bun in her oven.

**8: 57 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **All of you shall rot in the deepest, most loafer-less pit of hell some day.

**8: 58 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **And aren't the girls still over?

**9: 00 pm Tanith Low: **They just left :}

**9: 01 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I'll be over in ten minutes.

**9: 03 pm Tanith Low: **Oh, and guys? Ghastly is definitely going to taste my gingerbread tonight ;)

**9: 06 pm Erskine Ravel: **Gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread rock...

**Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex and twelve others like this**

* * *

**11: 17 pm Antceratops Shudder has created the page Support for the Sufferers of Gingerus Dandruffus**

**Finbar Wrong, Evangeline Evergreen, Skulduggery Pleasant and six hundred and nineteen others like the page Support for the Sufferers of Gingerus Dandruffus**

**11: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **I shall never live this down :(


	21. Seven Candles A Burning

_**The alternate title for this chapter is Night of the Jelly Sandwich...you have been warned.**_

**6: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain **This is supposed to be a Christmas movie night but I don't see what any of these films have to do with Christmas :L

**6: 18 pm Antceratops Shudder: **We just finished watching Hot Fuzz, and it has a fat guy in it. There's a fat guy at Christmas also. His name is Santa.

**6: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain: **And I suppose that now we're watching The Hangover the fact that there's an overweight person in this too means it's Christmas related.

**6: 20 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Obviously not :/ There's a baby in this film and there was a baby that started Christmas off, Valkyrie. HIS NAME IS BABY JESUS.

* * *

**6: 26 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Tanith Low**

Can you make me a jelly sandwich? I hurt my hand practicing for a stunt in my new film :(

**6: 28 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Leo DiCaprio**

So it wasn't you having that arm-wrestling competition with Dex earlier, or...

**6: 28 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Tanith Low**

You know what, it actually feels a lot better now.

* * *

**6: 43 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Tanith Low**

Do me a favour and fetch me a bag of Doritos? I don't want to miss this part of the film

**6: 47 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Antceratops Shudder**

We're watching The Hangover. You have LIVED this film. There's no way in hell I'm getting you these Doritos.

* * *

**6: 59 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Tanith Low**

Hey Tanith...can you make me something from the kitchen? Tariana shoved me through the couch when I asked her

**7: 03 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel**

Get it yourself, you lazy arse

**7: 06 pm PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

Hey, can you maybe make me a grilled cheese? :)

**7: 07 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Grouchly Bespoke**

Sure :) xx

**7: 18 pm PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

An can you get me a KitKat chunky from the corner store?

**7: 20 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Grouchly Bespoke**

Don't push your luck.

**7: 34 pm PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

Best grilled cheese sandwich ever. :)

**7: 35 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Grouchly Bespoke**

I love you too :} xx

* * *

**7: 38 pm Erskine Ravel posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

Hey! Hey, Anton. Isn't it funny how they have a pet tiger in their hotel in this movie and you have a pet sloth in your hotel in real life? Remember your sloth? REMEMBER WHAT IT DID TO ME?

**7: 42 pm Antceratops Shudder: **FREDDIE IS SORRY.

**7: 43 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **I still don't know what happened with Erskine and the sloth...

**7: 46 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **None of us know either. Anton and Erskine always have these Christmas Eve dinners at each other's and last year it was at Anton's. Freddie did something to Erskine but he's never told us what.

**7: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **You wouldn't love me anymore if you knew.

**7: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **We're having the Christmas Eve dinner at your place this year. Relax, bro. Nothing will happen.

**7: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: **I still have dreams about it, Anton. DREAMS.

**7: 53 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I can stay over if you want...

**7: 55 pm China Sorrows: **You both act quite sexually ambiguous, don't you?

**7: 57 pm Antceratops Shudder: **GTFO China, the bromance of Shavel is strong and true!

**7: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, you're just adding fuel to the metaphorical fire.

**8: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Legends shall be written about our friendship! Wandering minstrels shall sing about it in taverns! Bards shall use it as inspiration as they sit telling stories around campfires!

**8: 01 pm Erskine Ravel: **This is embarassing.

**8: 03 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I have no part in this and even I can feel the embarassment.

**8: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **Wait, I thought minstrels were a type of chocolate?

**8: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Wait, I feel a song coming on.

**8: 06 pm Erskine Ravel: **Dear God no

**8: 07 pm Antceratops Shudder: **'Condoms are red, Hotel furnishings are blue, I love you Erskine, cause you are my bro.' Fin.

**8: 09 pm China Sorrows: **Truly, you have the soul of a poet.

**8: 11 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well, my original song ended with 'and the taverns were filled with never-ending ale' so I thought that was over-dramatic. And I couldn't think of anything to rhyme with 'Anton, screwer of a thousand girls.'

**8: 12 pm Erskine Ravel: **I think I may throw up.

**8: 12 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Come on Erskine, you know you love me really ;)

**8: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: **Shut it.

**8: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'll leave you alone if you say it...

**8: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yeah, whatever. I love you too, man.

**8: 17 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Sorry to disturb this coming-out session and whoever is still watching the film, but can any of you smell smoke coming from downstairs?

**8: 17 pm Amara Calla: **Yeah, I do :L

**8: 18 pm Reia Kellyn: **Where's Leo? And Skulduggery?

**8: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **Not to alarm anybody, but I just came from the bathroom AND HE BLOODY KITCHEN IS ON FIRE

**8: 20 pm Valkyrie Cain: **We're going to have to go get Leo and Skul, won't we?

**8: 20 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Yep.

**8: 20 pm Fletcher Renn: **Awwhh fuck.

* * *

**8: 56 pm Grouchly Bespoke **My whole kitchen is ruined, but at least my baby is safe :)

**8: 57 pm Tanith Low: **Ghastly I'm fine, don't worry :)

**8: 57 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Tanith, he's talking about his shoe.

**8: 59 pm Tanith Low: **I should have known.

**9: 04 pm Valkyrie Cain: **But seriously, Skulduggery, Leo, what the hell happened?

**9: 06 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **It's kind of a long story.

**9: 14 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Well, I wanted a jelly sandwich - it's Christmas tradition in my house to eat jelly sandwiches at Christmas - but Tanith wouldn't make me one. So I asked Skulduggery to come help me in Ghastly's kitchen because I don't know where anything is, and we snuck out when you were all watching the movie. So we were in the kitchen and I said the picture on Ghastly's bread bin looked like Fletcher doing the Caterpillar. Then Skulduggery asked what the Caterpillar move looked like and I tried to show him but he said the picture looked like Fletcher doing the Caterpillar while singing opera. So we sung My Heart Will Go On while doing the Caterpillar on the floor but then Ghastly's neighbour looked in the window and gave us a really weird look and walked away really fast, so Skulduggery jumped up to tell him not to walk fast or he'd trip on the snow but he hit the fruit bowl and it fell over so I said I'd make the jelly sandwich when he cleared up the fruit. And then he stopped picking up the fruit and I said ''What?'' and he said ''YOU KNOW I HATE JELLY SANDWICHES'' and threw a kiwi at me. Normally I would have ducked the kiwi but today I tried out eyeliner for the first time because of a goth movie role so my vision was kind of impaired and the kiwi hit me in the face and I fell over and Skulduggery laughed as he made me clear up the fruit. But then he tripped on a lime and fell backwards and knocked over a Christmas candle and it set the wall on fire. And then the ceiling went on fire so Skulduggery said we should throw water at it so I filled up a bowl with water and threw it up at the ceiling but I didn't throw it hard enough and it fell back down and got me all wet. And then Skulduggery wanted to throw ME on the fire because he said my wet clothes would stop the flames and that's when Ghastly ran in with the fire extinguisher.

**9: 18 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh. My. God.

**9: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I know, I can't believe Ghastly didn't run in sooner.

**9: 21 pm Valkyrie Cain: **No, it was an 'Oh my God' as in 'Oh my God, I've never noticed how stupid you two were before.'

**9: 25 pm Dexter Vex: **So...did you get your jelly sandwich?

**9: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: **No :(

**9: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I'm all alone.

**9: 28 pm Leo DiCaprio: **With no jelly sandwich.

**9: 30 pm Leo DiCaprio: **And no Rose.

**9: 34 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I bet Rose would have made me a jelly sandwich.


	22. Eight Santas A Paedoing

_**I want to say a big thankyou to the lovely Evangeline who posted the earlier chapters for me :)**_

**11: 23 am Tanith Low **So it appears we still have to decide what we're doing on Christmas Day.

**11: 25 am Valkyrie Cain: **Like I said last time, I'm spending Christmas with my parents and Alice, but I can maybe catch half an hour with you :)

**11: 27 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Since my girlfriend is effectively abandoning me on the 25th, I am completely free.

**11: 28 am Grouchly Bespoke: **And we all know the state of my kitchen (yes, I'm looking at you **Skulduggery Pleasant **and **Leo DiCaprio**)so there isn't any chance I can cook dinner.

**11: 29 am Fletcher Renn: **And I really want to get out of my hotel on Christmas...there's this concierge at the front door that I think has a bit of a thing for me :/

**11: 31 am Tanith Low: **Well, how about you all come round to mine?

**11: 32 am Antceratops Shudder: **Yeah, I'll come. But I can only arrive after 12 because of the Hotel, so basically I won't be able to help cook the dinner.

**11: 33 am Tanith Low: **Nice try, but we're having Christmas Dinner at four. I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to peel potatoes.

**11: 33 am Antceratops Shudder: ***sigh*

**11: 35 am Amara Calla: **I think everyone else can make it, though.

**11: 36 am Tanith Low: **OK, that's twelve people. I think we can manage that.

**11: 38 am Antceratops Shudder: **Sure we can ;) Twelve people really isn't that much for an orgy.

**11: 39 am Tanith Low: **NO ORGIES, ANTON. OK? NO ORGIES.

**11: 42 am Antceratops Shudder: **Foiled yet again -.-

**11: 46 am China Sorrows: **You should know I do expect you to assist in setting up my own Christmas soiree.

**11: 47 am Dexter Vex: **And when did we discuss this?

**11: 50 am China Sorrows: **We didn't. I attended Low's Christmas party last year so it is only fair you return the favour.

**11: 52 am China Sorrows: **Though you're still not invited.

**11: 55 am Erskine Ravel: **We gathered that.

* * *

**12: 03 pm Skulduggery Pleasant posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall**

Why are you still on SkulBook? We have the interview with Salvent in twenty minutes.

**12: 05 pm Valkyrie Cain: **The new SkeleVille app is addicting. :L

**12: 08 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **What case are you working on now?

**12: 11 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **In the absense of any Advent chocolates being stolen, Fletcher has opted to set us on the case of the man that has been taking the Christmas lights from his hotel balcony.

**12: 13 pm Fletcher Renn: **It's not Daniel Salvent that's stealing my lights! It's Santa, I keep telling you -.-

**12: 15 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I honestly don't know if he plays it for laughs or if he's genuinely that stupid.

**12: 17 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Fletch, it's not Santa that's been stealing you. It's a kleptomaniac dwarf with a fondness for bright colours.

**12: 18 pm Fletcher Renn: **It's Santa.

**Fletcher Renn has logged off**

**12: 20 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I don't think our idea of dressing Leo up as Santa last Christmas and throwing him down the hotel chimney to tell Fletcher 'he had been a very good boy this year' was a smart one.

**12: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Bloody hilarious, though.

**12: 24 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **He looked like a middle aged gherkin :')

**12: 26 pm Leo DiCaprio: **...

**12: 26 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **And I mean that in the best possible way.

* * *

**12: 43 pm Fletcher Renn **has decided to forgive **Valkyrie Cain **and **Skulduggery Pleasant **for their harsh words, so I'm now re-listening to my Christmas playlist to get into the festive mood :)

**12: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **Any song is better than 'Gingerbread Rock' :L

**12: 50 pm Fletcher Renn: **Actually, I'm listening to another song, guess it...'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake'

**12: 52 pm Dexter Vex: **Sounds like Anton.

**12: 53 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Hey!

**12: 53 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Sounds like it was written FOR Anton.

**12: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: **Considering the amount he's gotten around this past century, I wouldn't be surprised.

**12: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **That song doesn't describe me at all! All it does is prove that Santa is a paedophile that watches you sleep!

**12: 56 pm Erskine Ravel: **Santa sounds suspiciously like Anton. Were you using an alias?

**12: 57 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well at least I don't have to work with Madam Mist :/

**12: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **What are you getting at?

**1: 00 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well, you know, she can be a clingy woman.

**1: 00 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Possesive.

**1: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Temperamental.

**1: 01 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And you're quite an attractive guy.

**1: 02 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Not that I find you attractive.

**1: 02 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Or unnatractive. I am just a happily straight guy that can appreciate chiselled features, being a man of chiselled features myself.

**1: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **What I am TRYING to say is that I suspect Madam Mist has a fondness for you.

**1: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **A crush.

**1: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **A secret passion.

**1: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **A burning, fiery love that consumes all she is with the power of a thousand flaming stars.

**1: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You are her sweet Raveo.

**1: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Will these starcrossed lovers ever find their happy end? ...Probably not, because she looks like a particularly craggy Himalaya.

**1: 07 pm Antceratops Shudder: **'Tis the season to BE HORNY, fa la la la, la la la la.

**1: 10 pm Erskine Ravel: **Are you quite done?

**1: 11 pm Antceratops Shudder: **MISTSKINE: A Doomed Love, coming soon to a cinema near you.

**1: 13 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OK, now I'm done.

**1: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: **It's times like this when I'm almost convinced you hate me -.-

**1: 18 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I could never hate you, Erskine ;) I love you like I love the Hotel! I love you like I love pie!

**1: 20 pm Erskine Ravel: **You hate pie.

**1: 22 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I've learnt to let it back into my heart.

**1: 25 pm Erskine Ravel: **...

**3: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **About three things I was absolutely postitve. One, Mist was a spider. Two, there was a part of her - and I didn't know how dominant that part may be - that thirsted for my anti-aging cream. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her.

**3: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **AARRRGGHHHHH


	23. Nine Presents Jetskiing

_**This chapter has less to do with Christmas than the others, but it has the joys of Leo on a jetski, inspired by an epic tumblr photo :)**_

_**A warning - Dexter and Ravel (and most of the other guys) pretend to be gay in this chapter. It gets pretty intense.**_

**12: 42 pm Leo DiCaprio **Does anyone know where I can get a disco ball? Don't judge me.

**12: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I think I have a few left over from the 'nudist beach' party I threw last month. What do you need one for?

**12: 50 pm Leo DiCaprio: **As a Christmas present to myself, I'm writing this totally awesome sequel to Titanic where I get away on a jetski

**12: 52 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **I thought you were already filming a sequel to Titanic?

**12: 53 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Yeah, but my sequel is way better. There's this scene where the Second Mate and I sneak into the ship's secret club and we go cruisin' for girls (ahaha I'm punny. Get it? ). That's why I need a discoball, to set up the scene and show James Cameron how comitted I am to getting my version filmed

**12: 54 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **OK...

**12: 57 pm Leo DiCaprio: **And since it's part musical, Rose and I do a duet of Broken Strings

**1: 00 pm Tanith Low: **If you give me a part in the movie you don't have to get me anything for Christmas. And preferably it's a part where I get to kiss Brad Pitt.

**1: 02 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I want to play a skeleton.

**1: 02 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Well it's not a horror movie, so...

**1: 04 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I can be the skeleton of a man who fell overboard! Maybe he could be eaten away by pirhanas.

**1: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I want to be a lifeboat, so all these hot rich girls can ride in me ;D Oh yeah!

**1: 08 pm Leo DiCaprio: **None of you are being in the film! You can be drowned bodies if you want though :3

**1: 10 pm Tanith Low: **Good enough!

**1: 12 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I am going to ROCK the sexy dead look.

**1: 15 pm China Sorrows: **I am increasingly disturbed by your conversations.

* * *

**1: 17 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

You know how we got those swimming shorts for Leo for Christmas? I think we have to scrap them

**1: 22 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

But they were the perfect present for him!

**1: 23 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I know, but it turns out he's not getting dunked in the Atlantic after all, he's rewriting the script -.-

**1: 25 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder**

So what are we going to get him? There's only three days to go :L

**1: 25 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Have you any idea about the prices of jetskis...?

* * *

**1: 33 pm Dexter Vex **is pretty glad it's **Grouchly Bespoke **and **Erskine Ravel**'s last day at Sanctuary

**1: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **Officially it's my last day. I'll still be innundated with calls from these hapless mages. And we still have China's party to help set up tomorrow...

**China Sorrows likes this**

**1: 39 pm Antceratops Shudder: **So Dexter, you're glad Ghastly and Erskine are free?...Could it be that I'm not the only one with a penchant for threesomes? ;)

**1: 39 pm Dexter Vex: **Facepalm

**1: 40 pm Erskine Ravel: **Facedesk

**1: 40 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Faceloafer

**1: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: **Did you honestly bring your spare pair into work?

**1: 46 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **No, of course not ;)

**1: 48 pm Dexter Vex: **I'd just like to clarify that a threesome will not happen. Even though Erskine is a very attractive man ;D

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**1: 54 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Are you completely sure you're straight?

**1: 56 pm Dexter Vex: **Oh, I'm definitely gay. Erskine and I make out intensely whenever possible.

**1: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **Dexter...

**1: 58 pm Dexter Vex: **Yes, lover?

**1: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **It was supposed to be a secret.

**2: 01 pm Dexter Vex: **Sorry babe.

**2: 01 pm Erskine Ravel: ***Gets it on with Dexter*

**2: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Four for you, Dexskine

**2: 05 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Are you speaking Klingon?

**2: 07 pm Antceratops Shudder: **No, DEXter and erSKINE

**2: 10 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Hot.

**2: 11 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I'd ship it

**2: 11 pm Dexter Vex: **BrOTP becomes OTP

**2: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **All I want for Christmas is youuuuu (8)

**2: 14 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Shut up, all of you! You're STRAIGHT!

**2: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: ***Vomits rainbows and kittens*

**2: 18 pm Dexter Vex: ***Gay love explosions go off in distance*

**2: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **That is taking it too far. There is straight men present.

**2: 22 pm Erskine Ravel: **There is? :P

**2: 25 pm Dexter Vex: **He's not just a pretty face, he's funny too ;) *Kisses*

**2: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Make out in your SPARE time.

**2: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **We plan to.

**2: 34 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I've just been reading all this and I'm confused...

**2: 38 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Dexter just came out of his mainly designer closet.

**2: 39 pm Dexter Vex: **You offend me. It's EXCLUSIVELY designer.

* * *

**2: 41 pm Erskine Ravel **just relocated to the gayberhood

**Dexter Vex likes this**

**2: 43 pm Leo DiCaprio: **It's nothing we don't already know ;)

**2: 44 pm Erskine Ravel: **How come?

**2: 44 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Well, it's always been obvious that you're gay for Anton

**2: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I knew it would come out sooner or later! Pun intended.

**2: 47 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And I'm so gay for you too, Erskine ;) Shavel for the mother freaking win.

**2: 50 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Heterosexuality in the Skul Crew: At least we tried.

**2: 53 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **And we have better shoes.

**2: 57 pm Antceratops Shudder: **We should have an orgy. It shall be called the Skorgy. Because while I ship Me/Everyone, a Skul Crew orgy is truly the best Christmas present anyone could get.

**2: 58 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Skulduggery still hasn't joined us :(

**2: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder: **SKUL YOU ARE A HOMPOHOBE

**3: 03 pm Skukduggery Pleasant: **I cannot believe we're friends. Erskine, Dexter, you are not homosexual.

**3: 05 pm Dexter Vex: **You just can't handle us being public!

* * *

**3: 39 pm Fletcher Renn **So I get back from doing my Christmas shopping and suddenly **Dexter Vex**and **Erskine Ravel** are gay? OK...

**3: 42 pm Dexter Vex: **Hush, gingerus dandruffus

**3: 40 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Don't forget us! Ghastly, Anton and I are gay too!

**3: 43 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **No, I think we're just bi.

**3: 47 pm Tanith Low** Ghastlyis bi. I should have seen it coming when he bought out the entire stock of Jimmy Choo in Dublin :/

**3: 49 pm Tariana Ravelious Grace: **I should have known about Erskine ever since he started talking about Leo's 'amazing complexion'. :L

**Tanith Low and Leo DiCaprio like this**

**3: 52 pm Dexter Vex: **I think everyone is just Ravelsexual.

**3: 54 pm Amara Calla: **Ravelsexual?

**3: 55 pm Dexter Vex: **If Erskine Ravel comes onto you, your gender is invalid...your sexuality is invalid...your EVERYTHING is invalid.

**3: 57 pm Dexter Vex: **Basically he is a hot piece of ass.

**3: 58 pm Tanith Low: **Dexskine - Of course it is happening in your head, SkulBook, but why on earth should that mean it's not real?

**Evangeline Evergreen, Veevee Scapegreace, Clarabelle Beam and eight others like this**

**4: 02 pm Erskine Ravel: **But really, I have to go finish up at work now, so I better log off. Dexter, I enjoyed my few hours of being gay with you.

**4: 03 pm Dexter Vex: **Likewise ;) But seriously, I think you should take Tariana out on a few dates soon, because after these Dexter/Erskine and Anton/Erskine filled days I think people will be getting suspcious of you...

**4: 05 pm Erskine Ravel: **Meh, they've been suspicious for years.

**Erskine Ravel has logged off**

* * *

**4: 48 pm Dexter Vex posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

Just to let you know Skulduggery, if you ever want to come out like the rest of us, it's fine.

**4: 49 pm Dexter Vex: **What I'm trying to say is, it's OK to be gay. This time of year is all about love and acceptance.

**4: 56 pm Dexter Vex: **Have the courage to be who you are.

**5: 05 pm Dexter Vex: **Courage, Skulduggery.

**5: 09 pm Dexter Vex: **Have courage!

**4: 16 pm Dexter Vex: **YOU NEED COURAGE

**4: 25 pm Dexter Vex: **COUUURAGEE

**4: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Thanks, Dexter. I get it.

**4: 31 pm Dexter Vex: **Courage.


	24. Ten Tinsels A Decorating

**6: 34 pm Fletcher Renn **Red tinsel or green tinsel?

**6: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Red tinsel. Then I suggest attaching it to the ceiling, trying it around your head, climbing onto a chair and then jumping off. Just a tip.

**6: 40 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery! Don't say that, you know what happened when you told him to tie weights to his feet in the swimming pool.

**6: 41 pm Erskine Ravel: **I don't remember that :L

**6: 43 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You wouldn't. It was the day Anton took his shirt off before jumping in the pool and then you got trampled by all these girls running to look at him.

**6: 44 pm Antceratops Shudder: **^.^

**6: 47 pm Leo DiCaprio: **So what are you getting the tinsel for?

**6: 48 pm Fletcher Renn: **China sent me out to get more tinsel for her dining room :3

**6: 50 pm Dexter Vex: **That's all she's making you do? I have to dust each individual candelebra in her apartment. And I suspect China has a fetish for candles.

**6: 52 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'm polishing the statue of Venus in the atrium ;D Hell yeaaa

**6: 54 pm Tanith Low: **Apart from Anton, we've all been working for hours setting up China's flat for this party. Why don't we just tell her we need a rest?

**6: 56 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **We only have another hour to go, then we can get home :)

**6: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **Hey Anton, I've found a naked Venus statue outside the stairwell! Come take a look ;)

**6: 57 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I would like to thank not only God, but also Jesus.

* * *

**7: 03 pm Fletcher Renn **has got the tinsel and is making his way back to **The Library of China Sorrows**. Can't believe it's the 23rd...Christmas Eve's Eve people! :D

**7: 06 pm Dexter Vex: **Please, you only know the date because it tells you on the doors of your advent calendar.

**7: 08 pm Fletcher Renn: **Then I guess I won't tell you which candelebra I stuck chewing gum on last week.

**7: 09 pm Dexter Vex: **...Touche.

**7: 11 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **You think if I talked to China she might let us go earlier?

**7: 11 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **But on the other hand if I annoy her I might not get the loafers I've been hinting about wanting for the past three months

**7: 13 pm Dexter Vex: **If you talk to her about getting us out of here, I'll buy you the loafers myself.

**7: 15 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **:DD

* * *

**7: 19 pm Amara Calla **Look at the way **Grouchly Bespoke **approaches **China Sorrows**. He is magnificent.

**7: 21 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **His high-waisted trousers make me wish that one day, I too will be able to carry off that look.

**7: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **The manly click of his boots inspires me in ways I can't even begin to describe.

**7: 22 pm Antceratops Shudder: **The way the light reflects off his scalp gives me hope.

**7: 27 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Unfortunately I'm no longer getting these loafers off China :(

**7: 29 pm Dexter Vex: **That's me bankrupt for the next month then -.-

**7: 30 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Sorry Tanith, but we can't leave :L

**7: 34 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Tanith?

**7: 36 pm Tanith Low: **Sorry, my phone went out of internet range

**7: 38 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **It's fine :) But I did get a very interesting bit of news...

**7: 40 pm Erskine Ravel: **Do tell.

**7: 41 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Apparently China is letting FLETCHER come to the party tomorrow because he bought tinsel that matched her dress!

**7: 43 pm Fletcher Renn: **It was silver :)

**7: 45 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Queen Fletcher gets into a party and the Antceratops doesn't? What sort of black magic is this?

**7: 48 pm Fletcher Renn: **I knew the tuxedo I got for the New Year's Ball last year would be good for something else! (Other than for Anton's James-Bond themed murder mystery parties)

**7: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: **The only thing I'M doing tomorrow is the Christmas Eve Dinner with Anton. And I still have bad memories about the Dinner after what happened last year with that demon Freddie!

**7: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: **He's not a demon, he's a sloth.

**7: 54 pm Tanith Low: **OK, I've finished my work so I'm leaving before the sloth war starts again. Ghastly, can you give me a lift to my flat? I didn't want to take my motorbike out because of the ice :3

**7: 56 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Of course :)

* * *

**8: 02 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Evangeline Evergreen, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Leo DiCaprio**

Do you think I could take Fletcher's place at the party if I told him there was naked pictures of China in a cupboard then lock him in there when he goes to look?

**8: 04 pm PM message: Tariana Ravelicious Grace to Antceratops Shudder, Evangeline Evergreen, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant and Leo DiCaprio**

No way. He'd know you would have taken these photos for yourself if you found them.

**8: 04 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Evangeline Evergreen, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tariana Ravelicious Grace and Leo DiCaprio**

-.-

* * *

**8: 51 pm Fletcher Renn is attending China Sorrows' Christmas Eve Dance, on the 23rd of December 2011 at seven thirty pm**

**8: 56 pm Fletcher Renn **I've been trying on some different outfits for China's party tomorrow night, I'll upload the pictures so you can all tell me what you think :)

**9: 00 pm Fletcher Renn has added 15 pictures to his photo album Hot or Not?**

**9: 05 pm Tanith Low: **Hot, hot, not, hot, hot, hot, HOT, hot, NOT, hot, you don't human in that one, HOT, not, not, hot

**9: 07 pm Solomown Wreath: **Hot, not, not, hot, not, hot, hot, hot, not, not, dear Lord, hot, hot, hot, not

**9: 13 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Hot, not, not, meh, hot, not, HOT, not, not, hot, I think I'm going to throw up, hot, meh, meh, hot

**9: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Picture 11 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**9: 17 pm Fletcher Renn: **I was trying out a new look in picture 11, OK?

**9: 18 pm Solomown Wreath: **What, serial-killer transvestite that happens to be best friends with Lady Gaga and a tub of festive glitter?

**9: 20 pm Fletcher Renn: **Maybe the glitter was a mistake.

* * *

**9: 31 pm Antceratops Shudder made the page Naked Venus Statue in China's Stairwell**

**Erskine Ravel, Solomown Wreath, Thurid Guild and three hundred and seventy four others like this**

* * *

**9: 57 pm China Sorrows **Why is there suddenly an influx of male mages entering my library?

**9: 59 pm Antceratops Shudder: **They must have heard about your Shakespere collection.


	25. Eleven Slothvels Slothing

_**Oh my God. It's Christmas Eve. I am literally too excited too type.**_

**7: 03 pm Antceratops Shudder has added 34 pictures to his photo album Too Sexy For My Shirt**

**Thurid Guild and Luster Violet like this**

**7: 05 pm Tanith Low: **Why are you topless in all of them?

**7: 06 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Because I'm. Too. Sexy. For. My. Shirt. ;D

**7: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: **Not as sexy as I look in this tuxedo for China's party! :D

**7: 12 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, I'm deeply worried as to why you're taking your shirt off half an hour before you're meant to be at mine for Christmas Eve Dinner :/

**7: 13 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Fletcher, I'll gist you. Erskine, this photo album is my way of giving to the less fortunate at the time of year when everyone needs some love.

**7: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And what better present could they get than pictures of me?

**7: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: **The 'less fortunate'?

**7: 15 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I just feel sorry for those that don't have my body.

**7: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **It must say something about me that I'm best friends with you.

* * *

**7: 23 pm Fletcher Renn **is walking through the streets of Dublin dressed in a tinsel-edged tuxedo and has gotten not one strange look. I love this season :)

**7: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **We've known that since you started singing 'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas' midway through October.

**7: 27 pm Fletcher Renn: **Can't talk now, just entering China's party

**Fletcher Renn is offline**

**7: 30 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Remind me again why we hang around with him?

**7: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Because he gives you a piggybacks every time you announce your bones have contracted arthiritis and you can't possibly walk.

**7: 33 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Ah, yes :}

* * *

**7: 38 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

**Subject: **Close encounters of the sloth kind

When I left the Hotel to catch a taxi to Erskine's Freddie crawled into my bag and he won't get out...do you think Erskine'll mind?

**7: 41 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio**

Do you think he'll mind if you drop a bomb onto his house?

**7: 42 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Can we please just take a moment to apreciate Anton's 'bag'?

**7: 44 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

IT'S A MAN BAG, OK? It's in style! I could use some help here, Ghastly...

**7: 46 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio**

No point talking to Ghastly or Leo, they're both engrossed in a high-stakes Call of Duty game

**7: 47 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Who cares about Ghastly and Leo's gay love, I'm worried about whether or not Erskine's going to slice my head off!

**7: 49 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio**

Oh, he won't slice your head off.

**7: 49 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant **

He'll probably punch your nose in, then he'll slice your head off and fry it along with the turkey. You know how much he hates Freddie, for reasons still unexplained.

**7: 50 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Then I'll just tell him that Freddie has to come along and he'll appreciate my honesty, right? Right?

**7: 51 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant **

Shush a minute, I'm trying to work out what your tombstone's going to say.

**7: 53 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio**

Still, if one of his many ex-girlfriends kills him I want it to read 'Here Lies Anton, Killed by Greed and Libido.'

**7: 54 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant **

Yeah, that's probably more likely

**7: 55 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

This is not a time to go over my long and colourful dating history!

**7: 55 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Shudder, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant **

OK, fine. I'm sure Erskine will be good with Freddie coming to Christmas Eve Dinner if the sloth behaves himself.

**7: 56 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Grouchly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Freddie will be a veritable angel.

* * *

**8: 13 pm Erskine Ravel posted on Antceratops Shudder's Wall**

HE DID IT AGAIN AFTER I LET HIM INTO MY HOUSE, I SWEAR ANTON IF YOU DON'T MOVE OUT THE WAY I WILL DESTROY BOTH OF YOU WITH ACTIVE PREJUDICE

**8: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You'll only make yourself angrier if you type it out all out instead of yelling!

**8: 16 pm Erskine Ravel: **LET ME AT HIM HIS DEATH WILL BE SHORT

**8: 16 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Freddie didn't mean to do it! He's sorry! I'm sorry!

**8: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **OOOOOOOH THE THINGS I WANT TO SAY

**8: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **I'LL TURN HIS FUR INTO A COAT AND THEN BURN IT AND I SHALL LAUGH, ANTON. I SHALL LAUGH.

**8: 19 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **So Freddie did whatever it was he did last year again?

**8: 21 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I'm sure Erskine would answer you, but he just screamed a high C and I think it damaged his throat, he's choking and staggering around

**8: 22 pm Antceratops Shudder: **No wait, he's trying to get the knife drawer open

**8: 23 pm Erskine Ravel: **I'LL BLOODY STAB HIM!

**8: 25 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Erskine, calm down. What happened?

**8: 27 pm Erskine Ravel: **The sloth - he jumped up - and my leg - OH GOD, MY LEG

**8: 28 pm Antceratops Shudder: **It's a bit of a deja vu moment, to be honest.

**8: 28 pm Erskine Ravel: **THE DAMN SLOTH SHAGGED MY LEG, OK

**8: 29 pm Finbar Wrong: **WHUT?

**8: 32 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Oh...my...God.

**8: 33 pm Amara Calla: **Well we all know where he gets it from...*cough* totally not Anton *cough*

**8: 36 pm Dexter Vex: **AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HE RAPED YOUR LEG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA someone please stop me

**8: 34 pm Leo DiCaprio: **That's it. I'm pausing Black Ops. This is too good to miss.

**8: 34 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Looks like Trudder babies are going to be getting a run for their money with Slothvel ;)

**8: 35 pm Thurid Guild: **I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER HOW HARD I'M LAUGHING

**8: 35 pm Dexter Vex: **Give me two minutes and I can finish editing this photo I have of Erskine with his arm around Tariana, but I've put Freddie's face over Tariana's and captioned it 'SLOTHVEL'

**8: 36 pm Reia Kellyn: **What is this Mistskine, Dexskine, Shavel, you speak of? SLOTHVEL FTW

**8: 37 pm Erskine Ravel: **SHUT UP!

**8: 37 pm Dexter Vex: **Come on Erskine, remember that everyone is Ravelsexual, human or not, don't discriminate

**8: 38 pm Tanith Low: **SLOTHVEL OTP FOR LIFE THE WAY ERSKINE LOOKS AT SLOTH OMG

**8: 39 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Sloth/Ravel is life and everyone else who doesn't believe is wrong

**8: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain: **They have such chemistry I can't even begin to describe them

**8: 40 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Hey Erskine, you never told me you and Freddie were hanging around together! Get it? GET IT?

**8: 40 pm Erskine Ravel: **I would just like to clarify that the sloth attacked ME. I could sue. That is statutory rape. It is borderline sexual HARASSMENT.

**8: 41 pm Antceratops Shudder: **It isn't harassment if you liked it ;)

**8: 42 pm Erskine Ravel: **Be quiet. I still haven't forgiven you.

**8: 43 pm Amara Calla: **You can claim you are nothing like Anton and his womanizing ways but you sure do get around, don't you, Erskine? ;D

**8: 44 pm Erskine Ravel: **Tariana, please come over. I need one person that doesn't accuse me of innapropriate relationships with animals :L

**8: 44 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Sure. But I don't need to accuse when we all know it's true ;)

**Dexter Vex and Skulduggery Pleasant like this**

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace is offline**

**8: 45 pm Dexter Vex: **ERSKINE HOW COULD YOU DON'T YOU THINK OF FREDDIE'S FEELINGS HOW CAN YOU CHEAT ON HIM

**8: 45 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **It explains everything! Last Christmas Freddie gave him his heart but the very next day he gave it away...or something like that.

**8: 46 pm Tanith Low: **I've worked it out! After their brief tryst last Christmas Eve Erskine promised Freddie he would be with him always and then Freddie saw him kissing Tariana on Christmas Day at my party so he was heartbroken and avoided him for the whole year. And then this Christmas when he saw Erskine again he couldn't help it and just HAD TO HAVE ERSKINE RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN.

**8: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, get you and that THING out of my house so Tariana can come over. I am now going off SkulBook and I don't want this to be mentioned ever again.

**8: 54 pm Dexter Vex: **...You got SHAGGED by a SLOTH! XDDDD

**8: 53 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh God I'm actually crying with laughter

**Erskine Ravel is offline**

**8: 55 pm Antceratops Shudder: **So who here would totally go to see a Slothvel film?

* * *

**8: 56 pm Fletcher Renn **Just made out with China's naked Venus statue! Best. Christmas Eve. Ever.

**9: 01 pm Tanith Low: **Please, all we're talking about is Slothvel

**9: 03 pm Fletcher Renn: **What's that, a disease?

**9: 05 pm Dexter Vex: **That's got me thinking, can sloths get herpes? Just wondering.

**9: 08 pm Amara Calla: **If sloths can get herpes then I'm not sitting next to Erskine tomorrow.

**9: 09 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Jesus fuck he's my best friend but I don't want to contract any possible STIs he got off Freddie :/ I'll sit opposite him as long as we don't have to share cranberry sauce.

**9: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm not entirely sure if I can get diseases, but I think I'll sit at the opposite end of the dinner table, just in case.

**9: 09 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'll only be there tomorrow for an hour at most, so I'm safe.

**9: 10 pm Tanith Low: **I'm sitting at the head of the table so I can get food from the kitchen easily, so I can't sit beside him...

**9: 10 pm Reia Kellyn: **I'm soo not sitting next to Erskine either.

**9: 10 pm Dexter Vex: **Yeah, and I better protect my woman from the airborne germs, so neither can I.

**9: 11 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **I think I'll sit next to Tanith to help her get dishes from the kitchen.

**9: 11 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I can't afford to get germs, I have a photoshoot next week. I think it's better if I stay away

**9: 12 pm Fletcher Renn: **Wait...what?

**9: 14 pm Tanith Low: **Looks like you're sitting beside Erskine, Fletcher.

**9: 15 pm Antceratops Shudder: **It's fine. He's got Gingerus Dandruffus anyway, I don't think you can get any disease worse than that.

**9: 17 pm Erskine Ravel: **It was my leg, OK? It was my LEG!

**9: 19 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Denial gets you nowhere, Erskine :)

**9: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **And even I know that's not a river in Egypt.

**9: 20 pm Erskine Ravel: **The sloth and I are NOT fucking! And you can't treat me like a leper!

**9: 23 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I am seriously considering swapping the present I bought Erskine for a box of condoms.

**9: 25 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I think I speak for everyone when I say: Best. Christmas Eve. EVER.

* * *

**10: 16 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Happy two-hours-until-Christmas! And just wondering, what time are we supposed to be at your apartment tomorrow?

**10: 19 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Fletcher Renn**

Happy nearly Christmas too :) If you get to mine for about 12 then we can all open presents together

**10: 20 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Great, what's the dress code? Casual-formal? Formal? Casual?

**10: 25 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Fletcher Renn**

Uh, smart casual I guess, just wear something nice that's not too fancy. Why do you want to know?

**10: 26 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

When I got back to my hotel from China's party, you know that concierge I told you about, the one that's obsessed with me? Well, I think he was a bit drunk because he started kissing my hair and then he ripped off my tuxedo and kind of tore it

**10: 30 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Tanith? Taaaaaanith?

**10: 37 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Fletcher Renn**

Sorry. Ghastly's over and he's kind of distracting me

**10: 39 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Oh really? ;D Get in there, girl!

**10: 42 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Fletcher Renn**

I really appreciate your gay best friend efforts but I'm - ah -distracted right now

**10: 44 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

If you need anything, let me know!

**10: 44 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Snacks?

**10: 45 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

A condom?

**10: 45 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Tanith Low**

Oh God, love ya!

* * *

**10: 48 pm Fletcher Renn **'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring apart from Ghanith, who were having the dirtiest sex imaginable.


	26. Twelve Skul Crews Crewing

_**Merry Christmas! I hope you're all having an amazing time and that you enjoy this final chapter of 12 Days of SkulBook :)**_

_**P.S. Doctor Who in half an hour, I'm freaking out xD**_

* * *

**12: 13 pm Fletcher Renn **IT'S CHRISTMAS HELL YEAH! MERRY CHRISTMAS! WHOOOO!

**Leo DiCaprio likes this**

**12: 14 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Merry Christmas :) Are you at Tanith's yet?

**12: 15 pm Fletcher Renn: **Just about to leave.

**12: 17 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Have a great time! I'll see you both this evening :)

**12: 19 pm Tanith Low: **MERRY CHRISTMAS! Can't wait until you all come over!

**12: 21 pm Amara Calla: **Merry Christmas xD

**12: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Yeah, Merry Christmas, losers.

**12: 24 pm Dexter Vex: **Get a move on, we're all waiting for you to arrive so we can open presents

**12: 26 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Well I would, but Fletcher still hasn't arrived at the Hotel to Teleport me to Tanith's! :/

**12: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **It is because there is SOMEBODY IN MY HOTEL ROOM! I'm in my bedroom and I can hear someone moving outside the door

**12: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **I don't want to be killed on Christmas Day :(

**12: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: **Fletcher. JUST TELPORT OUT OF THERE.

**12: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **But what if they steal my stuff?! What is they take my hairgel?!

**12: 31 pm Antceratops Shudder: ***strokes beard in concentration*

**12: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **You don't have a beard, Anton.

**12: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I COULD have a beard. Maybe I just never showed it to you before...maybe my beard is shy.

**12: 33 pm Fletcher Renn: **Never mind Anton's beard, what am I supposed to do about the person in my hotel room?

**12: 34 pm Fletcher Renn: **Oh my God I just looked through the keyhole and it's that crazy concierge that's in love with me!

**12: 34 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Throw a shoe at him!

**12: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Hit him!

**12: 35 pm Tanith Low: **Knock him out, we can dress him up as an angel and stick him on top of the Christmas tree!

**12: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **No, wait...I can see him through my keyhole and he's going through my stuff. He's just like me!

**12: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **Except shorter.

**12: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **And gayer.

**12: 38 pm Fletcher Renn: **Oh shit

**12: 39 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **What?

**12: 41 pm Fletcher Renn: **I opened my door to talk to the concierge but he turned around at the same time and the door hit him in the face and knocked him over and now he's not moving.

**12: 41 pm Fletcher Renn: **I poked him with my toe but I don't think he's alive.

**12: 42 pm Tanith Low: **Oh, who cares. Tie his hands together with some tinsel and bring Anton over.

**12: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: **And don't bother bringing your 'Christmas Playlist', I've got my iPod with me so we can listen to music after dinner :3

**12: 43 pm Fletcher Renn: **And we can rock around the Christmas tree!

**12: 45 pm Antceratops Shudder: **And then there is partayyyyyin like only the Skul Crew know how

**12: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **...Yeah.

* * *

**12: 52 pm Erskine Ravel **Just went to meet **Antceratops Shudder **and **Fletcher Renn **on the stairs to **Tanith Low**'s apartment...and God. Anton looks HOT. Maybe it's the way he's done his hair.

**12: 56 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Wow the heterosexuality is killing me

**12: 58 pm Tanith Low: **So how hot will Anton be when we see him?

**12: 59 pm Erskine Ravel: **He will be so hot that we will all explode into a cornucopia of sexual frustration.

**1: 00 pm Dexter Vex: **If you think that's hot, wait until you see Skulduggery. He is in a Godamn SANTA HAT.

**1: 01 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Please kill me. Seriously. I have lost all remaining dignity I have.

**1: 03 pm Grouchly Bespoke has added three photos to his photo album Christmas Day '11**

**1: 05 pm Solomown Wreath: **Looking good, Skulduggery!

**Thrasher Scapegraceswoon, China Sorrows, Thurid Guild and six others like this**

**1: 07 pm Veevee Scapegrace: **WAIT. Who is that coming in the door in the back of the photo?

**1: 08 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **It's Anton...

**1: 10 pm Thrasher Scapegraceswoon: **He looks BEAUTIFUL :')

**1: 11 pm Dexter Vex: **You know, I never really saw what all these girls did in Anton, but I totally get it now.

**1: 13 pm Antceratops Shudder: **This is getting weird.

**1: 15 pm Tanith Low: **He said all he did was brush his hair a different way. But really, it gets better and better every time you look at it.

**1: 17 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Thank God, I thought I was the only one :L

**1: 19 pm Leo DiCaprio: **He looks like a freaking movie star! And I would know.

**1: 21 pm Antceratops Shudder: **It's awesome that you're finally realising how much you want to tap this, but I seriously want to get my hands on that present that looks like it could be a new pair of handcuffs for me, so can we start opening them?

**LINEBREAK**

**1: 29 pm Leo DiCaprio posted on Dexter Vex's Wall**

A pot of jelly! You shouldn't have :}

**1: 30 pm Dexter Vex: **Really, it's a present for both you and Ghastly.

**Grouchly Bespoke likes this**

* * *

**1: 32 pm Tanith Low **Thanks for the lingerie set, **Antceratops Shudder**. I...really appreciate it.

**1: 33 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **And the presents just keep on coming :)

**1: 35 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Wait...did you get all the girls matching lingerie?

**1: 37 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I thought you might want to wear them when you're having sleepovers together...you know, hitting each other with pillows, sleeping in the same bed, making out...

**1: 38 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **You're a pervert.

**1: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Thank you.

* * *

**2: 05 pm Tanith Low **Making Christmas Dinner in the kitchen, can anyone tell me where the sprouts are?

**2: 07 pm Fletcher Renn: **What the hell is a sprout? Is it the disease Freddie gave Erskine?

**2: 09 pm Erskine Ravel: **I DON'T HAVE A DISEASE!

**2: 10 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Erskine, calm down. And speaking of missing sprouts, has anyone seen the mulled wine?

**2: 12 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Moooooooolleed wiiiiiiiiiiiine? Nooooooooo.

**2: 13 pm Antceratops Shudder: ***giggles*

**2: 14 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: ***hiccups*

* * *

**2: 21 pm Amara Calla **This is going to end in diasaster..

**2: 23 pm Valkyrie Cain: **What's up?

**2: 24 pm Amara Calla: **Anton and your boyfriend found the mulled wine.

**2: 26 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Oh God :/

**2: 29 pm Reia Kellyn: **Currently Skulduggery is kissing the mistletoe and Anton's pulled a condom over his head and is using it as a swimming cap.

**2: 30 pm Fletcher Renn: **It would be hilarious if I did it, but Anton looks like a douche wearing a condom over his head. So it isn't funny.

**2: 31 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Where did he even get the condoms?

**2: 33 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Leo gave them to him for Christmas...apparantely Anton wanted peach-flavoured ones :L

**2: 34 pm Tanith Low: **How's Christmas at your house, Val? :)

**2: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Uh, Dad's trapped his hand in the microwave trying to get the Christmas pudding out, Mum's telling Dad he's an eejit and Alice is laughing at everyone, so it's pretty much a normal day in the Edgely household.

**2: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Valkyrie I kissed a mistletoe and it reminded me of you

**2: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **And see Anton hahaha he's hanging from the Christmas tree

**2: 39 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Look Anton's wearing a condom!

**2: 40 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I never thought I'd say that sentence.

**2: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You don't know how glad I am to be at my house right now.

**2: 44 pm Fletcher Renn: **Valkyrie, he's kissing my hair. It tickles :(

**2: 44 pm Antceratops Shudder: **You deserve it! You tried to touch my Yule Log!

**2: 45 pm Fletcher Renn: **No I didn't...I never tried to touch your anything...not at all!

**2: 45 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery, leave Fletcher alone.

**2: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **It's so SPIKY!

**2: 48 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Put a box over his head, he'll fall asleep right away.

**2: 50 pm Amara Calla: **Aww, Reia just put the empty present box over his head and he fell asleep, it looks so sweet :') Apart from the fact that he fell on Anton.

**2: 52 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Gerroff! Get him off me!

**2: 54 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **No matter how attractive you look with your hair like that, none of us are going to help you

**2: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OH YEAH EVANGELINE CALLED ME ATTRACTIVE I know you wanted me too babe ;)

**2: 58 pm Amara Calla: **Awww, Anton's asleep too :')

**2: 59 pm Valkyrie Cain: **What, did you put another box over him?

**3: 01 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **No, Evangeline kicked him in the head.

* * *

**3: 14 pm Tanith Low **Damn, I dropped the potatoes!

**3: 16 pm Dexter Vex: **Why? Did Ghastly come and give you a surprise ;)

**3: 18 pm Tanith Low: **Skulduggery came up behind me and shouted 'Nyyaaaah' in my ear.

**3: 20 pm Amara Calla: **Who took the box off him? -.-

**3: 22 pm Dexter Vex: **Uh, guilty. Leo, Erskine, Fletcher, Ghastly and I need it for going out sledging

**3: 24 pm Tanith Low: **Remember what happened the last time you went sledging?

**3: 25 pm Grouchly Bespoke: **Well, we pushed Leo in the sledge down the hill, and we lost control, and, ah, the sledge went through the window of that house and Leo got cuts all over his face and his film company sued us :/

**3: 27 pm Erskine Ravel: **It was bloody good fun though!

**3: 31 pm Tanith Low: **We can all go out sledging later, once we've had Christmas dinner and Anton and Skulduggery have regained soberness.

**3: 34 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **IF they ever regain soberness.

**Antceratops Shudder and Skulduggery Pleasant like this**

* * *

**3: 51 pm Tanith Low **Dinner is ready! That means **Grouchly Bespoke**, **Leo DiCaprio**, **Erskine Ravel**, **Fletcher Renn **and **Dexter Vex **better get off Call of Duty and over to the dinner table now.

**3: 54 pm Dexter Vex: **Guess you'll never beat my killstreak, Ghastly ;) Leo and I are unstoppable!

**3: 56 pm Leo DiCaprio: ***slaps high five*

**3: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **Don't worry, God Grouchly, you are one half of the Kinkiness of Ghanith and thus beat all of us in the kinky stakes. But if Anton was sober he and I would slay you all!

**3: 58 pm Dexter Vex: **No, you wouldn't. You're just upset Fletcher shot you in the back when you were on the same team.

**3: 58 pm Fletcher Renn: **I GET CONFUSED, OK?!

**3: 59 pm Tanith Low: **Fletcher, I swear to God, if you don't sit at the table and let me carve the turkey, I will replace it with you.

**4: 01 pm Erskine Ravel: **Ghastly, your girlfriend is a badass.

* * *

**4: 49 pm Grouchly Bespoke **Oh my God this food is SO GOOD

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio and six others like this**

**4: 51 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **What's going on? I feel strange...my head hurts. Blights are light. I mean, lights are bright. I hear Fletcher nomming something beside me. I feel scared. Will I be eaten? He won't eat me, will he? Though I'm sure someone that mutilates their hair like that is capable of anything.

**4: 54 pm Dexter Vex: **Skulduggery, just STFU and eat some turkey

**4: 56 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Wait why I am sitting beside Erskine?

**4: 59 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Oh man I'm gonna catch a SlothTD

**5: 02 pm Erskine Ravel: **Shoving stuffing in my mouth isn't going to make me shut up, Erskine! I have free speach! I HAVE A DREAM! I anafheujhff

**5: 02 pm Reia Kellyn: **I 'anafheujhff'?

**5: 03 pm Erskine Ravel: **I just shoved a mince pie in his mouth :3

**5: 04 pm Dexter Vex: **You two are so hot for each other.

* * *

**5: 42 pm Fletcher Renn posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall**

Val, I'm worried. I'm a guy. And I have a bump in my stomach. Do you know what this means?

**5: 44 pm Valkyrie Cain: **No idea whatsoever.

**5: 45 pm Fletcher Renn: **I'm carrying God's child!

**5: 46 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I think it means you have a food baby. You ate too much turkey again :L

**5: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **Aw, look at Valkyrie and Fletcher flirting :} I wonder what Skulduggery would say about this if he wasn't hungover?

* * *

**5: 51 pm Erskine Ravel posted on Anteratops Shudder's Wall**

Team Skulduggery or Team Fletcher?

**5: 55 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Bitch plz Team Anton

**5: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: **What a ship.

**5: 57 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Fletcher Renn **and **Antceratops Shudder**, when I regain soberness I will cut you

**5: 58 pm Fletcher Renn: **I have a food baby. THAT BEATS EVERYTHING INCLUDING YOU.

* * *

**6: 03 pm Valkyrie Cain **I have arrived! I've got an hour before I have to head back home so use me wisely ;)

**6: 05 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I sure will use you wisely ;)

**6: 06 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Surely you can stop making these pervy comments, just for one single day?

**6: 08 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I don't think so, no.

**6: 08 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **If you do not stop annoying Valkyrie, I will bring Skulmageddon down on you.

**6: 10 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ha, you're still too hungover to kill the Antceratops!

**6: 11 pm Fletcher Renn: **I thought the Antceratops was a dinosaur that went extinct from being too awesome at sex?

**6: 13 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Anton told you that, didn't he. :L

**6: 14 pm Antceratops Shudder: **True story.

* * *

**6: 35 pm PM message: Grouchly Bespoke to Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

I was in the kitchen stacking the dinner plates when I saw Thurid, Thrasher, Scapegrace and Dusk sledge past...I think they're going to sledge down OUR hill!

**6: 36 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

This cannot be permitted to happen!

**6: 38 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel and Valkyrie Cain**

But the girls, Anton and I are owning RockBand! We're about to get the highest score :}

**6: 38 pm PM message: Tariana Ravelicious Grace to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Who cares? LET'S DESTROY THEM

**6: 39 pm PM message: Evangeline Evergreen to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

What do you say, Tanith? Shall we go show them what happens when you mess with the Skul Crew? ;)

**6: 39 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Grouchly Bespoke, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

But we don't have any sledges and we can't out-sledge them in a box :L

**6: 40 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Well, Anton and I have another alternative...

**6: 40 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

We do?

Oh. We DO.

Leo, we got another present for you after you were talking about Titanic 2 a few days ago. We modified it a bit so it has some epic add-ons but we'll think you like it. Check the coat room ;)

**6: 44 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

You guys got me a jetski?! :D Thanks!

**6: 45 pm PM message: Amara Calla to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Are you suggesting that we use a jetski to sledge down the hill?

...Sounds AWESOME.

**6: 46 pm PM message: Reia Kellyn to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Then let's get a move on then! We can't be stopped. Because this time, we ride with the power of Fletcher's food baby :3

**6: 46 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel and Valkyrie Cain**

I take offense to that! But yeah, let's go

**6: 47 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Guys, before we leave, I'd like to say something...

**6: 47 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Oh God, he's coming out

**6: 47 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

NO! I'd just like to say...Merry Christmas :)

**6: 47 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Erskine Ravel and Fletcher Renn**

Merry Christmas :')

**6: 48 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Grouchly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Amara Calla, Skulduggery Pleasant, Evangeline Evergreen, Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Shudder, Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Reia Kellyn, Fletcher Renn and Valkyrie Cain**

Merry Christmas, and you know I love you all, but LET'S GO WASTE SOME ASS!

* * *

**7: 04 pm Solomown Wreath **I swear I just saw a hysterically laughing **Leo DiCaprio **speed past my house on a jetski. And then it lifted off the ground and flew past the moon followed by the other laughing members of the Skul Crew on bikes. Was I dreaming, or...

* * *

**7: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **And Wreath heard the Crew call as they flew out of sight, 'Merry Christmas to all! And to all, a good night.'


	27. Dungeons V Cupboards

_**I have been waaaay too long in updating this, and I ask you to not throw flaming pitchforks and/or Fletcher's empty cans of hairgel at me. This is a Valentine's Day chapter - about a month too late, I know, but it had to be done :) (There is also the return of Fletchcierge.)**_

_**Also, has anyone seen the Hunger Games? Come to my inbox so we can rave about its brilliance :)**_

* * *

**12: 43 pm Erskine Ravel** So I went to meet **Antceratops Shudder** at the **Midnight Hotel **for a Valentine's Day lunch and was waiting outside where it was supposed to appear in Roarhaven. When it showed up Anton walked out from the door, opened his arms and said ''Come to me.'' All the females in a half-mile radius immediately dropped everything and ran towards him.

**12: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder**: And if you're wondering, yes, that does include Madam Mist.

**12: 46 pm Tanith Low: **Is this some sort of weird everyone-wants-him-on-Valentine's-Day thing?

**12: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Correction: EVERYONE wants me on EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR 24/7 364.

**12: 49 pm Tanith Low: **This is a leap year.

**12: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Or 365, whatever. You just have to kill my buzz, don't you?

**12: 49 pm Erskine Ravel: **Tanith, I have no idea what strange pheromone it was. But he was wearing a T-shirt that said 'I make good babies'.

**12: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: **I get ALL the bitches.

**12: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: **Naturally after he extricated himself from the mass of females, he walked down the street whistling Where Them Girls At.

**12: 51 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Who cares? It's Valentine's Day, and while the abundance of hearts and roses may make me feel slightly nauseous, I have a date ready to be wooed by my charming self, and you do not. (While you can't hear it, appreciate the smugness of my tone. Go on.)

**12: 53 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Better stop typing and start planning the wooing, that's my advice.

**12: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm planning! I'm planning!

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

**12: 54 pm Erskine Ravel: **So what's he doing for you today?

**12: 56 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Taking me to dinner at Butter. And he got me a weighted throwing knife.

**12: 57 pm Dexter Vex: **Epic romance, right there.

**12: 57 pm Valkyrie Cain: **What can I say? The guy knows me.

**12: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **And Tanith? What are you and Ghastly doing?

**12: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Tanith is coming over to mine, and I am making her steak :)

**1: 00 pm Erskine Ravel: **And your dinner plans have nothing to do with the handcuffs I KNOW you took from the Gaol last week? ;D

**1: 02 pm Tanith Low: **?

**1: 03 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **IGNORE HIM.

* * *

**1: 09 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

You will not believe this. Thrasher and Scapegrace are in the same pub Erskine and I are in and they're engaging in major PDA. My eyes can't stand it. I'm crying.

**1: 10 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Oh please, these are tears of pride.

**1: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

I WAS going to share the Valentine's sundae dessert dish with you, but you can order it on your own now. -.-

**1: 12 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

Ignoring the giant elephant in the room, say hey to them from me.

**1: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

What's the elephant in the room?

**1: 13 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel**

Your sexuality.

* * *

**1: 24 pm Dexter Vex posted on Leo DiCaprio's Wall**

I'm leaving the PM before it explodes with the force of the testosterone that was building up. What are you up to?

**1: 26 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Right now I'm with Fletcher going through scripts. He's kind of upset - when we got to the draft copy of a script for Romeo and Juliet 2 he burst into tears at the first mention of love.

**1: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: **I'm not upset, I've met a wonderful man called Toffee Popcorn and we're very happy together.

**1: 31 pm Dexter Vex: **Look, why don't you come out with us tonight? Leo, who's all going?

**1: 35 pm Leo DiCaprio: **You, me, Reia, Amara, Evangeline, Tariana, Erskine and Anton.

**1: 37 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Anyway, we're all going to the Rocpool Club. You should come along, it'll be fun :)

**1: 40 pm Fletcher Renn: **...I guess Toffee will understand.

**1: 42 pm Dexter Vex: **Great - we're meeting at 8.30 in the club. And Fletcher?

**1: 43 pm Fletcher Renn: **Yeah?

**1: 44 pm Dexter Vex: **This time, don't wear the leather onesie.

* * *

**2: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder **Just finished lunch with **Erskine Ravel**, we're escaping before we see any more ofScapegrace's tongue down Thrasher's throat. If only **Ghastly Bespoke **and **Skulduggery Pleasant **were coming to the club with us...imagine the hilarity of Valentine's Days past!

**Erskine Ravel and Dexter Vex like this**

**2: 26 pm Leo DiCaprio: **What hilarity?

**2: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **You didn't know Skulduggery and Ghastly when they were single. They always got really upset because they didn't have a girlfriend when this day rolled around each year...

**2: 30 pm Antceratops Shudder: **...And we would find them at Ghastly's shop in VERY different moods.

**2: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Like what?

**2: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **Well, Ghastly always turned to gin in his hour of need.

**2: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: **We would usually find him in the kitchen clutching empty cans singing stuff like ''POPPIN' BOTTLES IN DA ICE...LYKE A BLIZZARD!''

**2: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **Skulduggery would be full-on emo, though. He'd usually sit on the couch growling 'I hate my life I hate it my life sux IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUUUUUUCKS'

**2: 40 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Seriously? xD

**2: 41 pm Erskine Ravel: **Oh yeah. And that's not even geting started on Ghastly's room of kinks.

**2: 43 pm Tanith Low: **'Room of kinks'?

**2: 44 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **SHUT UP RIGHT NOW DON'T TYPE ANOTHER WORD.

**2: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Basically he turned his basement into a dungeon of sexy sex.

**Fletcher Renn likes this**

**2: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **It may even put Anton's paedo cupboard to shame.

**2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I was at a fragile time in my life!

**2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **It was just a hobby!

**2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You don't know how hard it was for me!

**2: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: **If I had a euro for every time I said that...

**2: 52 pm Tanith Low: **Don't, Anton. Just don't.

* * *

**3: 03 pm Fletcher Renn has created the page 'Ghastly's sex dungeon'**

**Antceratops Shudder, Thurid Guild, Tanith Low and sixty-eight others like this**

**3: 07 pm Ghastlyy Bespoke: **You LIKED this, Tanith?

**3: 08 pm Tanith Low: **Well, it's kind of hot...want to give me a tour and try out those handcuffs Erskine talked about? ;)

**3: 11 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Be at mine as soon as you can.

**Tanith Low is offline**

**Ghastly Bespoke is offline**

**3: 14 pm Leo DiCaprio: **A bald, embellished-loafer-wearing tailor is going to get more than me on Valentine's Day. I can't believe it.

**3: 15 pm Thurid Guild: **Well...;)

**3: 18 pm Leo DiCaprio: **No, Thurid. Never going to happen.

**3: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ha! This page still doesn't have as many likes as **Anton Shudder's paedo cupboard**!

**3: 25 pm Dexter Vex: **I believe a challenge is in order. ;)

* * *

**3: 29 pm Dexter Vex created the poll 'Where would you rather go: Anton's Paedo Cupboard or Ghastly's Sex Dungeon?'**

**97 people voted for Anton's Paedo Cupboard**

**85 people voted for Ghastly's Sex Dungeon**

**3: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: **OH YEAH. My cupboard should be made the Seveth Wonder of the World...of course, my hot bod is the Sixth.

**3: 53 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **You've spent nearly all of Valentine's Day posting things like this? I feel sorry for you guys. I really do.

**3: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Can't wait to see you tonight either, babe. Wear something nice. Or don't wear anything at all. Your choice ;)

**4: 02 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Sure, I'm going in this really clingy revealing swimsuit, rolling with the club's rockpool theme and all.

**4: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: **REALLY?

**4: 06 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **No, you pervert.

**Evangeline Evergreen is offline**

**4: 08 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **You know you've really reached a low point when your libido is working against you.

**4: 11 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Shut it.

* * *

**8: 53 pm Dexter Vex checked in at Rocpool**

**9: 02 pm Dexter Vex: **I can't believe this. **Fletcher Renn **showed up wearing his leather onsie.

**9: 04 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm just pleased I don't have to be there when the inevitable national incident unfolds once the Garda catch sight of Fletcher's indecent exposure.

**9: 06 pm Amara Calla: **I thought you were on your date with Valkyrie?

**9: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **She went to the bathroom. I was checking my email account on my phone when Google Alerts told me the term 'leather onsie' had been posted on FaceBook.

**9: 11 pm Dexter Vex: **You have 'leather onsie' on google alert?

**9: 14 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, I don't want a repeat of the last time the leather onsie ended up making news.

**9: 17 pm Amara Calla: **I don't blame you.

**9: 20 pm Fletcher Renn: **Look, I didn't know I was teleporting into a nursing home, OK?

**9: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Don't blame your restraining order on us.

* * *

**9: 35 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder and Ghastly Bespoke**

**Subject: **I'M IN A RAGE THIS IS THE MADDEST I'VE EVER BEEN (since the time with Freddie at Christmas)

Look at the bar! Look! Look! There's a man hitting on Tariana! On the day that couples are meant to spend together! A guy! A full-grown walking douchebag! Flirting with my girlfriend!

WE MUST STOP HIM

**9: 36 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder**

Did you honestly just say 'douchebag'?

**9: 38 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder and Ghastly Bespoke**

And she looks so great in that dress. Great. Just add lust to the long list of emotions I'm experiencing right now: burning jealousy, a thirst for vengeance against the Douchebag, the pain of watching the one I love laugh with another, and fiery drunkeness. Just seeing Tariana smile at the jokes of my arch-enemy makes me want to vomit.

Hey! I have an arch enemy. Like a superhero. Bitchin'.

**9: 38 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke**

You're just a walking, talking soap opera.

**9: 41 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder**

And now 'Bitchin'.' Either you've been hanging out with Anton for too long or the fiery drunkness you talked about is really kicking in.

**9: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke**

Erskine's drawn a picture of the douchebag-guy lying on the ground with his head cut off. And him standing with one foot on top of it saying ''This is my dominion.'' I don't know what it means, but it's funny as fuck.

**9: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke**

And I thought you were having a 24-hour sexathon with Tanith?

**9: 45 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder**

It's not a sexathon! Remove your brain from the gutter it takes permanent residence in.

About half an hour ago she 'went to the bathroom'. I think she's in there texting Valkyrie about our respective dates.

**9: 46 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke**

That's interesting and all, but I've got to go stop Erskine from killing that mortal. I would get Dexter and Leo to help but they're consoling Fletcher about being single on Valentine's day. Loner.

**9: 48 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder**

You're single too, Anton.

**9: 51 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke**

Only until I get Erskine sobered up, then I'm making my way through the stack of phone numbers I've got from girls in this club. Last time I picked up chicks here I ended up in a ten-way. ;)

**9: 52 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder**

I'm going now. :L

* * *

**10: 04 pm Fletcher Renn posted on Dexter Vex's Wall**

Where are you? Get back here with Leo! I need help1

**10: 06 pm Dexter Vex: **I guess that 1 wasn't intentional?

**10: 07 pm Fletcher Renn: **I dropped my mobile into my glass of shandy, whatever. But I need help! And not of the shoulder-to-lean-on kind. The concierge that was obsessed with me is here!

**10: 09 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Really?

**10: 12 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Ahhhh, so you aren't alone after all. Bless.

**10: 14 pm Fletcher Renn: **See the counter under the statue of the mermaid? The guy with the blonde hair slicked back talking to Tariana? That's him.

**10: 15 pm Antceratops Shudder: **This isn't going to end well.

**10: 17 pm Dexter Vex: **What's up?

**10: 20 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Erskine already wants to blow the guy's head off for flirting with Tara. That's why he's been staggering around for the past ten minutes shouting 'Draw your sword like a real man, you scoundrel!'

**10: 21 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **So basically we have to keep the concierge away from Fletcher and Erskine away from the concierge.

**10: 22 pm Fletcher Renn: **I moved hotels after the awkward stalking moment on Christmas Day so I don't know if he's still obsessed with me. But I don't want to risk it.

**10: 22 pm Erskine Ravel: **YOURE TALKING ABOUT THE DOUCHEBAG I KNEW IT. ILL RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB

**10: 23 pm Dexter Vex: **I love how you forget to use apostrophes when you're drunk.

**10: 25 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Erskine, even I can hear you from halfway across the club. You really don't want to draw this kind of attention.

**10: 25 pm Fletcher Renn: **Seriously, he's going to start looking up if you carry on like this

**10: 25 pm Erskine Ravel: **I dont know why Im typing this all out on facebook while yelling it but its kind of relaxing, especially while I consider ways of ending the Douchebags life as painfully as possible

**10: 26 pm Fletcher Renn: **He's just seen me, oh God...

**10: 26 pm Dexter Vex: **More importantly he's just seen you in that leather onsie, and from the heart shapes I can practically see popping up in his eyes, I think he's still slightly in love with you. And I can't be sure, but I think he's drooling.

**10: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: **He's making his way towards you. I think you better escape.

**10: 28 pm Fletcher Renn: **I'll escape out the back door. Wish me luck!

**Fletcher Renn is offline**

**10: 31 pm Amara Calla: **And off he goes into the night.

**10: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Would it be bad of me to point out the total ironicy of someone being interested in Fletcher on Valentine's day that he ends up running away from?

**10: 33 pm Evangeline Evergreen: **Don't worry. This will all just end up in some hilarious anecdote we'll share over the years.

**10: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **Wheres the Douchebag? I have nunchucks

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace has signed on**

**10: 37 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **I stay off facebook for one night and this happens.

**10: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **NUNCHUCKS, Tariana, NUNCHUCKS

**10: 40 pm Antceratops Shudder: **Where the hell did you get them from?

**10: 40 pm Antceratops Shudder: **...I think I want a pair

**10: 42 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **I actually think I'll head home, I feel a headache coming on. This weird guy was asking if I really was friends with Fletcher, saying he tracked him down to the club and had been researching him. Super weird. Is it OK if you guys take care of drunk, apostrophe-dropping, nunchuck-weilding Erskine right now? I feel awful leaving on Valentine's Day but I really don't feel well :L

**10: 43 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Of course :) Feel better soon!

**10: 45 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Thanks :) Night everyone x

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace is offline**

**10: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **Dont go! I can love you so much better than the Douchebag ever could!

* * *

**10: 50 pm Dexter Vex **Has an emotionally unstable, in-need-of-a-grammar-Nazi **Erskine Ravel **just fled a club after his girlfriend? Did we follow him? Am I currently filming his heartfelt version of What Makes You Beautiful on my iPod? The answer to all these questions is yes.

**China Sorrows, Veevee Scapegrace, Billy-Ray Sanguine and twelve others like this**

**10: 51 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Shouldn't we try to stop him? :/

**10: 51 pm Amara Calla: **Well, the crowd is loving it :}

**10: 52 pm Leo DiCaprio: **...And now she's walking away. Ouch. I think the singing might have got too much for her headache to bear.

* * *

**11: 01 pm Dexter Vex has uploaded the video Human Life at it's Lowest**

**Thurid Guild, Ghastly Bespoke, Philomena Random and fifty-seven others like this**

**11: 08 pm Valkyrie Cain: **If only I had been there.

**11: 19 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You do know someone posted this on youtube? It's got almost a million hits!

**11: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant:** I TOLD you Fletcher's leather onsie would cause a national incident, however indirectly.

**11: 22 pm Dexter Vex: **What did they call it on youtube?

**11: 22 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Something like 'Singing Drunk Gets Rejected by Girlfriend'.

**11: 25 pm Finbar Wrong: **I totally knew he would end up walking into that lampost. Psychic abilities, man.

**11: 26 pm China Sorrows: **But I don't think any of us prepared for that grand finale of throwing up on the dog.

**11: 26 pm Tanith Low: **Pause at 2: 06, you can see Anton laughing at him from the club doors xD

**11: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: **The video's gone viral...Barack Obama just tweeted about it.

**11: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: **This isn't happening O_o I sung One Direction while drunk to my girlfriend. My life is over.

**11: 31 pm Dexter Vex: **Look on the bright side - most of the people writing comments seemed to think you were really good looking until you vomited on Lassie.

**11: 34 pm Fletcher Renn: **This is the best thing I've seen since High School Musical on stage :')

**11: 35 pm Leo DiCaprio: **What happened to crazy-ass concierge/the Douchebag?

**11: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **He chased me to the park and fell into a ditch. No-one can catch the Flerminator.

**11: 39 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Yes, the Paedo King returned! I got FORTY-TWO phone numbers last night, and I think I wrote down the rough estimates of Evangeline's bra size down somewhere. Tonight has been fantastic. Long live my reign. (Also, Erskine - I'm sorry that people are laughing at that video of you. The Hotel is back in Ireland next week, so you could maybe come over and have a beer. Dexter - for posting the aforementioned video, you win the internet.)

**11: 41 pm Dexter Vex: **To be honest, the thing I'm most scared about is how next year's Valentine's Day could ever top this.

**11: 44 pm Tanith Low: **Maybe a rematch of the paedo cupboard and sex dungeon?

**11: 45 pm Tanith Low: **But after what I've seen, Ghastly's dungeon wins all the way. ;)

**11: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke:** Sssh. It'll be our secret.

**11: 48 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **And don't worry; I kept the handuffs.

**11: 48 pm Tanith Low: **I love you more with every minute :)

* * *

**3: 12 am Antceratops Shudder **Just woke up and realised that if Erskine and One Direction teamed up for a duet their name would be One Erection. Brilliant.


	28. The Pleasures of Fanfock

_**This chapter contains some fandom references, so for those that don't know, Kurt and Blaine are two characters from Glee, Peeta and Katniss are from The Hunger Games, the lyrics Valkyrie and Tanith post on Skulduggery's Wall are from Lady Gaga's **_**Bad Romance **_**and Arthur and Cobb are in my fabulous Leonardo's movie **_**Inception.**

* * *

**8: 06 pm Ghastly Bespoke **I just saw a Nazi driving past at 88 mph...He was probably going Back to the Fuhrer.

**8: 09 pm Dexter Vex: **And this is why we don't let you make jokes.

**8: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **Ghastly, I know we were kept up pretty late last night, but are you sure you got some sleep?

**8: 16 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I tried. There were things needing stitching and Tanith wanting steak and a shirt I had to sew.

**8: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Did you finish the shirt? I really need it for tomorrow.

**8: 21 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I finished it, at GREAT cost to my wellbeing and health, might I add. Did you even see I was making Nazi jokes?

**Leo DiCaprio likes this**

**8: 24 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I apologize...Your Lordship.

**8: 27 pm Valkyrie Cain: **he really is sorry, Your Grace.

**8: 33 pm Dexter Vex: **Your Eminence, he is not fit to even look at you, lest his eyes be burned out by your wrath. Leave the shirts to be sewen by a lesser mortal. We are not worthy.

**Valkyrie Cain likes this**

**8: 36 pm Fletcher Renn: **Come on ppl leave Ghastly alone!

**8: 38 pm Dexter Vex: **HOW DARE YOU.

**8: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain: **His Lordship only deserves the highest compliments available, and even then they don't do justice to his glory.

**8: 41 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Truly, he is a God among men. And we are but his humble disciples.

**8: 45 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You're never going to stop with all this, are you?

**8: 46 pm Valkyrie Cain: **No.

**8: 46 pm Dexter Vex: **Never.

* * *

**9: 28 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder has made a note: Possible Business Idea**

So I was thinking of creating an internet site.

I just finished reading this amazing book series and it ends on a cliffhanger so you don't know what happens to the characters and I was left going 'WHAT? WHAT HAPPENS? WHAT IS THIS LIFE?'

And a revolutionary, monumental, _fucking orgasmic_ idea struck me.

I could create something on the internet for all those in my position, those left cursing at the ending of a book, or even a TV show or a film. Or maybe people could simply write about storylines they wished happened to their favourite characters, or create stories where these characters they secretly dreamed were together end up a couple.

Maybe they could imagine alternate storylines for the things like heart-stopping cliffhangers or put their characters in settings from other books or films. Stories could be funny, or full of action, or lame and romantic.

People could really be happy - instead of having that empty hollow feeling when a storyline turns out bad or things don't turn out the way they want it to, they could write up ways to fulfill their dreams of what happened and read the works of others that think like them.

And the name for the brilliant site?

_Fanfock_.

**9: 31 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OK, how can you even use italics on facebook?

**9: 31 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You know I have connections. But come on, what did you think?

**9: 36 pm Tanith Low: **...You want to call it Fanfock?

**9: 37 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Damn right I do.

**9: 44 pm Valkyrie Cain: **'Fanfock'?

**9: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You have to sort of bark it out, kind of in a German accent. FANFOCK!

**9: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Congratulations. I think that entire note was the most serious you've sounded in two centuries.

**9: 50 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Don't any of you think I've come up with something seriously badass? I mean, this is an entirely new idea that I've come up with, writing about your favourite fictional characters, creating scenarios for them...

**9: 53 pm Reia Kellyn: **Oh, you'd be surprised.

**9: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: **Well done, Anton. Just read this and it's actually a pretty good idea :) It's great to see you do something other than chase skirts and you know you've got my support 100 per cent.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this**

**9: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **THANK YOU! It's pretty good to know I can come to you for advice, bro.

**9: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: ***bumps fist* I've got to get some sleep - long day tomorrow - but this sounds really promising! I'll text you later about it.

**Erskine Ravel is offline**

**10: 04 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Oh my God. Does this mean that people could actually...write an alternate ending to Titanic?

**10: 09 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Sure, don't see why not

**10: 11 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Then I'm funding this project. Any money you need, you've got it. You, Anton, are a wish granter.

**10: 12 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **That's the first time anyone male and outside of my bedroom has said that, and you know...it feels pretty damn good.

* * *

**Skulduggery Pleasant likes the page Bentley R-Type Continental**

**10: 33 pm Fletcher Renn: **Your obsession is getting weird.

* * *

**10: 41 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

**Subject: **Fanfock

So, I know you said people could write things in Fanfock that they always secretly dreamed about. How about, for example, pairings that they loved?

**10: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Remember time zones, dude. It's almost 4 AM here in . But Antceratops can go all night, in more ways than one.

And yeah, that was an idea I had

**10: 45 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Even pairings that others would find strange...characters from books with characters from other books? Or different species? Or...people and inanimate objects? For instance, cars? And say they weren't paired with people exactly...like, for example,skeletons?

**10: 48 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant**

I think I'm too tired for that to make sense, but yeah, I guess so.

* * *

**10: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant **Fanfock is rapidly becoming a better and better idea.

* * *

**12: 42 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **I've decided to ask people to send me different stories so I can start making up preliminary Fanfock categories. I'll post an example to show you how it's done.

FANFOCK. (By Anton.)

The moooooon was briight toniiiight.

''The moooooon is briight toniiiight,'' Fletcher said.

''I know,'' said Skulduggery.

They looked at the moon.

It was bright.

''The moooon is briight toniiiight,'' said Valkyrie.

''STFU Val, we already covered that,'' said Fletcher.

Valduggery kissed.

THE END.

P.S. Ghanith were having sex on the moon.

**1: 02 am Valkyrie Cain: **This was beautiful.

**1: 04 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I...I'm crying. THANK YOU.

**1: 11 am Fletcher Renn: **FUCK YOU, ANTON, AND YOUR PERFECT WRITING ABILITY. FUCK YOU.

**1: 14 am Ghastly Bespoke: **I have no words.

**1: 19 am Erskine Ravel: **Anton Shudder, next Poet Laureate. The way you say things like 'Ghanith were having sex' and 'It was briight' ring out true to the world.

**1: 24 am Tanith Low: **Have my underwear

**1: 35 Solomown Wreath: **A compelling tale - the dialouge was poetic. The characterization was spot on and I got the symbolism you were insinuating with the moon. Anton, never stop.

**1: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: **FANFOCK 4EVER IT SHALL NEVER DIE

**1: 42 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Wait. Are you all making fun of me?

**1: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **We would never.

**1: 48 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Of course we wouldn't! Your story was moving ;D

**1: 49 pm Dexter Vex: **I get chills every time I read it.

**1: 52 pm Tanith Low: **your talent jumps off of the computer screen - I'm humbled to consider you my friend

**1: 56 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I hate you all.

**Tanith Low and Dexter Vex like this**

* * *

**5: 13 pm Erskine Ravel **Though **Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **is still mad at me for laughing at his writing attempts, he forwarded me some of the emails he's been receiving. Someone just submitted a fanfock called 'Confessions of a Teenage Death Eater'. Holy God.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this**

* * *

**5: 16 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Tanith Low **

So I guess Anton didn't like your story about Draco Malfoy? xD

**5: 18 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain**

Shut it.

* * *

**6: 05 pm Dexter Vex posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall**

I only understood about half of that text you just sent me. What are 'OTPs' and 'shippers'?

**6: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **What is an OTP? Is it a disease? Has Fletcher contracted a new strain of Gingerus Dandruffus?

**6: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **There was a kinda boom in the amount of fanfock submissions and a lot of them are from fangirls that love pairing people together. What I figured is that a pairing is also called a ship, and an OTP stands for One True Pairing, a ship that people seem to be ready to fight to the death over. Like, all OTPs are ships but not all ships are OTPs.

**6: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery if you don't stop typing away and start helping me with this casework I will STEAL YOUR HAT.

**6: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Fine, I'm going offline. The things I do for you.

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

**6: 19 pm Dexter Vex: **...Well, we know who wears the pants in this relationship

* * *

**8: 25 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder created a poll 'Do you think stories on Fanfock should be rated?'**

**Six people voted no**

**Sixty-eight people voted yes**

**8: 49 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **So yeah, I think I'll go with different ratings for stories. They'll all be graded with different letters - they go from B for Boring to S for Sexytimes.

**8: 56 pm Erskine Ravel: **Got any more fanfocks for us to look over?

**9: 02 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Thanks for offering, bro. I just emailed you all this really weird Jesus/Noah Bible fanfock the writer called 'Noah and the Wood that Wasn't the Ark'

**9: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: **...That was the most disturbing thing I've ever read :o

**9: 10 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I'll never be innocent again.

**9: 12 pm Dexter Vex: **Jesus fucking christ

**9: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: **It's more like jesus fucking noah

**Dexter Vex, Ghastly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio like this**

* * *

**9: 26 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Is it you that's submitting all these Harry Potter stories? It's the most popular category by far.

**9: 28 pm Tanith Low: **No! I've not written any fanfock!

**9: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Tanith, I've seen the files in your computer saved 'HP Fanfock'

**Tanith Low is offline**

**9: 35 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Checking all these Harry Potter fanfocks is bloody exhausting, and only a handful are fun reading. Why couldn't he just have been The Boy Who Got Laid A Lot?

**9: 35 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Some of the lines you come up with really are fascinating. What's your brain filled with?

**9: 38 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Dancing naked girls, mostly.

**9: 38 pm Valkyrie Cain: **That explains a lot.

* * *

**10: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio **Really I should be going over scripts but I'm sorta obsessed with the fanfock stories Anton is sending me. A summary for a Glee Kurt/Blaine pairing story:

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Blaine Anderson was a Warbler.

Second, there was a part of him - and I don't know how dominant that part might be - that was a total BAMF.

And third, I was completely and irrevocably in love with him.

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla and Reia Kellyn like this**

**10: 35 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **I would read that story.

* * *

**10: 41 pm Tanith Low: **Whether to ship Peeta/Katniss or Peeta/Bread. Hmmmm.

**10: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: **You think that's hard? Try having to choose between Valith or Chinith. That's hard.

**10: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I ship Sheveryone. Shudder/Eveyone. Seriously.

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**10: 45 pm Tanith Low: **Ghastly is asleep on the couch so he can't help me make this decision. God, it's difficult.

**10: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Come to me and I'll treat you the way a real man should

**10: 46 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I'm awake enough to be able to punch your teeth out of you try anything with my girlfriend.

**Tanith Low likes this**

**10: 48 Fletcher Renn: **But come on Ghastly, you're an ELDER. As in, old. Maybe Tanith needs loving from someone a little younger ;)

**10: 51 pm Tanith Low: **I have no words to describe you right now, Fletch

**10: 52 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **He's a scoundrel.

**10: 53 pm Dexter Vex: **A despicable cad.

**10: 53 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Truly deplorable.

**10: 53 pm Erskine Ravel: **Boil-brained clotpole.

**10: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **He's a cheeky shit.

**10: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Agreed.

* * *

**9: 27 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Digest this over your morning coffee - one of the business partners of Twitter just messaged me saying he would be interested in funding Fanfock as it 'shows great promise'. It's official. I've surpassed my own level of awesome. So I'll now give you a choice of these descriptions to describe me.

A hotel-owning BAMF

Owner of the best hotel in the world

Fierce as fuck

Creator of a bitching website

Pimpin' daily

All of the above

**9: 31 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm going with 'arrogant playboy'.

**9: 33 am Valkyrie Cain: **Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

**9: 33 am Valkyrie Cain: **I mean, it was you I saw in the bathroom last night trying out poses with you hat? ;)

**9: 33 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Shut up

**9: 35 am Tanith Low: **These mental images. Of Skulduggery posing. They are glorious

**9: 36 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Shut up now

* * *

**9: 37 am Valkyrie Cain posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

WALK WALK FASHION BABY

**9: 37 am Tanith Low: **WORK IT MOVE THAT BITCH CRAZY

**9: 39 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **That's it. Valkyrie, I'm not picking you up for work today. Tanith, I honestly don't know what I'll do with you. Maybe I'll hit you with a stick. It feels like a stick-hitting day.

**9: 41 am Valkyrie Cain: **Nooooooo. You cannot. The Toxic Twins will drag me over to their house and either give me another makeover or get me to teach them magic. I don't know what's worse

**9: 42 am Tanith Low: Ghastly Bespoke**! Skulduggery is threatening me. I'm working today so I can't give hit him with his stick. Set the hounds on him.

**9: 44 am Ghastly Bespoke: **You've really got to stop tagging me in your comments just to inform me to beat up people. I have serious work to do, like pinging bits through the door of Erskine's office, and running the Irish national community, things like that. Sort it out yourself, kids. And we don't have hounds.

**9: 46 am Tanith Low: **I think I want some hounds now.

**9: 45 am Valkyrie Cain: **Ha! I'll just get Fletcher to Teleport me to the Sanctuary!

**Valkyrie Cain is offline**

**9: 45 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **...Blast.

**Skulduggery Pleasant is offline**

* * *

**3: 12 pm Leo DiCaprio posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall**

On my lunch break - I had some really good ideas for Fanfock! I know a couple of investors that would really like to talk to you about business :)

**3: 16 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Thanks Leo, but I actually sold Fanfock a couple of hours ago.

**3: 16 pm Leo DiCaprio: **WHAT?

**3: 17 pm Fletcher Renn: **Why would you do that?

**3: 17 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Though the subject of Fanfock is all we've talked about these past few days and posts about it are clogging up my news feed, I too wonder why you would sell it.

**3: 20 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Don't get me wrong, I'm totally proud of my site and I think it's really going places. It's just I've been kind of neglecting the Hotel with all the Fanfock stuff that's been going on, and that's not chill. I still have majority shares in Fanfock and I'll have a say in decisions, but I'm handing over the helm to someone else.

**3: 22 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Wow. I'm really proud of you - it takes a big person with a lot of courage to put trust of their business in someone else! (This doesn't mean Fanfock will stop running, does it? Because I've got some pretty great ideas for Titanic stories. And a few Arthur/Cobb Inception ones.)

**3: 25 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I don't have a lot of courage right now, I'm lying in my cupboard with a bottle of whisky and a box of Kleenex. And it'll still be running, no worries there.

**3: 26 pm Fletcher Renn: **Why didn't you wait for a year or two to sell it, when it was more popular? You would have got more money for it

**3: 26 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder:** I live by my family motto, Fletcher - We give to the less fortunate.

**3: 27 pm Fletcher Renn:** Do you mean like that time you took me to a soup kitchen in downtown Dublin and gave me a stack of photos of yourself to hand out to the people there?

**3: 29 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**: Exactly. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they can't have (pictures of) pretty things. It's kind of a family motto.

**3: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant**: I thought your family motto was 'Coitus unto Morti'?

**3: 32 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder:** And I think you'll agree that they're both fine laws to live by.

**3: 32 pm Leo DiCaprio:** Coitus unto Morti?

**3: 33 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder:** Loosely translated, it means 'sex until death'.

**3: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Amen to that.


	29. Pitbull-Punchbull Part One

_**This is definitely not my favourite chapter, but I edited it as much as I could :L Feedback is always appreciated, even it is just telling me how much this chapter fails. And you'd be right.**_

_**Please forgive me the numerous typos and mistakes in punctuation - I'm just trying to stay true to what a boisterous group of Dead Men, Leonardo and Fletcher would type like while drunk.**_

* * *

**10: 13 am Erskine Ravel **I had to race someone to the waffle maker at the Sanctuary's breakfast. #hungergames

**Dexter Vex, Tanith Low, Amara Calla and sixteen others like this**

**10: 15 am Staven Weeper: **I think you bruised my windpipe :(

**10: 24 am Erskine Ravel: **You snooze, you lose.

**10: 26 am Tanith Low: **We should TOTALLY hold our own Hunger Games!

**10: 28 am Fletcher Renn: **Great, I'll order twenty rounds of chicken supreme buckets from KFC right now.

**10: 29 am Tanith Low: **No, like the book Hunger Games! Without the bloody, vicious killing, that is. We can just all rough each other up a bit.

**10: 32 am Thurid Guild: **Do any of you actually do any work at all? All you seem to do is flirt, pretend to have homosexual relations, stalk one another and and clutter my news feed.

**China Sorrows, Solomown Wreath and Finbar Wrong like this**

**10: 33 am Erskine Ravel: **Why do you always pop up when food is mentioned? Back to your skulking.

**Thurid Guild is offline**

**10: 36 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I'm up for this Hunger Games thing ;)

**10: 40 am Tanith Low: **Anton, you wouldn't last a day in the arena :L

**10: 42 am Fletcher Renn: **It's pretty obvious I would win anyway

**10: 56 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**: No. I would win because I'd fuck my way out of there.

**11: 01 am Erskine Ravel: **The sad thing is he's probably right.

* * *

**3: 38 pm Erskine Ravel **In lieu of our version of the Hunger Games, I've decided to throw a Boiiiishh night out. A few of us just held a practice Games behind the Sanctuary and Anton's muttering of 'man oh man I'm going to fuck erryone up' convinced me he's enough of a danger to society without giving him permission to attack people.

**3: 42 pm Tanith Low: **You held it without me?!

**3: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: **Well, Ghastly and I needed a reason to get out of a deathly boring meeting.

**3: 49 pm Dexter Vex: **I thought it would be a good chance to brush up on my fight training.

**3: 52 pm Fletcher Renn: **Erskine told me it would be a chance for me to practice my combat skills.

**3: 50 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Uh, I was bored.

**3: 53 pm Tanith Low: **Hmm.

**3: 54 pm Erskine Ravel: **But for the first time we've done the responsible thing and decided it would be a supremely bad idea to hold a Hunger Games. I think the responsibility of being Elders has rubbed off on us!

**3: 57 pm Tanith Low: **And your newfound responsility has led to you plan a likely drink-fuelled night out?

**3: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **Baby steps, Tanith. Baby steps.

* * *

**8: 26 pm Dexter Vex **So I had this guy by the throat, against a wall

**8: 30 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **DEXTER'S WRITING GAY PORN.

**8: 31 pm Dexter Vex: **Shut up! I pressed the enter key by mistake

**8: 34 pm Dexter Vex: **So I saw a mage I knew Erskine put an arrest warrant out for and I chased him for half an hour until I managed to pin him to the wall. I was just about to cuff him when I remembered what Fletcher said during our practice Hunger Games and started laughing so hard he escaped. Oops.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this**

**8: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **This is why you leave the detective work to Valkyrie and I, Dexter. What did Fletcher say?

**8: 43 pm Dexter Vex: **Well, when we started the practice Games thing, Erskine pointed to Fletcher, yelled 'GET HIM!' and charged towards where he was standing, but Fletcher headbutted him in the face and said 'Not today whore'

* * *

**8: 45 pm Dexter Vex has created the page '"Not today whore" - Fletcher Renn'**

**Leo DiCaprio, Finbar Wrong, Dexter Vex and thirty-eight others like the page '"Not today whore" - Fletcher Renn'**

**9: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: **No one's ever created a facebook page for me before! :D

**9: 22 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **That's not actually true - there's a page insulting your hairgel. And a Fletcher Renn Hate Group that nobody can ever claim I created.

**9: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: **_:(_

* * *

**6: 43 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Just to clarify we're meeting in an hour at the Alchemy Club, are we all good with that?

**6: 46 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

I think we're all good to go

**6: 48 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Created a playlist for tonight, give me one moment to upload it (with some Sinatra just for you, Skulduggery)

**6: 52 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Dexter's get psyched playlist on Spotify

1. I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas

2. You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

3. Paradise City - Guns & Roses

4. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol

5. Ridin' Solo - Jason Derulo

6. Ready To Go - Panic! At the Disco

7. Dream On - Aerosmith

8. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice

9. Crazy In Love - Beyonce feat. Jay Z

10. I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters

11. My Way - Frank Sinatra

12. Jumpin' Jack Flash - Rolling Stones

13. All Fired Up - The Saturdays

14. Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy

**6: 58 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Pretty good playlist, Dexter...but remember when you used to always put the Macarena on your playlists? And that one time you actually included Party In the USA by that Cyrus girl?

**7: 00 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Hey! She is a GODDESS.

**7: 02 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Believe me, I've been to some of the same parties as her...and you would not believe the tales I have. There's this one that involves her, a cup and a Jonas Brother...but no. I'll have to have a few drinks inside me before I ever share THAT story.

**7: 03 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

On a side note, Dexter, why is your surname now a lot more VEX-ish?

**7: 05 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Dramatic impact mostly, but I've changed it in anticipation of drunk me logging onto facebook later tonight. I'm hoping that that Mr. Hyde side of my personality will remember in some part of his brain that I'd altered my name on here and thus won't change it to something like Dexboi Vex-McLovin'.

**7: 08 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

In all fairness, Dexboi McLovin' was the most hilarious alter ego I've ever seen - and my best friend literally has an evil demon version of himself living inside his body.

**7: 09 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

NO. There will be none of Dexboi tonight. At least...I hope not.

**7: 12 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

Well, Anton's just texted me saying he's picked up four cans of neon body paint. Consider yourselves forewarned.

**7: 15 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke**

As Kesha once said, the party don't start till I walk in.

* * *

**7: 34 pm Tanith Low posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall**

Ghastly just left for the Boiiiish night. Want to come over? I have wine and the Lumineers_'_ Ho Hey playing on itunes.

**7: 36 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Sounds good. I've got to the point where I don't even bat an eyelash when one of the guys walks into my bedroom covered in blood and feathers after a night out any more.

**7:37 pm Tanith Low: **Or when I get a call saying one of them's been found in a ditch ten miles away after their night of heavy parting.

**7: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Or when Erskine starts rubbing himself against my leg meowing like a cat.

**7: 39 Tanith Low: **Or when I go to my kitchen the next morning and find out they've eaten all the chocolate wrappers in the sweets tin. Like, they unwrapped all the little chocolates and left them in the box, just ate the wrappings they were in.

**7: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Or when I walk in them sitting in a circle in a darkened room, Anton holding a Satanic Bible, halfway through a pagan ritual.

**7: 43 pm Tanith Low: **That actually happened to you?

**7: 44 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Sadly, yes.

**7: 44 pm Tanith Low: **We need to find new friends.

**7: 45 pm Valkyrie Cain: **We really do. :/

* * *

**8: 20 pm Dexter VEX **Fletcher may or may not be singing 'Whaddaya Want From Me' to his refection. I may or may not be filming it.

**Skulduggery Pleasant, China Sorrows, Erkine Ravel and forty-two others like this**

**8: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Not even an hour into the night and Fletcher's singing is already breaking out. Will someone please hashtag this for me?

**8: 27 pm Anteratops Paedo King Shudder: **#fletcherisalightweight

**8: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Thank you.

**8: 31 pm Fletcher Renn: **Your name isn't Sklduggery any more. Youre now called...Banana-Man.

**8: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Sorry but not sorry. Hey! DON'T YOU DARE COME TOWARDS ME WITH THAT MARKER PEN.

**8: 38 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Be nice, Fletcher.

**8: 40 pm Fletcher Renn: **Val, face it: I'm a rascal.

**8: 44 pm Dexter VEX: **Do you know what I've just realised? There should be a relationship status for 'In a Skul Crew with'

**8: 45 pm Fletcher Renn: **oh my goD YES

**8: 47 pm Fletcher Renn: **Can this be a thing or

**8: 50 pm Dexter VEX: **I would answer you but I'm kind of preoccupied with what the hell Erskine, Anton and Leo are doing

**8: 51 pm Dexter VEX: **It's literally a threesome on the dancefloor...for no reason

**8: 54 pm Dexter VEX: **How much alcohol have they TAKEN?

**8: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **This is just a rough estimate, but I think they're consuming vodka at a ratio of 3:1 compared to us.

**8: 59 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Bazinga.

**9: 02 pm Dexter VEX: **Oh don't start. You were just two steps away from dry humping your best friend and one of the most prolific actors in the world.

**Leo DiCaprio likes this**

**9: 05 pm Erskine Ravel: **Don't want to alarm you but I was looking at the music viodeos on the TVs and oh my gosh Ghastly looks so like Pitbull

**9: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **GHASTLY IS PITBULL OMG

* * *

**9: 22 pm Dexter VEX **Just been checking out the Pittly Effect and it's so legit

**9: 22 pm Tanith Low: **The Pittly Effect?

**9: 23 pm Dexter VEX: **As in, you put a picture of Ghastly next to a picture of Pitbull and there's no difference at all

**9: 25 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I don't look like Pitbull! Besides he's an awful rapper. And sexist at that. And wears AWFUL shoes. Awful.

**9: 26 pm Dexter VEX: **Don't be so hard on yourself. We like you, no matter how awful your music/footwear/attitude to women is.

**9: 26 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **H8 u

* * *

**9: 56 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Ghastly Bespoke**

So how's the night going? :) Apart from being compared to a mediocre rapper

**10: 09 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

Uh, Dexter's singing Hot n Cold in Ukranian and Erskine's tryig to get everyone dancing to Kickstarts. I'm trying to forget I ever wrote the words 'H8 u' by getting even more drunk. It's working

**10: 11 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Ghastly Bespoke**

So I guess you're still at the Alchemy Club then?

**10: 13 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

Yup

**10: 14 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low**

Gotta go Anton' s taken out the body paint

**Ghastly Bespoke is offline**

* * *

**11: 43 pm Erskine Ravel **Haha **Fletcher Renn** dropped his apple off a bridge and is now singing The One That Got Away. I really love boisshh nights out

**11: 45 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **Why did you leave the club? Bad things always happen when you leave the club.

**11: 49 pm DexBOI McLovin': **We're sneaking into a field near Roarhaven

**11: 50 pm DexBOI McLovin': **Wifi from the sanctuary oh yeah

**11: 52 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I can't be sure but I think there's cows in this field

**11: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **My deductive powers might be wrong but I think they're bulls.

**11: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: **Oh they're looking over here I'm jst gonna run away nofefjrfnr'###

**11: 57 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace: **Erskine? Did you pass out again?

**11: 58 pm DexBOI McLovin': **Hahahahaha he tried to run away from the bulls and slipped in the mud and now he's groining

**11: 59 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: **GROINING? That's it. I'm going to bed. Try not to die

**Tariana Ravelicious Grace is offline**

**12: 01 am DexBOI McLovin': **I meant groaning! Groaning...oh. You;re gone. Ah well.

* * *

**12: 08 am Leo DiCaprio **I love how **Erskine Ravel** breaks his arm and all he does is look at in surprise and say 'Oh, I'm bleeding'

**Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and four others like this**

**12: 12 am Fletcher Renn: **I think the body paint is stoping Skul from setting his arm.

**12: 14 am DexBOI McLovin': **It's like we're living in a Katy Perry song.

* * *

**12: 27 am Ghastly Bespoke **I punched a bull.

**12: 29 am Finbar Wrong: **Whut?

**12: 33 am Ghastly Bespoke: **It hurt Erskine so I punched it

**12: 35 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **We should start calling him Punchbull

**12: 38 am DexBOI McLovin': **HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA YES

**12: 39 am Valkyrie Cain: **Oh my God how you haven't died yet is beyond me.

**12: 41 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I'm drunk, not stupid

**12: 43 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Wait. Where's Fletcher?

* * *

**12: 49 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

So where have you all gone

**12: 53 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Im not in the field anymore

**12: 54 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

There's trees everywhere

**12: 58 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

One of them looks like Skulduggery

**1: 05 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Hahahahahahahahahaha

**1: 07 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Shit I've fallen over

**1: 11 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Guys

**1: 14 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Help

**1: 19 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'**

Help

* * *

**1: 31 am DexBOI McLovin': **Where's mah vodka

* * *

**1: 56 am Ghastly Bespoke posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall**

Is that you I see lying in the bushes?

**1: 59 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm having a staring contest with a hedgeheog

**2:01 am Skulduggery Pleasant:** He's winning

* * *

**2: 25 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Time flies when you're passed out in a lake

**Erskine Ravel and Leo DiCaprio like this**

**2: 29 am Erskine Ravel: **Is that where you got to?

**2: 34 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Yeah, I was looking for Fletcher but then I fell and the lake was there and I was in it

**2: 35 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I was in the lake but out of consciousness

**2: 37 am Erskine Ravel: **Cool. My arm's broken.

**2: 39 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Awesome. Does it hurt?

**2: 39 am Erskine Ravel: **Want to head over to the sanctuary and get painkillers

**2: 41 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **No

**2: 41 am Erskine Ravel: **There might be girls working late in the officess

**2: 43 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Ok

* * *

**3: 09 am Skulduggery Pleasant **Erskine, Anton and Erskine are missing. Leo is dancing in the mud. Ghastly is massaging Dexter. I am typing.

**3: 12 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Erskine and I are at the Sanctuary. He's getting his arm fixed. I'm lying on the couch sipping slushee like it's Jack Daniels and I'm a relapsing alcoholic.

**3: 13 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Thats not entirely true, I'm also taking Erskine's painkillers and chatting with girls

**3: 15 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Cant be sure if it's the painkillers talking but the girls have snakes for hair

**3: 21 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Now Erskine killed a zombie

**3: 24 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **NOT THRASHER AND SCAPEGRACE DON'T WORRY

**3: 26 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Nye was keeping a zombie for some experiment thing and Erskine found it

**3: 30 am Erskine Ravel: **Tonight we are relatively young

so I set its face on fire

its body burns brighter

than the sun

**3: 31 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **What a lovely poem

* * *

**3: 48 am Dexboi McLovin' **Ghastly just kissed the bull l o l

**3: 53 am Valkyrie Cain: **WHAT IS HAPPENING?

**3: 56 am Dexboi McLovin': **Night night don't let the bulls bite

**Dexboi McLovin' is offline**

**3: 58 am Valkyrie Cain: **Oh, I fucking give up.


	30. Pitbull-Punchbull Part Two

_**Here's part two of the Punchbull-Pitbull chapter. This is dedicated to RiverLegend, for inciting me to write this, and to everyone who has got so drunk they kissed a bull.**_

* * *

**12: 14 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes the page 'Remembering what you did whilst drunk and thinking awwww I'm a tit'**

**12: 16 pm Erskine Ravel: **So you're awake then

**12: 20 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **yeah

**12: 22 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **If by awake you mean suffering in the deepest pit of Hell without hope or solace

**12: 23 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **How about you?

**12: 28 pm Erskine Ravel: **At work. Behind desk. Said I had important paperwork to do and couldn't be disturbed. I want to die

**12: 31 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **This is one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. I keep remembering flashes of last night and wanting to stuff a shoe down my throat to end it all.

**12: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: **What actually happened last night?

**12: 36 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **There was a field, singing, Dexboi, (Pitbull?), body paint, and...a cow?

**12: 37 pm Erskine Ravel:** I think you just encompassed our entire night out.

**12: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: **Also, I know the Nye fixed my broken arm but half of it is still covered in blood and body paint. I look like I just went four rounds with a gay bodybuilder

**12: 42 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **The defining point of the night for me was when I had the staring competition with the hedgehog. Looking through our facebook walls is like looking into the time vortex, but with more debauchery and typos.

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**12: 45 pm Erskine Ravel: **Shit, gotta go, someone's approaching my office. Try and work out what we did

**Erskine Ravel is offline**

**12: 46 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, I'm not a detective for nothing. Ghastly, Anton; we need to work out A) Where the others are, B) What were the extent of our antics, and C) If we physically damaged someone/something enough to warrant an apology.

**12: 49 pm Dexter Vex: **Hey, guys. I share your pain.

**12: 49 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I see you changed your name, DexBOI.

**12: 50 pm Dexter Vex: **Shut up! McLovin' erupted out of me without warning last night like water from a geyser. And I can't be sure but...

**12: 50 pm Dexter Vex: **I think we lost Fletcher.

**12: 51 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Well, we have to cut our losses when we can. I'd like to say I'll miss that blonde totem of hair blinding me every time he flashed into view, but I can't muster up the effort to lie.

**12: 53 pm Valkyrie Cain: **You LOST Fletcher?! Oh, for God's sake

**12: 54 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery, take the day off to find out what happened AND find Fletcher, and Tanith and I will go meet with Davrill ourselves.

**12: 55 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Are you sure? Davrill could be dangerous.

**12: 56 pm Valkyrie Cain: **We'll be fine - Tanith and I together can more than take him on. Good luck with Fletcher!

**Valkyrie Cain is offline**

**12: 58 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Remember when she was just a little, easily impressionable kid?

**1: 00 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I try to. So, what can you remember from our night out?

**1: 02 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **The last thing I remember was Erskine saying 'Bet you can't down that'

**1: 02 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Which I obviously, as proven by my vast hangover, could.

**1: 02 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I have a bite on my neck. Not like a vampire bite, but like someone was so drunk they began to nibble on me.

**1: 04 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **Classy. Let's take this to private messaging.

* * *

**1: 08 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke, Dexter Vex and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Ghastly, are the bites on your neck from a human?

Anton, I want you to go through your phone and see if you have any texts from last night.

**1: 10 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

It's definitely from a human. It's not serious as if someone's tried to rip out my throat, just like a few mischevious bites.

**1: 11 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke**

Are you sure you and Tanith didn't get a bit frisky last night...? ;)

**1: 14 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

No. Just tell us if you have anything on your phone.

**1: 16 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke**

The most recent texts are these ones from Erskine:

I'm eating a really nice Belgian waffle right now

Which tastes like Fletcher's hopes

And no that didn't even make sense

I really hope you're getting these instead of sending them off to hyperspace AKA Dexter's bedroom

Yes I'm aware that was yet another thing that didn't make sense

**1: 18 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke**

These are all from around 3 AM, so according to mine and Skulduggery's Walls that would be about the time Erskine and I were at the Sanctuary getting his arm fixed.

**1: 21 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke**

There's one text from yesterday sent to me from Leo at 9: 32 PM, which places it in the timeframe of when we were at the Alchemy Club.

'Texting me about how I strawpedoed that bottle of wine is not making me any more grateful to you.'

Not very helpful, but it's nice to have a mental image of Leonardo DiCaprio drinking a sophisticated bottle of wine through a plastic kiddy straw.

**1: 24 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Wait, the Alchemy Club? I remember throwing a cigarette in a sink!

**1: 25 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant, Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke**

Oh yeah - Skulduggery and Ghastly tried to sneak outside to smoke cigars but you took the cigars away and chucked them in the sink

**1: 27 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Ghastly Bespoke, Dexter Vex and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

This has all been very illuminating. Well, not really, it just shows you're all drunk idiots, but I will now stop to think. I'll contact you when I have more ideas.

* * *

**1: 43 pm Dexter Vex** "I looked at that smoke machine, sitting like a dead skunk in the forest, and said to it, 'Screw you.'"

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **will never fail being the best person to quote, ever.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low and eighteen others like this**

**1: 47 pm Solomown Wreath: **I always think that this is it, your group cannot possibly appear in a stranger post on my news feed. I am always wrong.

**Dexter Vex likes this**

**1: 50 pm Geraint Mizzle: **I just count it as a blessing that I wasn't needed to come out and cover up your messes.

**1: 52 pm Dexter Vex: **When did you get facebook, Geraint?

**1: 54 pm Geraint Mizzle: **I realised I couldn't keep up with the Sanctuary gossip without witnessing the madcap adventures you had on facebook for myself.

**1: 57 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You live vicariously through us, that's perfectly fine. We do lead kickass lives compared to the mundane ones of most.

**1: 58 pm Geraint Mizzle: **...OK. So, do you have any other anecdotes of your night?

**2: 01 pm Dexter Vex: **I invented a move called the buffle, aka back shuffle. Basically you lie down and shuffle backwards while making finger guns.

**2: 03 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I might use that move the next time I go dancing, just to warn you.

**2: 06 pm Dexter Vex: **The thing is, I've copyrighted the buffle, so...

**2: 09 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Damn. Too bad

**2: 11 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I don't recall the invention of this 'buffle'...

**2: 14 pm Dexter Vex: **I think you were climbing the outside of the club by then.

**2: 15 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Ah yes, I remember now. Who knew drunk me could climb a six storey building for maltesers and punch?

**2: 16 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **If you wanted punch, why don't you just go back to the bull

**Dexter Vex, Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio and two others likes this**

**2: 19 pm Dexter Vex: **Gonna need to go to the burn ward!

**2: 32 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I TRIED TO FORGET. I HAD FORGOTTEN THE BULL UNTIL NOW.

**2: 34 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I guess I can kind of see why you punched it for breaking Erskine's arm, but kissing it?

**2: 34 pm Dexter Vex: **You and the bull could write a bad romance.

**2: 36 pm Dexter Vex: **A thousand songs could be written about their abusive relationship!

**2: 36 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Don't you mean a thousand fanfocks? ;D

**2: 39 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Don't even think about it.

**2: 40 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Hey, we need something to entertain us when Skulduggery's doing his detecting.

**2: 44 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Hit Me Ghastly One More Time, a GhastlyxBull fanfock, by Anton Shudder

"We can't go on with suspicious minds," said the bull. "How do I know you won't just hit me again?"

"No bb please," cried Ghastly, dabbing at his tears with a tasseled shoe. "I really..." *he held up his loafer* "...loaf you."

The bull sighed happily. It was the most romantic thing he had ever been told.

Ghastly looked at the bull with lust-filled eyes.

"My body is ready," whispered the bull.

"Not as ready as mine," Ghastly said and he opened the bedroom door with one powerful manly foot.

THE END

**Dexter Vex, Finbar Wrong, Evangeline Evergreen and nine others like this**

**2: 45 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **What the fuck

**2: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You're right. I think it needs more mentions of 'lust-filled eyes'.

**2: 46 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Wait no I've got a really good idea

**2: 48 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Is Our Favourite Bestiality Ship Canon?

Hey there Dubliners, you won't believe the gossip I have for you today. Looks like things were hotting up between the bull and Ghastly were early this morning: but we all thought their relationship was more of the domestic abuse kind?

Whatever it is, I had it on a good source that the bull just received a text message asking 'Do u like me y/n'

No points for guessing who that was from!

Watch this space. If bull replies back with a 'y', then we'll have to rethink who our OTP is - the newest couple on the scene may just have more muscle mass than the male cast of Teen Wolf.

xoxo Gossip Ghastly

**2: 49 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **OK, I'm going to bury my head in paperwork and pretend this was all a bad dream.

**Ghastly Bespoke is offline**

**2: 51 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You can run from the truth, but you can't hide!

**Erskine Ravel is online**

**2: 53 pm Erskine Ravel: **It sounds as if Ghastly's being sick in his office. Looks like these fanfocks caused a psychotic break.

**2: 57 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **It was a long time coming. Kissing/punching that bull was probably the most offensive thing any of the Skul Crew have done whilst drunk

**2: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **I wouldn't SAY most offensive

**2: 59 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Why?

**2: 03 pm Erskine Ravel: **I don't know how to say this but...I left your mother on a bus.

**2: 04 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You WHAT?

**2: 06 pm Erskine Ravel: **It was years ago! It was that time I came to stay at your parents' house with you for a week, and we got really drunk at that local pub and your mum came to see if we were alright but you went to that girl's house early so I had to go home with your mum on the bus because we we were so drunk...and then the bus stopped and I forgot she was sleeping on the seat across from me so I got off and the bus drove off and I remembered half an hour later

**2: 10 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **YOU SAID YOU GOT A DIFFERENT BUS FROM HER! MOTHER-LOSER!

**2: 12 pm Erskine Ravel: **It's not that bad! Did Ghastly kiss a bull? I think he did. WEIRD BLOKE THAT GHASTLY BESPOKE.

**2: 12 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I have returned with news - it seems the last evidence we have of Fletcher is him sending us a 'Help' message at 1: 19 AM. He said there was 'trees everywhere' so I'm guessing he was in a copse near the field. I went to look but he was nowhere to be found. Maybe Ghastly's bull ate him.

**2: 13 pm Dexter Vex: **Hey, I got a message from Fletcher! He sent it about 45 minutes ago, and it reads 'This is a group text: where am I?'

**2: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I got it too. I really should heck my phone more :L

**2: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: **Same

**2: 14 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Ditto. I guess he sent it to all of us. How are you guys? Over the worst of the hangover?

**2: 15 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yeah, it looks like the worst is over, thankfully. All we've got to worry about is finding Fletcher now.

**2: 17 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **I just texted him back - if he hasn't got himself killed in the past hour he'll tell me where he is and I'll be able to pick him up. Provided he hasn't managed to end up on Mars.

**2: 19 pm Dexter Vex: **I wouldn't put it past him. I mean, his hair's tall enough to reach the stratosphere at least.

**2: 22 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **He's behind the Tesco's in Roarhaven, so I'll go pick him up now. I hope Valkyrie appreciates this.

**2: 23 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Well she better, because I sure as hell don't.

* * *

**2: 29 pm Erskine Ravel posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall**

Like the *pimps* we are, we have to buy Ghastly a branding iron. In case his love gets too handsy.

**2: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: **(And by 'his love' I mean the bull.)

**2: 31 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Ah, bull jokes. How I adore you.

* * *

**3: 12 pm Fletcher Renn **So is it true that Anton made out with 14 girls last night?

**3: 23 pm Erskine Ravel: **He is an unrepentent manwhore.

**3: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: **And you actually set a zombie on fire?!

**3: 26 pm Erskine Ravel: **Go hard or go home.

* * *

**6: 57 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Thanks for getting Fletcher back :)

**6: 59 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

No problem. How did your meeting with Darvill go?

**7: 02 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

He knew absolutely nothing to do with the investigation, but he tried to stab Tanith so I knocked him out.

**7: 03 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

A job well done then. Ghastly told me you're staying with Tanith tonight; will the two of you be hitting the vino?

**7: 05 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

I don't think so. Your Boiiiish night out has put me off drinking for quite a while. Night :) x

**7: 08 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

Goodnight, Valkyrie. I'll pick you up tomorrow.

* * *

**7: 18 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain**

Have you talked to Skulduggery about Darvill yet - did you tell him we're heading out tonight? xD

**7: 20 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Tanith Low**

Haha NO. Crack open the vodka bottles, I'm almost at your flat.


	31. Group Confessions Over-Friendly Dreams

_**Onyx - Thanks for pointing out the Geraint Mizzle bit, because I always get him confused with Geoffrey Scutinous (why do you have so many characters, Derek, why) in my fics. I'll edit that mistake now :)**_

_**There's a Pitch Perfect reference in here for the eagle-eyed of you.**_

_**The Taylor Swift goat video Anton mentions is one of these youtube videos that if you haven't seen, you must do so immediately. And, as always, thank you for your brilliant reviews!**_

* * *

**3: 14 pm Ghastly Bespoke likes the page Loafers**

**3: 16 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Really? REALLY?

**3: 19 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I have 104 problems and fancy shoes are 99 of them.

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**3: 22 pm Erskine Ravel: **Sometimes I wonder why we don't get any work done and then I remember how often we go on facebook.

**3: 24 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You think that's bad? Dex and Fletcher popped in to say hey a few hours ago and all they've done is look up the 'taylor swift goat' video on youtube and laugh. I'm about to pull a fucking Shining on them and chase them through the Hotel

**3: 25 pm Dexter Vex: **Screw you, it's hilarious

**Fletcher Renn and Clarabelle Beam like this**

**3: 28 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Can you all please stop commenting on my page? You're clogging up my notifications.

**3: 29 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **and now Freddie's seen the goat video and he's upset. You should all know by now that Freddie doesn't like other animals! They scare him!

**3: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio: **Well, then I guess Erskine's leg doesn't count as an animal.

**3: 33 pm Erskine Ravel: ***sarcastically* ha ha ha. That's funny, because he molested my leg. Ha.

**3: 35 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **How did a simple like of a page turn into THIS?

**3: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: **I just really bloody hate that sloth

**3: 40 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **You better delete that comment. What if Freddie's on his own facebook and sees it?

**3: 41 pm Erskine Ravel: **He's a sloth...

**3: 44 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **What's your point?

**3: 47 pm Valkyrie Cain: **So this comment thread is still going on?

**3: 48 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Unfortunately.

**3: 51 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Shut up, I need to defend the honour of my sloth

**3: 54 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: **The saddest thing is, really, that with friends like you that above comment will not be the strangest thing I see today.

**3: 57 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **The strangest thing I've ever seen was Freddie and Erskine's leg.

**Dexter Vex, Leo DiCaprio and Valkyrie Cain like this**

**3: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: **You're forgetting I've got plenty of embarassing stories about you too.

**3: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **Like remember that time you got so physically turned on you started crying

**3: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: **Or that time you tried poetry

**3: 59 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **OK fine calm down Hitler I won't mention what happened with Freddie

**4: 02 pm Erskine Ravel: **I'm glad we had this talk.

* * *

**5: 19 pm Tanith Low has updated her profile picture**

**Valkyrie Cain, Dexter Vex, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and thirty-four others like this**

**5: 39 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Sex baby let's talk about you and me

**5: 42 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Or how about we can talk about your face, my fist, and their imminent meeting?

**5: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **No, no, I definitely prefer the sex thing

**5: 46 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **You're on thin ice, Shudder. Thin ice.

* * *

**6: 21 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke**

**Subject: **Morale

Hey - I know you've just gone home but it's nothing to do with Sanctuary business, I swear.

Lately (and I mean a few posts today) I feel that as a group we've all been arguing too much. What do you think? Maybe it's just the lack of world-threatening events happening but everyone's so lethargic at the moment we've just turned to bickering with one another for action.

**6: 26 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel**

I know where you're coming from. There is a certain point and all of our friends commenting about sloths and sex on one page I like is far past that point. Have you got any ideas for smoothing over whatever tensions have arisen?

**6: 29 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke**

You know when we were brainstorming ways to foster a sense of collectiveness and trust etc. within the Sanctuary offices, and all the workers had lots of group meetings to come together and talk?

**6: 31 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel**

The ones that Valkyrie and Skulduggery boycotted entirely and Tanith walked out of, yes

**6: 32 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke**

How about we do that with our friends? Instead of holding a movie night where we stare at a screen in silence and Fletcher eats all the ice cream we could share some things, actually have an oppurtunity to talk.

**6: 33 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel**

Great idea! Looks like all the Grand Mage duties have increased your sense of responsibility, Your Excellency.

**6: 34 pm** **PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke**

I thought you hated those crappy titles bestowed on us?

**6: 34 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel**

Only when they're used on me. :)

* * *

**6: 58 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Basically, Ghastly and I have been talking and we've decided there's been too much arguing in the group recently. So we're going to do something to bring back a sense of trust and acceptance into our group.

**7: 01 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

I vote orgy who's with me

**7: 01 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

me!

**7: 03 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Erskine has a valid point. It's much harder to run a strong defence against whatever villain of the week wants to kill us if we're sniping at one another.

**7: 04 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Are you sure we're lacking morale/camaraderie? Last week I walked into Dexter's house to find all the Dead Men plus Leo curled up under blankets watching Friends. Pretty sure I heard Erskine say he 'really identifies with Chandler'.

**7: 04 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Maybe so, but later that night when we watched 10 Things I Hate About You, Skulduggery actually came in with a list of 10 things he hated about each of us.

**7: 06 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I stand by these lists. They revealed the truth. I am a prophet in a world full of shallow lies.

**7: 10 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

You could be onto something! (not the prophet thing, that's total bullshit, but about revealing the truth) Why don't we all reveal a secret that none of the rest of us knows? It's been proven that sharing with people in a confidant group situation has bolstered levels of friendship and goodwill.

**7: 10 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

Where the fuck did you read that, Women's Housekeeping?

**7: 12 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I swear to God, Anton, if you do not participate I will take out every piece of poetry you've ever written from the box I hide them in and I will publish them on facebook.

**7: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

You're bluffing. -.-

**7: 15 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

'So yeah, I love a flower! Your beauty outshines

To the farthest reaches of our universe

Reaching to Pluto

Its spinning blue roundness

Perfectly me

'Cause I'm alone without your petals to guide me

Like a beacon in the darkness to Pluto

Usurping the sun and light

By being a flower so pretty

So sweet

Why would I want anything else but you

Only you...

Only you'

**7: 17 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

I thought fanfock was good. This is better.

Anton, how do you now feel about Pluto's declassification as a planet?

**7: 19 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

You wrote a poetry about a flower? xD

**7: 23 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

It was a long time ago, and the flower is a metaphor for a strip club, but yes.

You're a heartless bastard, Erskine. I'll join in your fucking braiding flowers and hugging things plan.

**7: 25 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I think the only one braiding flowers here is you.

**7: 26 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

So, everyone is on board? (You better be, because I have blackmail material on all of you.)

**7: 26 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Yep (and that's really creepy)

**7: 26 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Sure, I'm in! :)

**7: 27 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Yeah, me too

**7: 27 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I suppose it's minorly more interesting than polishing my gun.

**7: 28 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

I'm in

**7: 28 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Count me in

**7: 33 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Great. I guess I'll go first. Uh...this is kind of hard to admit, but...I once had a dream about Anton.

**7: 34 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

A dream?

**7: 36 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

A dream.

**7: 36 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

a dream...?

**7: 37 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

You mean a sex dream! hahaha oh my god I knew we were all right about you two

I dreamed a dream in times gone by

In which me and my best mate were screwing

I dreamed that I screwed a guy

I dreamed a safeword was a given

But the sloths they come at night

With their grabbing hands all ready

As they try to mount my leg

As my best friend looks on and laughs

**7: 40 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Does anyone else feel totally shocked but also not really surprised at all?

**7: 42 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I think you just described how all of our emotions are going, to be perfectly honest.

**7: 45 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

I'm flattered, Erskine. A bit creeped out, but flattered. It's only natural. I am stunning, after all.

Just no hanky panky next time we stay at one another's.

**7: 45 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Oh HA HA HA. It was one time! And it wasn't even that explicit! A) It means absolutely nothing and B) There is no chance that I fancy Anton.

Let's just move on.

Quickfire confessions. GO.

**7: 48 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Damn. I was really hoping a second verse of the sloth song.

Anyway, I eat way too much nutella. It's a problem.

**7: 49 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Sometimes I pretend I'm Jack Dawson

**7: 51 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

There are times when I secretly enjoy wearing the Elder's robes. They're really warm and actually don't clash with my loafers.

**7: 56 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

I am EL James. ;D

**7: 55 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Anton, we'll all ignore you unless you post a serious confession.

Anyway here goes - I have a thing for Ron Weasley. Because when he smiles, the whole world stops and stares for a while, cause he's amazing...just the way he is.

**7: 55 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

That's a song.

**7: 56 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

STOP MAKING FUN OF MY LOVE FOR RON

Now, do you have a serious secret to share, Anton?

**7: 58 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

Yes Justin Bieber is me

#believe

**7: 04 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I was Lord Vile.

(Don't get on at me, you all know that secret beats anything any of you could ever share.)

Also, Finbar and I once started a fight at a Queen concert that resulted in us having a drinking contest with Freddie Mercury. I know it's not much of secret, I just wanted to make you all jealous.

**7: 07 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

I travel the world because I seek empty satisfaction in hopping from place to place with no emotional ties so I don't become attached to someone and lose them again like I did with Hopeless and Larrikin and all our other friends...yeah.

**7: 08 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

LAAAMME

**7: 10 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Shut up, your best friend dreams about you

**7: 10 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

I hope you step on a lego

**7: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

So here's my confession - I have a lot of sex.

**7: 14 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

We know, Anton.

**7: 14 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

Only because I told you!

**7: 18 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

i guess if it's only me left to share a secret then once i got Rebecca Blacks Friday stuck on repeat when i was listening to it in Ghastly's office and when he asked me who did it i said Erskine :L

**7: 18 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Damn it, Fletcher...

So, I think revealing all that was cathartic, wasn't it? :)

**7: 19 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

Mmmmm. Totally. Want to get back to how Erskine had a sex dream about Anton? xD

**7: 19 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Bet he wrote fanfock about it

**7: 20 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Bet he made fanart about it

**7: 21 pm PM message: Dexter Vex to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Bet he choroegraphed a dance based on it

**7: 24 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio and Dexter Vex**

Wtf that doesn't even make sense

**7: 27 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

I'm LEAVING now. And if my CAPITALS didn't TIP YOU OFF, I HATE you ALL.

**Erskine Ravel is offline**

**7: 31 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low, Fletcher Renn, Valkyrie Cain, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and Dexter Vex**

All in all, I think that was a very successful session.

* * *

**7: 46 am Dexter Vex posted on Erskine Ravel's Wall**

Morning!...Have any good dreams last night? :)))))

**7: 05 am Erskine Ravel: **This will go on for a while, won't it? :(

**7: 09 am Dexter Vex: **You have no idea.

* * *

**11: 12 am Ghastly Bespoke posted on Erskine Ravel's Wall**

Oh dream on, dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true

* * *

**11: 40 am Tanith Low created a poll 'Was Erskine Ravel's confession the best thing you have heard in existence?'**

**- Yes**

**- Yes**

**- Hell yes**

* * *

**2: 19 pm Fletcher Renn posted on Erskine Ravel's Wall**

Every night I rest in my bed I think of you when I close my eyes you know when I say my prayers will you hold my hand and be my knight and be my sweet dream or my beautiful nightmare, somebody pinch me either way I don't wanna wake up TURN THE LIGHTS AAOOON

* * *

**4: 25 pm Skulduggery Pleasant has shared the video Frank Sinatra - Dream a little dream of me (with lyrics) on Erskine Ravel's Wall**

* * *

**5: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain:** Hey, Erskine, I think Cassandra Pharos still has some more of her dream catchers if you'd like to review yours in a bit more detail

* * *

**7: 15 pm Dexter Vex has created the photo album Just Some Candid Pictures of Shavel**

**7: 19 pm Dexter Vex has uploaded seven photos to his photo album Just Some Candid Pictures of Shavel**

**7: 20 pm Dexter Vex has tagged Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Paedo King Shudder in his photo album Just Some Candid Pictures of Shavel**

**Solomown Wreath, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tanith Low and forty-eight others like this**

**7: 24 pm Dexter Vex: **Some day I will stop manipulating pictures of **Antceratops Paedo King Shudder** and **Erskine Ravel** in compromising positions and posting them on facebook. Today...is not that day.

**7: 23 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Your powers with photoshop are beyond compare

**7: 25 pm Fletcher Renn: **I especially like the 1 where you put erskine and Anton's faces onto John and Sherlock's and made it look like they were kissing

**7: 26 pm Dexter Vex: **Thank you :3

* * *

**8: 14 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Please tell me that photo you just texted me didn't accurately show how many bottles of alcohol you've drunk?

**8: 17 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

YEAHHSD

**8: 19 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

i neefded to frgtt the pics dexgre made

**8: 21 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

theeeyt werw sooo sC ARY

**8: 22 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

ivee nevefr tiuched erskiinbe lik that i swearree

**8: 24 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **

Don't worry, I believe you. Are you going to be OK at the hotel? Do you want Fletcher to Teleport me over? The number of empty whiskey bottles in that picture was really troubling.

**8: 26 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

i;'m good butt ive jusyyt finshferd th 3rd vidka bttple and imm aalllll blkkurry

**8: 27 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **

Three bottles of vodka? How are you still alive?!

**8: 32 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

10% luckk

**8: 34 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

20 % skill

**8: 38 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

_15% cocnentraated powqer of will_

**8: 42 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Again with the italics...

**8: 44 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Right, I'm getting Fletcher to Teleport me to the Hotel. I'll be with you in 10 minutes.

**8: 49 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

taaankyy ou val ure a good friueend

**8: 50 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

So you're SURE you haven't slept with Erskine at all?

**8: 53 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Valkyrie Cain**

YREEES

**8: 55 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Sorry, had to check. I'll be with you soon :)

* * *

**9: 51 pm Dexter Vex **Like if Billy Jean is not your lover

**Ghastly Bespoke, Finbar Wrong, Leo DiCaprio and twelve others like this**

**9: 54 pm Leo DiCaprio: **She's just a girl who says that I am the one.

**9: 55 pm Tanith Low: **But I swear

**9: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant:** The kid is not my son.

**9: 59 pm Leo DiCaprio: **If this isn't solid proof that we're a tight-knit group, I don't know what is

**10: 00 pm Dexter Vex: **Guess Erskine's plan did work. Even though it did kind of blow up in his face.

**Skulduggery Pleasant, Leo DiCaprio, Tanith Low and one other like this**

* * *

**10: 43 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Have you sobered up yet?

**10: 46 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Yeah - Valkyrie brought this hangover potion thing. It has the mark of Kenspeckle Grouse on it. It just seems like the sort of thing he'd invent.

So I guess you aren't just PMing me to check up on my alcohol to blood ratio?

**10: 54 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

You guessed right. I noticed you didn't actually share a confession with the rest of us.

**10: 57 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I was busy reeling from unexpected information earlier in the conversation, if you recall...;)

**10: 59 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Screw you

**11: 02 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I thought that was what you had been doing ;)

**11: 05 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Nah, I was bottom. But anyway, I know you weren't bothered by the dream thing because you're convinced everyone has regular sex dreams about you. So as your best friend I demand you to share a proper secret with all of us.

**11: 08 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

I suppose that as my bestie you have certain rights. But I'm still not telling you ha ha ha

**11: 11 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Might I remind you of your poetry?

**11: 17 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

ANTON, a poem by Anton.

There are times

Of a spinning axis

Of grief

(i am the axis)

I drop sauce on the Hotel carpet

I cry

I lose my porn stash

I cry

A teardrop hits the lake of the ever

Increasing loss

A resounding crash in the silence of my world

Sad

Lost

(there was hope in the black,

a brief flicker but

then

extinguished)

I am Anton

And

I cry

**11: 28 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel**

Fine you bastard. I'll fucking send out a PM tomorrow telling something about myself. Are you happy?

**11: 30 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

Very. And I didn't even have to use your poem where you rhyme 'adversity' with 'monkey'.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder is offline**


	32. Skulduggery's Ghetto Return

_**Sorry, again, for how bad this update is. On the plus side...nine days until Christmas!**_

* * *

**7: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **Guys. PARTY. MIDNIGHT HOTEL. Tomorrow night I'm stopping in Dublin.

**7: 13 pm Staven Weeper: **can i bring cheese snacks?

**7: 14 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**: Piss off, you're not invited.

**7: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Skulduggery and I can't :( We've got a tip-off about someone we're tailing so we'll be busy

**7: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Have fun though!

**7: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Well, as much fun as you can have without us

**Skulduggery Pleasant likes this**

**7: 17 pm Leo DiCaprio: **I can't come; working on my 12-step programme to an Oscar win. I'll be there for the next party though!

**7: 22 pm Tanith Low: **I was going to have a Brad Pitt movie marathon, but sure I can come

**7: 23 pm Tanith Low: **Can I claim a spare bedroom btw?

**7: 24 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Of course you can ;) #kinkinessofghanith

**7: 24 pm Tanith Low: **Don't you hashtag at me

**7: 24 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **#toolate #ghanith #ghanithforeveritiswritteninmyheart #sex

**7: 26 pm Tanith Low: **You're a weirdo.

**Erskine Ravel and Valkyrie Cain like this**

* * *

**Dexter Vex poked Tanith Low**

**Tanith Low poked Dexter Vex**

**Dexter Vex poked Tanith Low**

**Tanith Low poked Dexter Vex**

**Dexter Vex poked Tanith Low**

**Tanith Low poked Dexter Vex**

**Dexter Vex poked Tanith Low**

**Tanith Low poked Dexter Vex**

* * *

**8: 12 am Dexter Vex posted on Tanith Low's Wall**

Oh my God, stop poking me!

**Tanith Low likes this**

* * *

**9: 56 am PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, Fletcher Renn and Dexter Vex**

You're all coming tonight, right? You better not disappoint me because I'm having a fire-eater flown in from Uruguay especially for this.

**9: 59 am PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke and Fletcher Renn**

Woah, I didn't think our parties were that big an affair...

**9: 03 am PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, Fletcher Renn and Dexter Vex**

I may have a few more people coming. Like 10. Or 80. It really doesn't matter.

**9: 06 am PM message: Dexter Vex to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke and Fletcher Renn**

God, it's been a while since I've been to a proper party. It's a good thing you're throwing this. Poking wars are the most exciting thing going on right now.

**9: 11 am PM message: Tanith Low to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Ghastly Bespoke, Fletcher Renn and Dexter Vex**

I thought our poking wars were thrilling, thanks very much

**Dexter Vex named the conversation: Dexter and friends **

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder named the conversation: Anton and his underlings**

**Tanith Low named the conversation: Why are we even friends?**

**Fletcher Renn named the conversation: Teleporters rule**

**Erskine Ravel named the conversation: Get Back To Your Work**

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder named the conversation: Not what you'll be saying later tonight**

**Dexter Vex named the conversation: #swag**

**Ghastly Bespoke has left the conversation**

* * *

**2: 34 pm Erskine Ravel **poop

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Tanith Low, Valkyrie Cain and fourteen others like this**

**2: 48 pm Erskine Ravel: **So whoever was the incredibly MATURE and SENSIBLE person that spammed my account and posted this, don't do it again.

**2: 49 pm Erskine Ravel: **And when I say 'whoever' I really mean you, **Antceratops Paedo King Shudder**

**2: 52 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Remember that time he got into your account and posted the status 'I'm uncomfortably attracted to my neighbour's dog'? Good times.

**2: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **It wasn't me who fraped you this time, I swear!

**2: 57 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **Then who was it? Not that it's any particular mystery, I'm just bored sitting at my desk playing Pac-Man on my computer whenever Madam Mist isn't breathing down my neck.

**Erskine Ravel likes this**

**2: 59 pm Tanith Low: **OK, I'll own up this time. I'M JUST SO BORED.

**3: 00 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **No worries, another few hours and you'll be being bored into, rather than just being bored

**3: 02 pm Tanith Low: **OH MY GOD

**3: 04 pm Ghastly Bespoke: **I'm covering my face in shame.

**3: 04 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **WE WERE ALL THINKING IT

**3: 07 pm Erskine Ravel: **Anton, I'm Grand Mage now. I can't devote all my time to making sure you behave. Go sit on the naughty step.

**3: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Do I have to? D:

**3: 08 pm Erskine Ravel: **Yes.

**3: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Ugh fine.

**Antceratops Paedo King Shudder is offline**

* * *

**3: 14 pm Tanith Low **so now that Anton's on the 'naughty step' I feel OK with saying I'm really looking forward to tonight

**3: 16 pm Dexter Vex: **Me too! It's been ages since we had a party together, even if Valkyrie, Skulduggery and Leo won't be there

**3: 17 pm Tanith Low: **I'm hoping it'll be as crazy as the other times - remember when Anton made all these groups like **You know it was a good night when you still have cake in your hair**

**3: 19 pm Dexter Vex: **Remember that time we all wanted to sit together so Anton pushed two hotel beds together to make a double, and then we watched Final Destination and Erskine got so scared he fell through the gap between the beds

**Tanith Low likes this**

**3: 20 pm Tanith Low: **Hahahahahhaaha

**3: 21 pm Erskine Ravel: **I was drunk! It doesn't count!

**3: 22 pm Tanith Low: **We thought the beds had swallowed you up, Fletcher was so panicked haha

**3: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: **he was holding my cookies, I was worried for a good reason

**Dexter Vex and Tanith Low like this**

* * *

**7: 09 pm Tanith Low: **Getting ready!

**7: 12 pm Valkyrie Cain: **I'm pretty annoyed I'm not going to the party now: all Skulduggery and I have done in the past 3 hours is look through a windshield at a door.

**7: 14 pm Tanith Low: **Stakeouts. Can't beat 'em.

**7: 16 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Great, now he's telling me to put my phone away because 'distractions cost lives, and the cost of your life may cost me some amount of annoyance.' Talk to you later!

**7: 17 pm Tanith Low: **Wait, wait - should I go with a black leather jacket or brown?

**7: 18 pm Valkyrie Cain: **Since when do I know the first thing about fashion? Black, I guess...?

**7: 18 pm Tanith Low: **Brown it is then. Ta very much

**7: 19 pm Valkyrie Cain: ***eye roll*

* * *

**7: 56 pm Ghastly Bespoke **I can hear the Avicii from three streets away. Seriously considering leaving this party before I have even gone to it.

**Leo DiCaprio likes this**

* * *

**9: 40 pm Fletcher Renn has added 12 pictures to his photo album Midnight Hotel Party Banter**

**Tanith Low, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Dexter Vex and nine others like this**

**9: 42 pm Finbar Wrong: **Loving the picture where you can see Erskine doing a shot off Anton's chest! Riiiighteous, guys

* * *

**9: 56 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder posted on River Legend's Wall**

Nice of you to come to my party, I haven't seen you in a while...want me to give you the tour? ;)

**10: 03 pm River Legend: **I'm going to politely decline due to the fact you were licking vodka from Erskine's neck 30 minutes ago.

**10: 06 Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Im an indiscriminate licker, don't worry, if you like that then I'm on board

**10: 07 River Legend: **I'm going to go talk to Tanith and so you should stop your creepy semi-drunk comments now, ok? I'll come dance with you in three cider's time

**10: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **Can't stop won;t stop

**10: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: **Do you want me to deal with him for you?

**10: 11 pm River Legend: **Much appreciated :)

* * *

**10: 19 pm Erskine Ravel posted on River Legend's Wall**

I locked him in the cupboard with Fletcher and Guitar Hero. Mwahaha.

**River Legend likes this**

* * *

**11: 23 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

The Bentley's getting cold now. And I can't turn on the heat since you told me not to touch anything. And people are sending me pictures from a party where Erskine is, judging by the photos, doing backflips off a table into a hot tub. Let's just call it a night. Where even are you?

**11: 29 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

1. I thought I told you to turn your phone off? I'm allowed to have mine on right now because I'm superior to everything.

2. Don't touch the Bentley. That's a do-or-die order.

3. I don't care if Erskine is doing backflips off a magical sparkling trampoline into a pool of frothy champagne, we're not leaving. Someone may still arrive.

**11: 31 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Fine but I just got sent a video where Ghastly was singing about a flying spaghetti monster you better buy me some kind of really nice weapon to make up for this

**11: 38 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

I'll get you a stick.

**11: 40 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Not this again.

* * *

**12: 02 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder **YEAH! OH YEAH! NEW HIGH SCORE ON GUITAR HERO! WOO! YEAH

**12: 04 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I SLAYED taht game!

**12: 04 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: **I am no longer being called 'antceratops paedo king shudde'r, from now on I am just 'King'

**12: 07 am Antceratops King Shudder: **yeaasaaah

**12: 08 am Antceratops King Shudder: **KNEEL BEFORE ME PEASANTS YOUR GUITAR GOD ID MIGHTYU

**12: 09 am Antceratops King Shudder: **Now bringt me a crown and that flame eaater

**12: 11 am Antceratops King Shudder: **I AM XCROWNED ALL TREMBLE B4 ME

**12: 14 am Tanith Low: **U do know that's a party hat you're wearing

**12: 19 am Antceratops King Shudder: **Shut up its a crown

* * *

**12: 23 am DexBOI McLovin** GUESS WHO'S BAAAACK

* * *

**12: 29 am checked in at the Midnight Hotel**

**12: 37 am Geraint Mizzle **Yo, everyone here is lame. There's not even any Necromancers. Party fail

**12: 39 am Fletcher Renn: **You watch yr whore mouth

**12: 43 am Antceratops King Shudder: **soemene let me out wwthis cupboaard so I canwaste you

**12: 44 am Tanith Low: **No-one insults Anton's parties. NO-ONE.

**12: 47 am Geraint Mizzle: **Do u have the swag? I think not. I have all the swag so I'm better than all of u haha

**12: 48 am Fletcher Renn: **His powers are strong

**12: 51 am Geraint Mizzle:** YOU WANNA RAP BATTLE WITH ME? YOU WANNA RAP BATTLE?

**12: 51 am Fletcher Renn: **no sir

**12: 52 am Fletcher Renn: **pls don't hurt me with your swag

**12: 54 am Erskine Ravel: **There's only 1 man able to comba t this level of ghetto

* * *

**1: 06 am PM message: Erksine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant and Antceratops King Shudder**

SKUL. You have to help uus. There's a really mean swaggy mage at the partie and you're the onlyy person I knw with enoigh ghetto knowledge to get rid of him

**1: 12 am PM message: Antceratops King Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Skulduggery Pleasant**

Hurry he's takin pictures with my stuff and saying 'we gotta instagram dis joint'

**1: 19 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops King Shudder**

I am on a serious, confidential stakeout here; surely as Grand Mage you couldn't condone leaving a case for something as trivial as a matter of Anton's party?

**1: 19 am PM message: Erksine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant and Antceratops King Shudder**

As a sober grand mage maybe

**1: 20 am PM message: Erksine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant and Antceratops King Shudder**

I will give you uore own parking space at the sanctuary

**1: 22 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops King Shudder**

You have swayed me. I'll message this 'swaggy mage', but you all really should learn to be less reliant on me. Although I do understand. Deference to me is only natural.

**1: 24 am PM message: Antceratops King Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Skulduggery Pleasant**

You'll do it\? What about the stakout?

**1: 25 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops King Shudder**

The people we're tailing aren't coming out any time soon, I've been playing Angry Birds for the past half hour.

So what is the identity of this bully of yours?

**1: 28 am PM message: Erksine Ravel to Skulduggery Pleasant and Antceratops King Shudder**

Geraint Mizzle . He's a rrrrrright dick.

**1: 30 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops King Shudder**

The cad who was flirting with Valkyrie at the Requiem Ball? This just made my job a lot easier.

* * *

**1: 31 am Skulduggery Pleasant posted on Wall**

Not that I have heard much of you before this, but I'm sure you're aware of who I am. My friends informed me you were being rude and as a result asked me to speak to you about it. Is this note of warning suffice, or shall I remind you of the numerous times I've bested much fiercer opponents than you?

**1: 34 am Geraint Mizzle: **can't best my swag xoxo

**1: 36 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Good God, it's like pop culture has solidified in a human being.

**1: 37 am Geraint Mizzle: **Ok then. Lets have a your mum battle and then we can see who is the best

**1: 39 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **What age are you, fifty? I will not have a 'your mum' battle.

**1: 39 am Geraint Mizzle: **That's cause I'm better hahaha. Enjoy checking out my ass as I walk away

**1: 41 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **What.

**1: 43 am Erskine Ravel: **Come ON You said you ould do it you used to be able to have aa your mum fight

**1: 45 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **No! I was immature in my youth!

**1: 46 am Tanith Low: **Skulduggery yr ghetto phase was like a year ago

**1: 48 am DexBOI McLovin': **Destroy that bastard

**1: 49 am Ghastly Bespoke: **KILL THE INFIDEL

**1: 49 am Erskine Ravel: **Do this and there's a new suit in it for you

**1: 50 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Hey, **Geraint Mizzle**! Are we doing this or what?

**1: 54 am Geraint Mizzle: **You going down...cause your mum's so fat the only thing stopping her getting to macdonald's is the door!

**1: 54 am Geraint Mizzle: **#burn

**1: 54 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

**Erskine Ravel, DexBOI McLovin' and Tanith Low like this**

**1: 56 am Geraint Mizzle: **Your mums teeth are so crooked it looks like she's putting up gang signs

**1: 57 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Your mother's so stupid she thinks Iraq was invented by Steve Jobs.

**2: 00 am Geraint Mizzle: **yeah well your mum's so old when she was in school they DIDN'T HAVE HISTORY YET

**2: 01 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Your mother is so fat that when she steps into an elevator it turns into the Hellevator.

**2: 05 am Geraint Mizzle: **Your mum's so stupid she took a spoon to the super bowl

**2: 06 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **Your mother is so fat that Britain tried to claim her as an extension of their land so they would once again be the Empire on which the sun never set.

**2: 10 am Anceratops King Shudder: **hes not replying. Is it over? Has Skulduggerry won?

**2: 13 am Erskine Ravel: **He cant' top that joke! He lost!

**2: 15 am Tanith Low: **YES WE HAVE WON

**2: 18 am Geraint Mizzle: **this party sux im leaving

**Geraint Mizzle is offline**

**2: 19 am Erskine Ravel: **WE DID IT BRING OUT EBEN MORE ALCOHOHOL TO CEELEBRATE

**2: 21 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'll think you'll find it was I who did it.

**2: 24 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Thanks and stuff

**2: 25 am Fletcher Renn: **Is it over? Can i come out from under the tBLE now?

**2: 26 am Ghastly Bespoke: **Yep the battle is over. The good guys have won. We csn all relax

**2: 28 am Antceratops King Shudder: **No we can't cause I'M TAKING MY TOP OFF

**2: 29 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm taking leave of you all now. Enjoy the festivites. (But not too much: I don't want you getting any of those diseases again, Anton.)

**2: 31 am Antceratops King Shudder: **Pls diseases get ME

**2: 34 am Skulduggery Pleasant: **I'm...not too sure that's any better. Stay safe. Don't play strip Twister again.

* * *

**2: 43 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Look, I haven't seen anything all night. The Bentley is cold, I'm cold, and it's three in the morning. I'm sure you've been enjoying obsessively watching the building and that's fine for you but I've been here sitting here for hours doing nothing

**2: 45 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

Now, Valkyrie. You know how important it is to focus only on the case at hand and avoid trivial pursuits.

**2: 47 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

I know YOU'RE above such things, but I don't like having nothing to do. If we're not leaving I just want to message Tanith and ask her how the party's going

**2: 49 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

I wouldn't do that. Best to talk to her in the morning when she's hungover, confused, and I can delete my facebook posts

**2: 49 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Wait, you haven't checked your news feed, have you? Or looked at their statuses about the party?

**2: 50 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

I told you of course I haven't! I'm only online right now to talk to you! Now back to work. No rest for the wicked!

**2: 56 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Pleaaase no. We haven't seen anything. Can't you take me home? I'm exhausted

**2: 40 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Hello there, Exhausted!

**2: 43 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Not funny! I'm being serious. -.-

**2: 46 am PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Valkyrie Cain**

So you're not Exhausted any more?

**2: 49 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

Are you seriously kidding me?

**2: 51 am PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Skulduggery Pleasant**

No, I'm Skulduggery.


End file.
